Page 9 of If Everything Was Easy

“You think Coach would be ok with me coming to practice to enhance my bench-sitting skills?” I half laughed, half sighed as I twisted my hair on top of my head.

“I’m sure she’d love it.” Ashley leaned around the corner smiling. “You need a lot of practice. When have you ever sat on the bench?”

“I have.” I frowned as I attempted to recall a memory. “Last year, right?” I tapped my chin.

“No.” Ashley shook her head and rolled her eyes. “You my friend, have never been benched.”

“Guess there’s a first time for everything,” I mused. “I think I’m ready, if you wanna get the light. My bag is in the living room.” I hopped along until I reached the kitchen, Ashley hot on my heels.

“How have you been getting from Warner Hall all the way across campus? And how do you plan to get to the stadium?” Ashley lifted my backpack into her arms, as we jostled our way out of the apartment.

“You’d be surprised how many people want to help. There’s this guy…” I started and we both laughed.

“Wait till they find out you and Danny aren’t together anymore. You are going to have more help than you ever wanted.”

“I think some wouldn’t care. There’s this one guy in my calculus class who has always followed me around like a puppy. He got really excited on Monday when I let him hold the door for me. He followed me all the way to the dining hall and even carried my food over to my table. I felt bad when there weren’t enough seats for him, but he was starting to get on my nerves.”

“I guess I shouldn’t worry about you having help so much, huh?” Ashley tossed our bags into the back seat, and then held my door as I slowly sat down and worked to get my casted leg under the dash.

“I’m fine,” I growled as it took longer than it should to get comfortable.

“I don’t know about fine, but independent for sure, Dora.” She giggled as I closed the door and she skipped around to the driver-side door. “I finish at Hawthorne today so if you wanna meet me at the car, I can drive you down to the stadium.”

“Sure. Then I don’t have to crush anyone’s feelings today.” I tipped my head back and stared at the ceiling of the car. “Please let today be a good one,” I mumbled.

“It will be.” Ashley patted my arm before cranking the car. “You’re one day closer to walking again. Every day is good.”

“How can you be so optimistic?” My head lolled in her direction.

“I have to be. We need you back.” She shrugged and began backing out of the parking space. “You’ll see. It’s going to get better, and you’ll be back, better than ever.”

The day passed quickly, and before I knew it we were making our way to the scene of the crime. The stadium looked ominous as we pulled into the parking lot. “I think it’s supposed to rain this afternoon.” Ashley sighed. “Not really my idea of a fun day.” She climbed out and made her way around to my door.

“The rain never bothered me,” I mused as the sky filled with dark clouds.

“It will today.” She eyed my leg. “You can’t get that thing wet, remember?”

“Guess I’ll be watching from the tunnels if it turns bad.” I shrugged as I took a few hops away from the car and closed the door.

“Hey! Look who decided to show up?” Carley jogged over, her cleats clacking against the pavement.

“Couldn’t let you have all the fun.” I laughed. One by one, my teammates came over to say hi before heading to the field. It felt good to be missed, but each person was a reminder that I wasn’t where I was supposed to be.

Practice seemed to last longer than usual, but I guess being an observer was just different. I thought about all the late nights my dad had sitting in the stands waiting for me to finish. He never complained, but I knew it wore on him.

Just as we were leaving, the rain started. “Guess the universe really wanted you to be able to sit out on the field.” Ashley giggled as we climbed into the car.

“Maybe,” I muttered. I was having a moment of self-loathing and didn’t really want anything positive tossed my way. I hadn’t realized when I suggested going to practice how it would actually make me feel. Sitting there, watching my teammates practice when all I could do was watch, was like being kicked in the stomach repeatedly.

“Wanna make an ice cream run?” Ashley smiled. Ice cream was her answer to everything. Madi had cookies, Ash had ice cream.

“You do know that I’m going to be fat if I keep eating all the junk and can’t run, right?” I watched out the window as the rain began to fall.

“I guess I didn’t think about that.” She pulled out of the parking lot and started navigating our way home. “How about a movie?”

“Maybe.” I watched the gloomy scenery whiz by us as we headed home. I knew she was trying to help, but there were days that I just needed to mope.

The days began to bleed together. It was a lot of the same as fall turned into winter. The team went into the off-season schedule, so team practices were spaced out. This was the time of year when you spent your time in the gym doing weight training. It was easier to not think about what I was missing, when not much was happening. If I was lucky, I might make the last few games before graduation.

---