Page 50 of Crown of Wrath

Memories of a time when he stood in front of me and ran his nails over my cheek move through me. I remember staring into that darkness under his cloak. I remember feeling something else. Something other than the pain.

Instead of hiding, I create another effigy. From nothing, a woman made of carved wood appears in front of the Shade, and he stops, pausing.

“You’ve decided to come play,” he whispers, his eyes on the woman. Shadows crawl up from the ground and wrap around her arms and legs. They solidify and pull at her body, trapping her. I can feel every touch of his shadows, and they only remind me of other sensations. So different and yet so similar.

But what’s different about them?

He glides to her, and I’m silent as I watch him move. I remember being in this same position, but I was terrified.

His nails move over the effigy’s cheek. The rasp of hard nails against hard wood is the only sound in this forest. For a moment, everything else, including the wind, is silent as he teases me. His nails move down the wood, gliding over its throat to its collarbone. A stronger earthquake moves across the world as those nails move to the effigy’s breast.

I’ve felt each of these things before, but somehow, it’s different. Somehow, this feeling is nothing like what I remember. This is distant, like a tingling. A memory of a feeling rather than the feeling itself.

“Why can’t I feel you?” I whisper.

“Because you’re too far away, Maeve. You’re still hiding.”

The effigy shakes its head. “I’m right here. I’ve let you capture me, and I’m letting you touch me. I’m not hiding.”

The Shade pauses, and I know that he’s smiling behind the hood. But what’s there to smile about? “You’re letting me touch a part of you, but that’s why you can’t feel me the same way. I need to touch your mind and soul, but I also need to touch your body.”

“My body?” I say it and more memories flood me. Memories of a world away from this place. A world where trees rise above me rather than being a part of me. The light gets brighter, and I remember other fragments of memories. A village full of cottages hidden under massive oak trees. A village that was lost to mists. People that I cared about.

“Yes, Maeve. Your body. It’s the only part of you that knows how to truly feel my touch.” His nails move over the effigy’s stomach, down between its legs. Another memory fills my mind. A night when the Shade bound me and made me beg him to touch me more. I’d been willing to do anything for him. I’d been willing to give him anything.

“You used my body against me once before, Shade,” I whisper.

“I did. But I didn’t give you what you wanted then.” He raises his hand and says, “I swear I won’t hold back this time, Maeve. Come back to your body and I swear I will give you every bit of pleasure that you wanted from me.”

A band of red encircles his wrist and glows with power. An unbreakable vow. He’s not lying. “But the pain will go away if I just wait. Everything will go away.”

“Everything will go away, including the pleasure. If you fix things—if you heal yourself—I’ll be waiting for you.”

He’ll be waiting for me.I don’t know why, but that thought gives me pause. “But it hurts…”

“The pain will still be there. It will be terrible, but every day it will get better. It won’t ever go away, but you’ll learn to live with it. Eventually, there will even be days you forget that it’s there. Instead, you’ll smile and think about theother thingsyou have. But if you give up—if you disappear—then you’ll never know what else is waiting for you.”

A memory runs through me. A night around a fire with people drinking coffee and laughing. I felt light then. I was…happy. Not content. I was more than that.

The effigy turns away from the Shade to look at the broken forest around her. “You’ll be there with me?” I ask. “You promise? Will you stay with me until it’s better?”

Another memory. This one is so long ago. An image of me in a house next to a girl. I was terrified, and then the Shade was there, and I knew things would be better. He would fix whatever was wrong.

He nods. “I will stay with you until you ask me to leave, Maeve. I will help you bear the weight of your suffering.”

Then, the effigy does what I wish I could do. She reaches out and takes the Shade’s hand in hers. “I don’t know how to fix myself. It’s all breaking. Everything’s disappearing. I don’t remember things. I… I’ve forgotten so much.”

Words come to my mind unbidden from somewhere that I can’t place.One cloak was given to my House. Darkness given form. Power for the powerless. For one who will change the fate of himself and the many. The Shadowed Cloak will be the undoing of kingdoms, but according to Calyr, it is the final piece.

The words come unbidden as the effigy’s hand rests upon the soft linen that seems so familiar to me.

“Make it grow, Maeve,” the Shade says. “Rebuild the forest.” He smiles through the darkness again and raises his hands. Around him, shadows rise from the broken and burned skeleton of the forest. Leaves of black sprout from shadowed branches. “Grow the forest again. Think of me. Find your shadows again.”

The effigy looks up at him, its black eyes turning green, and then it says, “I think I can do that, but… I need you to leave. I need quiet.”

He looks around at the world and shakes his head. “Maeve, I can’t leave you. If I leave, you could…”

“Give up?” I finish.

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