Page 73 of Sticking Out

“You’ll be a good mom too.” I’m about to counter, and she squeezes my hand to stop me. “Dani, things are a mess right now, I know that. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have a family of your own one day. You will, I know it.” She puts her hand on her chest. “I feel it in my soul.”

I try to smile, but tears fill my eyes instead. I don’t think she’s right, but I don’t have the energy to fight her on it, so I say, “Thanks.”

She swallows and takes a sip of her own coffee. “I can’t understand it to be honest.” She snorts out a humorless laugh. “There’s a lot of things I can’t understand, like why you even started dating Alec when you loved Conner since you first met him in high school.” She glares at me, daring me to counter that truth.

“Alec paid me attention,” I admit. God I was such a fool. “But now we both know why he did that.” She gives me a sympathetic look and I continue, “Conner never liked me that way. He never brought up the letter, which only proves that. For a while I thought maybe he never saw it, but I was wrong about that, obviously.”

“I see the way he looks at you, Dani.”

“Rylee, it’s over.”

She shakes her head and briefly closes her eyes, like she’s searching for answers. “I still can’t understand it.”

“What’s not to understand.” I shrug. “Conner and Summer are back together, and they have a child.”

“Do you think he always knew about the child? I’ve been trying to make sense of this for days. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d abandon his child and then suddenly decide to be there for him. I keep thinking there is more to the story.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” I guess there could be. I didn’t give him the chance to explain anything. I was too shocked and hurt after finding him at Summer’s place. He hid that from me. He hid a lot of things from me. I thought we didn’t keep secrets, but I was wrong.

“I mean, think about what he said to Jared.” I toy with my coffee cup and she continues. “He said it’s not what you think and when Jared asked what it was, he wouldn’t say. Why wouldn’t he say? What is he hiding, and why is he hiding it?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose and work to hold back the tears. I’ve cried so much these last few days, I’m surprised I’m not completely dehydrated. With my brain a chaotic mess, I say, “I don’t know, Rylee. All I know is what I saw. He had his arm around Summer, and was holding a boy’s hand. A boy who looked exactly like him.”

She gasps and sits up a little straighter. Her movements surprise me, and a strange cold wave moves over my body. I hug myself as she picks up her coffee cup and hurries to the counter, her back to me.

“What?” I ask, suddenly not sure I want to hear the answer. As my entire body chills, I rub my arms, a sick, uneasy feeling growing in the pit of my stomach.

“The letter,” she begins, as she puts another pod into the machine. “Conner had it after all these years.”

“Yeah.” I take a sip of coffee and it suddenly tastes bitter on my tongue.

“I don’t understand that. Why keep it? He’s moved from his childhood home, why bring it with him? If he wasn’t into you back then, wouldn’t he have just tossed the letter, not taking it with him when he bought a house?”

“I don’t know why Conner does what he does,” I answer, wishing my brain would slow long enough so I can have more rational thoughts.

Rylee turns to face me. She leans against the counter, like she needs it to support her as she grips her coffee cup with both hands, cradling it so hard, I’m worried she’s going to break it. My gaze leaves the cup and my heart stalls as I take in her pale face.

“What?” I ask again, a measure of panic racing through my blood. I push back in my chair, an odd sense of fight or flight instinct gripping me, because I’m not entirely sure I want to hear what she has to say. What does she know that I don’t? Has my brain been blocking something to protect me? I’m sure that’s what Melanie, who is a fabulous therapist, would tell me.

“Dani,” she begins quietly, her voice low, like she’s trying to soften the blow of what she’s about to say. I stare at her, my words lodged in my throat. Suddenly, as Summer’s words once again come back to haunt me— Always wanting what the other has—my brain begins to clear of the chaos, and a new kind of understanding—an entirely different scenario—plays out in my mind. Oh God. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Summer knew Alec better than I thought she did, and there’s only one way that could have happened.

“Rylee…” I try to speak but my words are lodged in my throat.

“What if Conner found the letter in the box, and took it to protect you from being hurt more? What if he loved you all those years ago too? Maybe he didn’t want you to know the extent of Alec’s betrayal, that he was only with you to hurt Conner.”

A cry lodges in my throat. “When I asked Conner if he thought that was true, that Alec never loved me, he said that wasn’t true.”

“Of course, he did. He wouldn’t want you to think you meant nothing to Alec. That you were a pawn in a game of hate.”

“But that’s exactly what I was. It’s the only thing that makes sense in my life. Alec barely touched me. It’s the only logical explanation.”

She takes a step toward me. “You know way more than Conner thinks you do, don’t you?”

I glance at my feet, my hair falling into my face. “I do.” I draw in a shuddery breath, knowing exactly where she’s going with this. “Conner found the letter in the box…,” I state quietly.

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure he did and I’m pretty sure he took it home and hid it so you wouldn’t see it.”

“It was right after I left that letter on Conner’s bed that Alec started pursuing me.” Sadness grips me. Sadness for the hurt Alec caused, the years Conner and I lost.

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