Page 9 of Sticking Out

“I wasn’t. I’ve given it a lot of thought, but clearly not enough thought. I think desperation is messing with my reasoning abilities.”

“Why me?” I push out past a tight throat.

She goes quiet and every muscle tightens. Honestly, I don’t expect her to say that it’s me she wants—that it was me she always wanted, and somehow ended up with Alec. No, I don’t expect that at all. I don’t even want that.

Yeah, okay, dude. Chill the fuck out.

“It’s just that we’re friends and I trust you.” Her brow is furrowed, tight as she swallows. “I know you. I know what you’re made of.”

What I’m made of?

All the reasons this is more complicated. Honestly, I can’t make sense of it. Wouldn’t that put our friendship on the line. That’s not something I’ve ever wanted to mess with. I know things come in threes, and after losing my brother, Dani’s baby…I’ve been waiting for the third ball to drop, and dammit, it’s not going to be my relationship with her. I can’t risk that.

But a baby is so damn important to her, dude.

Under her breath she murmurs, “DNA.” I lean into her, and strain to figure out what it is she’s saying. “DNA,” she whispers again, and those three little letters hit me in the gut harder than that fucker Blake Danske in tonight’s game.

Yeah, okay I get it. I’m made of the right DNA. DNA close to my brother’s. Fuck, would she even want his DNA if she knew what he’d been doing behind her back when she was pregnant—when she was spotting and in trouble and needed him more than ever before. Probably not, but I can’t tell her that.

I also can’t tell her I don’t have the right DNA. What if my offspring takes after me, and ends up getting bullied and beaten up, because he’s ‘thick in the head’ as I’ve been called. I barely made it through high school. Dani knows I struggled. She just doesn’t know why. I don’t like to talk about it. Would she want my DNA if she knew I had a learning disorder? I guess the fact that she knew I struggled, and still asked, says there’s a good chance she would want it. Jesus, she’s that desperate for a piece of Alec.

I go quiet for a long time, and when I reach her house I pull into the driveway. I yawn, my body suddenly so very tired. “Thanks for the lift.” She reaches for the handle, like she’s about to scurry away. Fine. I reach for mine too and she stares at me when I exit and circle the front.

“What are you doing?”

Tension arcs between us and I hate it with every fiber of my being. “We should probably talk a little more about this.”

“Honestly, Conner. It was a mistake.” The sadness about her absolutely guts me, and I pull her into my arms. At first she’s stiff, but then she relaxes into me, and puts her arms around me. Fuck, she’s been through so much. Too much. Her body begins to shake, despite my warmth.

“Come on. Let’s get you inside.”

She nods and sniffs, so I keep my arm around her and walk her to the door. Since I have my own key, I unlock it and we step inside. The warmth of her place wraps around me like it always does and makes me feel right at home. I’ve always loved being at her place. This one and the one she grew up in. Her mother still makes the best cherry pie.

I take my coat off and hang it in the front closet and she slips out of hers and I take it from her. “Are you hungry?” she asks. “You didn’t eat much at the pub.”

“Too hyped up.”

“I can heat us up some lasagna. I didn’t eat much either.”

No wonder. She was probably trying to figure out the best way to ask me to be her baby daddy. She stifles a yawn, and I put my hands on her shoulders and walk her to the kitchen, indicating for her to sit. “I’ll heat it for us.”

I open up her freezer and pull out the individually sized containers with the lasagna and toss them into the microwave. As they heat, I pour us both a glass of water and sit next to her. She watches me with careful eyes, like I’m about to berate or lecture her or something. She knows better than that, though.

I sit and my knees touch hers. “If the doc suggested the good old-fashioned way, have you thought about dating again?” Is it too soon to be asking that? Alec has been gone for two years, and she hasn’t even cleaned his closet out yet. I guess we all grieve in our own ways, and the fact that she wants my DNA, because it’s close to Alec’s, well…she’s still in love with him.

“Actually, I have thought about it.”

My stomach tightens. Goddammit, why do I hate the idea of her in another man’s arms? It was bad enough seeing her with my brother, but they were happy, which made me happy for her. I consoled myself with that because they were two of the most important people in my life. It must have taken so much for her to ask me. Fuck. I feel like a real douche for shutting her down so quickly.

“I just…I’m not ready.”

No, of course she’s not. She’s never gotten over Alec. He was and still is the love of her life. Wait, what is that in her eyes? What is it she’s not telling me? I’m about to ask when the microwave beeps.

“Did you get to see your parents tonight?”

I love how they come to all my home games. Raising me wasn’t the easiest of jobs, but my whole family was there for me—Alec included. Which makes what Dani is asking me all that much stranger. “Yeah.”

“They were bursting with pride as usual.” If I hadn’t forced Alec to come home that day two years ago, they’d probably have two sons to be proud of, but no, now they only have one.

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