Page 54 of Sticking Out

“But you were always a very special boy. A very special son, and brother.”

He swallows and goes still, like he’s waiting for the ball to drop. “We know how much you loved and adored Alec.” Bill casts a quick glance my way. “We all loved Alec.”

I glance down quickly, sensing he knows the truth about me, and my love for his eldest son. “Alec was a special boy, too.”

“But he wasn’t you,” the words burst from my mouth, and I gasp, instantly wanting to take them back as all eyes turn to me.

“That’s right, Dani,” Bill agrees with a heavy sigh.

Conner shakes his head. “I have no idea what’s going on here. What are you talking about?”

“Your brother was jealous of you, Conner.”

Darcy dabs her eyes. “We always suspected it.”

“No.” He gives a hard, unyielding shake of his head. “He protected me. He was always there for me. He stood up for me.”

“He wanted what you had,” Bill states quietly, like his low words will soften the blow of Alec’s betrayal.

“I had a goddamn learning disorder that led to me getting bullied when I was a kid. No one wants that, Dad.”

“You were and always have been just a little bit golden, Conner. It just took time for that light to shine, but it’s always been inside of you. Your brother knew it every bit as much as the world did.”

Conner drops into his chair, his shoulders falling as he tosses his high school hockey medals back into the box. “I…I don’t understand. Why would he want my things?”

“He didn’t want your things, son. He just didn’t want you to have them.”

As I glance around the room, take in three sets of tortured eyes, all cast down in pain, my heart jumps into my throat, that’s when I have an epiphany.

Did Alec love me, or did he just not want his brother to have me? But wait, Conner never wanted me, right? Isn’t that why he ignored the letter? Unless…

20

Conner

I stand back and look at the freshly painted walls in the dining room. A pretty good job if I do say so myself. I grin when I glance at the spot that once held my very bad portrait, but then the smile fades from my face as my mind races back to dinner with my parents, and the thing they told me.

I didn’t want to believe them at first, naturally. I don’t want to think anything bad about my late brother. Yet, I can’t find any other explanation for the box of my things I found in the closet. It raised so many other questions, mainly, is that why he went after Dani?

My heart jumps into my tight throat, and a tortured sound fills the air as I try to process that. Dani once said they barely had sex. Could it be because he only wanted her so I couldn’t have her? Did he know I had feelings for her? Jesus, I don’t want to believe that and I sure as hell hope Dani doesn’t either. There’s another part of me, however, and it’s strange to think this… I’m so damn superstitious, believing things happen in threes. I’ve spent years waiting for the ball to drop, and there is this measure of relief in me to think this was it.

Finding out about my brother’s betrayal, that had to be the third thing, right? I’d reasoned out the other day that I no longer have anything to worry about. My biggest fear was losing Dani in this situation, and that can’t happen now. The third ball had fallen. I’m sure of it. The truth is, we’ve actually grown closer through all this, and I no longer fear that our relationship is at jeopardy.

I glance at my phone. After a busy day at the day camp, I didn’t think I’d get this wall finished before she got home from work. Tonight, I’m headed out with the guys and she’s having dinner with the girls. I need to get a shower, and get ready if I don’t want to be late.

I quickly clean up, and make my way upstairs to shower. In the main bedroom, I begin to strip off my clothes. I toss my shirt onto the bed, my gaze going to the open closet door. My heart beats a little faster as my gaze settles on the boxes in the closet, and I swallow hard, a part of me wanting to tear into a box, the other part of me wanting nothing at all to do with it.

Forcing myself to turn away, I take one step toward the bathroom and stop. I stand for a good two minutes, my thoughts a chaotic mess as I consider my next move. Do I really want to dig deeper? Hasn’t enough damage been done?

Walk away, Conner.

We don’t ever have to open those boxes. We can clear the closet out without ever having to know what’s inside. With that thought in mind, I step toward the bathroom only to spin around, take three big steps toward the closet and scoop up one of the damn boxes. It’s heavy, and it’s taped closed. Shifting it in my hand, I carry it to the bed, and drop it onto the new comforter set Dani picked out. My fingers stall as I stare at it.

Nothing good can come of this…

What if something can? What if everyone is wrong and there’s something very redeeming in this box. Fuck. Before I can talk myself out of it, I rip into the tape and peel it off. The cover is folded over, so I tug it free, and a measure of relief washes through me, when I find Alec’s old college textbooks. Nothing about the stack of textbooks is redeeming. I’m just glad it’s not more of my stuff.

I pick one of the books up, and flip through the pages. An envelope falls out, and as I bend to pick it up, and see my name on it, the room closes in on me. “What the hell,” I murmur and tentatively grab the corners of the yellowed edges of the envelope. I stare at it for a long moment, the handwriting, especially the wispy curve of the C in my name, letting me know who wrote it.

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