Page 39 of Shattered Dreams

We make tender, early morning love, and when we’re done, I’m so high I don’t need coffee. I make some anyway because I love him, and his smile is so sexy as I carry a coffee tray to the bed. My heart tumbles at his feet, and I whisper a promise I’ll do whatever I need to do to keep him for the rest of my life.

No matter how dangerous that promise proved to be, I would do it again a million times over.

Douglas picks us up, and Zane and Stella are already sitting in the back of the SUV, their hands linked, her head resting on his shoulder. They look so much in love it brings tears to my eyes.

My doctor appointments make me weepy in a different way. Without Stella, none of this would be possible. Richard Denton showed her the clip someone filmed of my breakdown at the Lyndhurst, and it would have been easy for her to believe that I needed to be at Quiet Meadows. She’d had no reason to break into my room, but if she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have brought me to Zane’s full attention and he never would have rescued me.

Zane hates these appointments. He blames himself that I need them at all, and maybe that’s true, but I can’t spend the rest of my life bitter and resentful. Ash manipulated all of us and hating my brother for what he did would only give Ash more power he doesn’t deserve.

Gage sits next to me, holding my hand. He’s somber—he doesn’t know what to expect. The morning we had unprotected sex is heavy on his mind, and it won’t surprise me if he asksDr. Reagan all the questions I want to ask about drugs and pregnancy first.

He’ll be a great father, but now isn’t the time for children. I have a lot of issues and maybe there will never be a good time. Gage isn’t the type of man who would have children out of wedlock, and if we can’t get married because I don’t recover enough to reassure him that he’s not taking advantage of my mental state, he wouldn’t want to have babies with me, either.

It saddens me to think I may not be able to give him everything I want, but I won’t break up with him again. I have to believe it when he says I’m enough. He’s never given me evidence to the contrary.

Dr. Reagan is waiting in his office, and after we’re seated and Gage is leaning against the wall near a window, removed, but still a part of the meeting, he turns his attention to me. He wants to know how I’m feeling, how I’ve been doing since my meltdown. His eyes flick to Gage, whose arms are crossed over his chest, a glower of serious concentration on his face, and he asks how our relationship is coming along.

I answer honestly, that Gage and I broke up but we’re back together now, and he nods, not as interested in the intricacies of my personal life as Jerricka is.

“I’m cutting the doses more drastically this time, Miss Maddox. I’m tired of this, and so are you. We’ll wait a bit longer between, since this decrease is steeper than the last, but I don’t see this going on much longer. We’ve been hesitant, more careful than we need to be and it never hurts to err on the side of caution, but by the summer, let’s say you’ll be done with this garbage, shall we?”

Hope blossoms in my heart. “Really?”

His faded blue eyes twinkle behind his wireless glasses. “Yes. You’ve been doing fine. There could be certain stressors that will affect you more than others, but that may just be your nature.We all deal with stress in different ways. You look to be happy and settled, and if you keep going to a therapist, she can help you stay on an emotional track.” He pauses and glances at Zane. “You’re still seeing Dr. Solis?”

Zane frowns. “We’ve talked about—“

“Yes,” I interrupt, glaring at my brother. “I took a short break over the holidays, but I don’t plan to stop seeing her.”

Dr. Reagan chews on the inside of his cheek. “Zane’s been sharing information with you?”

I bristle. “Yes, he has, and I know about her connection to Quiet Meadows, but I like her and I don’t believe she was involved in anything nefarious.” It’s stupid, but I’m proud that I could snatch the word I needed out of my mind.

My doctor sighs, not as impressed as I am. “As long as you’re making choices based on facts and not only emotion. I understand you and she have built a close relationship, but when you started seeing her, we didn’t have the information we have now. I’ll leave the decision to you and your family. Regardless, therapy can be difficult, and I’m pleased with the work you’ve put in.”

“There’s always room for more discussion.” Zane blows out a breath and pats my hand. “This is great news, Z. Let’s go out for lunch and celebrate.”

I hesitate. “I need to ask a couple of questions first.”

“Okay.” Slouching, he settles into his seat.

My heart drops.

Stella, who’s been quiet this whole time, looks at me, then Gage, then Dr. Reagan, and back to me again. “Zane, let’s go down to the car. I think Zarah needs some privacy.”

He scowls. “Why? She can ask anything she wants in front of us. If this is about Jerricka—”

“I think this concerns Gage. Let’s go.” She gathers her jacket and purse and shakes Dr. Reagan’s hand.

My brother doesn’t move.

“Zane,” she says firmly.

Finally, he stands. “It’s none of my business, and Stella and I did our share, of ah,” he says and looks at Dr. Reagan, “ummm...that luckily didn’t turn into anything we weren’t ready for. Be smarter is all I’m saying.”

He and Stella leave the office and close the door, and I wilt in my chair in embarrassment, my cheeks blazing.

Dr. Reagan chuckles. “Babies, huh?”

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