Page 38 of Shattered Dreams

I slide my hand from her breast, over her collarbone, and encircle her throat. “Do you remember the picture at the gallery? The one you bought? This is what they felt when the photographer took their picture. This is the passion they felt for each other, the trust.” I squeeze, just a little, and she stares at me, her pupils dilating. “She knew he would never hurt her, just like you know I will never use my strength to hurt you.” Her neck is so slender my middle finger and thumb almost meet under her hair.

She swallows.

“I love you, Zarah.”

Placing her hand over mine, she says, “I love you, too.”

I release her, lift her up, and sit her on the vanity. I lower to my knees, spread her legs, and I eat her out, my tongue lapping at her, Jerricka’s filthy words a glimmer in the back of my mind.

Zarah shatters, and like I promised, I catch her as she falls.

CHAPTER FIVE

Zarah

Iwake up feeling different. I mean, you can’t have the best sex of your life and not feel different. I trusted him, and he didn’t break that trust. It’s the best feeling in the world to know you can give your heart to a man and he won’t rip it to shreds.

It’s what I did last night, when he asked me to turn over. I submitted. I had no choice because he never did anything but love me, and I owed him that allegiance, that kind of love in return.

It was the best decision I have ever made.

He’s still sleeping, a big mountain of a man in my bed, his face lax. He still looks dangerous, like he could take on a group of thugs even if one of his hands was tied behind his back, and maybe he has. How he can control his strength and not hurt me is something I may never understand but will always be grateful for.

I’m nervous about going to my appointment today. I want him there, but I’m scared he’ll hear something he won’t like and walk out. Knowing I have problems is one thing, hearing aboutthem and having evidence presented to you is something else. The appointments are always just a formality. Dr. Reagan likes to see me, check in, but all he does is ask me how I’m feeling and says he’ll call my pharmacy and submit new prescriptions that have lower dosages. I haven’t seen him since I melted down at Gage’s apartment. It feels like a long time ago, but really, only a few weeks have passed.

I think guiltily to the prescription Jerricka gave me. I took it twice after Gage and I made love without protection. After that, I stopped. If I’m pregnant, I want to keep it, and I want it born healthy. I don’t want my son or daughter to have problems because of me. It’s a question I’ll ask Dr. Reagan today, and the next time I see Jerricka, I’ll tell her I can’t continue the prescription she gave me until I know for sure.

She’ll be frustrated, and I hate that. She hasn’t texted sinceTruth or Dareposted Gage’s picture all over the internet, but she sees several other patients besides me. I appreciate she trusts me to make decisions about my own healthcare and she knows I’ll contact her to schedule an appointment when I’m ready.

It’s hard wanting to see her when Gage and Zane tell me I shouldn’t. She’s been my lifeline since Zane brought me home from Quiet Meadows, and I trust her, even if she does dish out tough love every now and then. I know I need it. She doesn’t coddle me because of who I am, and that has made a big difference in my recovery.

The huge strides I’ve accomplished are due to her and Dr. Reagan weaning me off Ash’s drugs. I’m almost there, I can feel it.

Lying on my side, I trace Gage’s abs, hard and taut even in sleep, watching to see if it will wake him up. I’ve never had the freedom to explore a man’s body, and it’s not so scary anymore.

I wish Ash would leave me alone. I’ve tried not to think about that maniac cornering me downstairs, and for the most part, I’vesucceeded. Zane and Stella helped a lot. It was nice they brought dinner last night even though they’re supposed to be relaxing and enjoying each other without worrying about anything else. Chills run up and down my spine knowing Ash sent that jerk to deliver a message. Gage will protect me, but even he couldn’t stop someone from blowing up his truck. Ash could try to pay us back for being together anywhere, anytime. I want to talk to him. I think I’m strong enough now to look him in his eyes and ask him to let me be.

Zane never told me where Ash and Clayton are locked up—if they’re still in the state. One night I overheard Zane talking on the phone in the study, and he was able to persuade them to move Nora Guthrie. Her father was afraid someone would kill her, and he didn’t want her in Minnesota anymore. Now she’s in a women’s prison in Maine. She and Ash were working together and she’ll never get out. Zane only did the ex-governor that favor because he gave Zane and Gage information they wanted about Quiet Meadows.

When I’m in LA, I can ask Mel what happened. She’ll tell me everything Zane doesn’t want me to know. He protects me to keep me safe, but knowledge is power, and I want to know every detail.

Gage rolls over and pins me under his arm. For just a brief second, I’m scared. “Good morning,” he murmurs.

Fear is always my default emotion to any sudden movement a man makes around me, and I push it back. I turn my head and our lips meet. “Good morning.”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah.” I love he cares so much. Despite the rough way he handled me last night, I’m not sore like I thought I’d be.

“Good. Is there coffee?”

I guide his hand between my legs. I’m wet, always in a constant state of arousal whenever I’m around him.

He gently eases a finger inside me. “This isn’t coffee.”

“You give, then I give.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

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