Page 30 of A Reclusive Heart

It didn’t matter that she wasn’t the one to hang up on her mother or that she didn’t do anything wrong, she still felt guilty. Her mother always made her feel bad about everything. Whenshe was a kid, it was so much worse because she truly believed everything her mother said. She became so racked with guilt that she ended up making herself sick. When she moved out at eighteen, things slowly got better and she realized that her mother blamed her for everything, including things that had nothing to do with her.

Unfortunately, knowing that her mother overreacted didn’t help her stomach. She couldn’t ignore the sense of dread that took over as she sat there, wondering what her mother would do next. Would she leave messages of her crying? Give Jamie the silent treatment? She wasn’t sure what passive-aggressive nonsense her mother had in store for her and really shouldn’t care, but she did. She couldn’t help it.

“Do you want to rent a bike and hit the road for a few hours?” Nick asked when she didn’t say anything after a few minutes.

She gave him a forced smile as she shook her head with a murmured, “No, thank you.” Even though she’d rather do that than sit in her room feeling guilty, she couldn’t. She hated when her mother was mad at her, probably because it felt like another rejection. She knew that her mother had too much power over her, but she couldn’t help it. Maybe by the end of this tour, she’d figure out a way to deal with her, but it hadn’t happened yet.

A few minutes later, they were in the hotel lobby waiting for the elevator when Nick reached over and took her hand in his and gave it a small squeeze before letting go, startling her. She looked up to find him scowling down at her. Great, another person she’d pissed off today. This day was just getting better and better, Jamie thought, biting back a sigh.

“There’s nothing wrong with your books, Jamie. They’re great. They’re not trash and they’re certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. I don’t know what’s going on with your family, but I can guarantee you that you didn’t embarrass your family. If anything, your mother and sister are probably jealous,”Nick said with a shrug as though what he’d just suggested wasn’t ludicrous. Her mother and sister would never be jealous of her.

Still...

“Why do you think they’re jealous?” Jamie found herself asking.

Nick simply shrugged as he gestured for her to step into the elevator before him. “I know women,” he simply said and she found that she really couldn’t argue that point, but sadly, it didn’t really clear the matter up for her.

“Meaning?” Jamie prompted when he didn’t say anything else.

“Meaning,” Nick said as he pressed the button for the fifth floor, “that she wouldn’t be making a huge deal out of this if she wasn’t jealous. For whatever reason, your mother and sister are too petty to be happy for you. They’re upset about the amount of attention that you’re getting, so they’re trying to tear you down to make themselves feel better,” he said, stepping out of the elevator next to her as she thought that over.

Was it possible? Jamie wondered as she walked past Nick’s door and pulled out her keycard. It did seem that they acted this way every time something good happened to her. They also went out of their way to make her feel bad for it and did whatever they could to shine the light back on themselves. Not that she cared. She really didn’t like attention, especially all the attention that she was receiving on this tour. The only reason she was sticking it out and not running for the hills was her contract and, of course, the list.

Well, both lists.

Thanks to this tour, she was trying new things and learning a lot about herself. She’d worked really hard to get to this point and maybe, just maybe, it was time to stop allowing her family to make her feel like garbage. Maybe she should...should...

Her thoughts kind of drifted off as her brain registered the feel of Nick’s mouth on hers. As she tried to figure out what was happening, he reached up and gently cupped her face in his hands. His lips moved tenderly against hers and she couldn’t help but relax against him. The kiss was tender, sweet, and did funny things to her stomach and it was absolutely perfect. She honestly couldn’t have hoped for a better first kiss.

He brushed his lips against hers one last time before pulling back. She opened her mouth to say something only to find her mouth covered with his again, this time with a groan that had her toes curling.

“Don’t let them bring you down, Jamie,” Nick whispered against her lips before pulling back.

“What was that for?” she asked in a daze as she fought against the urge to throw herself at him for another kiss.

“Now, you don’t have to worry about going out tonight for a kiss. Go relax, take a hot bath, and get some work done,” Nick said, taking the keycard out of her hand and opening the door for her. He gave her a gentle shove inside the room before closing the door and leaving her standing there, confused.

It didn’t take long to figure out that he’d kissed her to get her mind off of her family drama. It was kind of sweet, but the fact that it had been done out of pity and probably to get her to focus back on work kind of spoiled it, but not enough to stop her from smiling.

CHAPTER 16

This was about to get awkward, Nick thought as he stood outside Jamie’s room. What the hell had he been thinking last night? He had no business kissing her but even knowing that couldn’t make him regret doing it. As much as he would love to say that he did it for her, he knew that kiss had been for him.

All day yesterday, he’d struggled against the urge to reach out and touch her, hold her and kiss her and when she looked so damn miserable standing in front of her room yesterday, he couldn’t help himself. He’d kissed her. It wasn’t wild or out of control, but it had been the most pleasurable kiss of his life. The kiss had been simple, but still managed to leave him hard and aching for her.

He’d shocked even himself by walking away from her last night when everything in him screamed to take her to bed. It would have been easy. She was desperate to lose her virginity and for the first time in his life, he was more than eager to take it. He’d never wanted a virgin before, but he wanted her. He wanted to be the first man to touch her, taste her, and take her until she could barely scream his name and that was why he walked away from her.

Jamie was not the screw-and-leave kind of woman. She was the type of woman any man, besides him, could happily do forever with. She might think that she could handle having sex with a man and never see him again, but he knew her well enough by now to know that wasn’t the case. She might be able to go through with sleeping with a man that she didn’t know the first time, but he knew the moment it ended that she would be racked with guilt. If the guilt that she’d slept with a guy that she didn’t know didn’t get to her, then the loneliness afterward would.

This type of life wasn’t for her. She needed to wait for a guy who loved her and wanted to take care of her. Wasting her virginity on some loser she met at a bar was only going to cause her pain. He couldn’t let her do this and it had nothing to do with the fact that he didn’t like the idea of another man touching her.

He knew that he was just worried about her because he felt responsible for her and that was why he didn’t like the idea of some asshole touching her. It had nothing to do with jealousy because he didn’t get jealous. When she’d announced that she was going to hit a bar last night to get her first kiss and he wanted to put his fist through something, it was because he didn’t want to see her hurt.

It was his job to make sure that she was safe, after all. He had no problem teaching her about sex, especially if it kept her from doing something stupid like trusting some asshole. He’d teach her and discourage her from doing anything stupid. She was a timid little thing, so he didn’t think it would take all that much to get her to stay clear of other men while they were on tour. When they got back, he would ask Dana if she knew any decent men for his little recluse. Of course, he would have to meet them first to make sure that they were good enough for her.

Before he could do any of that, he was going to have to break her heart. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but it had tobe done. There was no doubt in his mind that the little recluse probably thought that last night meant more than just a kiss between friends. She probably had her heart set on the two of them becoming involved, but that couldn’t happen. He didn’t do relationships and she shouldn’t accept anything less.

With a heavy sigh, Nick knocked on her door. He really had no idea how to do this without hurting her. He’d never cared before about letting a woman down, but his little recluse was his responsibility and he was surprised to realize that she was quickly becoming one of his best friends. He’d let her down gently. It really was the least he could do for her.

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