Page 58 of A Reclusive Heart

“You’re not pathetic, Jamie. You just have a problem standing up for yourself,” Nick explained, pressing a kiss against the back of her neck.

“That’s the definition of pathetic,” Jamie pointed out as she found herself settling back against him, mostly because she was pathetic.

“You’re not pathetic, Jamie, and you sure as hell aren’t the same woman I found crawling on the floor of the men’s bathroom,” he promised her with another kiss.

“I thought it was the women’s room,” she mumbled, trying not to cringe at the memory.

“So, I gathered. The point is, you’ve come a long way in a very short time, Jamie.”

“So, you don’t think I’m a pushover anymore?” she asked, sounding hopeful.

“Let’s just say that you’re doing a lot better about standing up for yourself. For those times when you’re not able to, you have me,” Nick said, pressing a kiss against the back of her neck.

“But I don’t,” she mumbled sadly.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Nick asked as he turned her around and gently placed her against the wall.

“I need you to help me out and tell me what else she said to you,” Nick said when she didn’t answer him right away.

“I’m not sure how she knew-”

“Knew what?” he asked, interrupting her as she reached over and ran her fingers through his wet hair.

“That this was going to end when the tour was over.”

“And that’s why you thought I’d whore myself out to keep you under my thumb?” Nick asked hollowly.

“Is that what your mother did?” Jamie asked as she watched a muscle clench in his jaw. For a moment, he didn’t say anything as he looked away from her and she thought that maybe she went too far. She opened her mouth to apologize when he spoke.

“My mother was sixteen when she had me. She was a typical teenage runaway. She got mixed up with drugs and her parents had enough of her shit. She decided that she didn’t need themand took off for California, where she thought that she was going to be a movie star,” he said, ramming his fingers through his hair as he looked back at her.

“She got mixed up with the wrong kind of people very early on. When she discovered that she was pregnant, she rented a three-bedroom apartment with five of her friends. They set up two of the rooms to work out of and shared the third room. When she found out that she was pregnant, it was too late to do anything about it. She debated giving me up for adoption, but since it was Christmas, they thought my birth was good luck and named me Nicholas,” he said with a mocking smile.

Her heart broke for him as he continued. “They set my room up in the walk-in closet and whenever there was a John in the house, they took turns locking themselves with me in the closet until the John left. Needless to say, with six hookers in the house, I spent a lot of time in that closet. When I was around four, they decided that I was old enough to watch out for myself.”

“You don’t have to tell me about this if you don’t want to, Nick,” Jamie whispered as she traced his jaw with her fingertips.

“It’s fine, baby,” Nick said, kissing her forehead. “I didn’t think much about the women living there walking around naked or blowing some guy on the couch while I watched cartoons. It wasn’t until I started school and noticed that the other kids’ mothers didn’t offer to fuck the principal for twenty dollars.”

“As much as I hated living there,” Nick said tightly as his hands clenched into fists, “and I fucking hated it, I couldn’t leave. I always thought that my mother would wake up one day and decide to be a real mother to me, but that never happened. When I was old enough, I walked away and never looked back.”

“I’m sorry, Nick,” Jamie said, not knowing what else to say.

“Don’t be,” he said, forcing a smile, “I’m over it.”

She didn’t think that he was. In fact, she was pretty sure that the reason that he worked so hard was to put distance between himself and his past. She couldn’t blame him. She didn’t want people knowing that she was a pushover or how pathetic she used to be.

He looked so sad at that moment and she wanted to make it better for him and to let him know just how much he was loved. She leaned forward and brushed her lips against his. At first, he didn’t respond and she was afraid that he was still mad, but then, he slowly moved his lips against hers.

“I don’t want you to worry about anything, Jamie. I’m going to take care of you,” Nick promised.

As good as it sounded, she knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep his word. As soon as the tour was over, he was going to break her heart, but she refused to focus on that. Right now, she was in his arms and that was all that mattered.

Soon, the kiss turned hungry and they couldn’t stop running their hands over each other. There really was nothing better than being in Nick’s arms, Jamie thought as she ran her hands over his wide shoulders and down his back, enjoying the feel of hard muscle flexing beneath her touch.

“Up you go, baby,” Nick said as he pressed one last kiss against her lips.

When he went to raise her out of the water, she stopped him with a simple shake of her head. Frowning, Nick opened his mouth, probably to ask her what was wrong, when she gestured for him to get out of the water. With an amused smile and a quick kiss, he did just that. Once he was sitting on the edge, she realized something very important.

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