Page 93 of Homecoming

Rubbing his hand against his neck, the bookstore owner curses and berates his own stupidity for making the call.

“Oh… and the reward…” He whispers hesitantly, but the two men are gone and the store again falls into a deathly silence. The only audible sounds now are the tick of an old clock on the wall and the jingling brass of the bell on the door.

Alanaleansback,tiltsher head to one side, and holds Kat’s gaze as she sits in the soft chair opposite her.

“Do you feel ready for the full assessment now?”

Her voice is soft, her long blonde hair pulled back into a single braid which keeps it away from her face. The smooth pale color of her skin is made up with a hint of rouge blush and a swish of honey gloss coats her lips. Kat can't help but stare and think how mesmerizingly attractive she is.

“I thought I was, but now…” Kat refocuses her thoughts, “now I don’t know. When I left to come here, I was sure I wanted to take the assessment early and get it over with, but now… I don’t know if I’m ready to take it at all.”

“Well, at least you’re being more open and honest now. So what do you think is holding you back?”

“I don’t know. Failure, I guess. If I fail that assessment, my military career is as good as over forever—that’s before we even discuss my fitness level. I’ve been out for an awfully long time in military terms, and I knew it was going to be a tough ask, but I guess until recently I didn’t realize just how tough. Even with the added strength Luna gives me, I still have an awfully long way to go. And now Digby tells me the shifter medic that I’m competing against is a really tough badass. I knew already I wouldn’t be able to talk Darius around but it really feels like I’m setting myself up to fail before I even begin.”

“You did it once before, but what? You don’t think you have the strength to do it again?”

“I had been training for years and hadn’t recently birthed three pups back then.” Kat smiles and continues her direct eye contact with Alana. “I know full well that Darius pulled a lot of strings to even give me this chance because there’s no way I would have been granted this opportunity under normal circumstances. Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful to him for the chance, but I also don’t want to let him down.”

“But what do you want from it, Kat? Being on the team, why do you want it so very much? Do you at least know that?”

“Not exactly.” Kat sighs quietly as she looks at her hands fidgeting nervously in her lap. “I suppose I want the excitement and maybe the danger. The adrenaline rush that being part of the team brings. I love it. I feel respected and validated—like I’m doing something with purpose.”

“You don’t think the pack would accept you if you’re not part of the team? From what I know—what you’ve talked about in these sessions—they see you more as a pack leader figure. That you’re an alpha of equal status, if not more.”

“Darius gave it to me once. Just before I left to have Evelyn, he offered the position of pack leader to me. I obviously couldn’t take it because I was pregnant, and had chosen to go away and let Luna birth the pup. Now I wish I hadn’t made that choice because that decision has ruined Evelyn’s life.”

“You still think you ruined her life because you think she can’t shift?”

“Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, that’s on me. I didn’t think it through properly and as her mom, I made the wrong choice for her. Now she has to live with what I did because I didn’t take care of her.”

“Have you ever thought that maybe it wasn’t the wrong decision and maybe it was meant to be this way? Kat, let's be honest, these sessions can’t fix that for you. I can’t tell you it will all be okay because it's a different set of circumstances for you than it was for me. I didn’t have to choose. I am a shifter, and we can’t stay in our shifted form indefinitely. I know that technically you’re a shifter too—wolves, bears… hyenas. But we’re different. We’re defined astherianthrope… the ability of human to transform into any shape.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve read up about it—lycanthropyfor wolves andtherianthropefor shifters, right? When I read about vampires, that had children and I realized it might be possible—that itwaspossible—I thought if it happened then I was giving Darius something very special, something he didn’t have… only to find out now he already has a son.”

“But he doesn’t. Darius doesn’t have a son. Riley is not his son—he’s Matthew’s. Matthew was there for him at bedtime, bath time… when he cut his knee climbing the tree in the yard. The day Riley cried when Quinn shifted in front of him—when he was so scared, he was inconsolable. It was Matthew that was there for him. He is Riley's true father. Matthew has always accepted him as his son, and he has never treated him any differently than Quinn. Darius would have never been there like that. So, Darius doesn’t have a son… he was just a sperm donor, end of discussion.”

Alana places the file filled with notes on the small wooden coffee table and leans back in her chair. “Kat, you have to understand, to Darius, I was just some pole-dancing shifter-whore and he wouldn’t have cared. In fact, he’d have probably tried to talk me into getting rid of the pup. Darius wasdifferentfrom the man you describe now. He was a pure alpha wolf and maybe that’s what the younger me found so attractive. He was respected for all the wrong reasons—feared. And oh my God, he was strong—so very, very strong. Sometimes I thought he might choke me to death when we had sex and that he wouldn’t care. His reputation was based on fear and control. It was his dominance that made him a strong pack leader. Perhaps I deluded myself, but I see now that I was just something to pass the time—a toy, almost.”

“I’m sure he didn’t think like that.” Kat picks up a glass of water and sips before carefully placing it back on the table. Her eyes look up and meet with Alana’s. “Did you ever meet her? I mean his wife. I often wonder what she was like.”

“Isabella? Yeah, I saw her a few times at the club, but it was rare for her to come there. The club was his place, his sanctuary away from everything else. But I still remember vividly the first time I met her. The club was buzzing with gossip about her and then when she arrived, the look on Darius’s face… she was so beautiful, and even I was in awe of her. Those stunning green eyes—just like yours. I’ll admit, I was jealous. Darius made me serve her and the rest of the guests drinks that night—I felt like he did it to humiliate me. To show me he was in control. I think she knew. She could probably smell him on me because we fucked in the bathroom during that party. After she left—he came to find me, and we fucked again. I’m not proud of that because as hurt as I was, I can only imagine how hurt she was.”

“He couldn't have loved her to treat her like that… but I always thought he was devastated when she died.”

“I think he did love her—in his own way. But Darius and Isabella began as an arrangement—a union of two packs. Her mother had been dead a while and when her father, the pack leader, died, her aunt made the arrangements with Darius’s pack. I think her aunt wanted status—she was a mean woman who lived under the shadow of her sister. She craved power and being the guardian of a pack leader’s wife gave her that power. She used to come to the club a lot—looking to hook up with younger wolves. You know, I often thought she would have fucked Darius herself, but he wasn’t interested in her.”

“Did you love him? The way you talk about him, it’s like you loved him—despite the way he treated you.”

“Love? I’m not sure you would call it love… but I wasn’t the person I am now. I was very young, naïve and shallow, but sleeping with Darius made me feel empowered. The other girls were scared around me. I got all the best tips and I guess I stupidly fell for his arrogant charm. I adored him, which is of course was exactly what he wanted. Darius loved to be in control—of everything. He had a presence and when he walked into a room, everyone knew he was there. In some respects, from what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like he’s changed all that much.”

Alana takes a breath, shuffles her papers and stands up before she walks to the coffee machine and refills her cup. “Isabella dying and Darius losing his pup... I think it might have changed him. I left the club not long after, but occasionally I would check up on him and ask people I knew from the club how he was. They’d tell me he’d spiraled out of control and that he was angry and broken. It was guilt. He felt guilt that he wasn’t there when she was killed. A pack leader is supposed to protect his pack—Darius failed to do that.”

“I get it. But you know he still won’t talk to me about Evelyn—he won’t discuss or acknowledge even the possibility she might be his. I’ve tried to make him see, but he just uses the excuse 'it’s not possible', then shuts me down. When I first told him, he seemed so excited and I could see it in his eyes the idea that he might be a father, it thrilled him. Now it's like he's blanking it out. He says I was seeing things. Denies it. I almost wish I hadn’t told either of them the truth. Digby wanted her so very much. Hell, he wants even more pups—lots more pups.” Kat rolls her eyes. “I think he’d have a football team of pups if I'd let him.”

“But you won't? I mean, don’t you want anymore pups?”

“Maybe… I don’t know. But definitely not right now. Right now, I want my place on the team. I need to be more than just a wolf mom, more than just some trinket Luna wolf that does nothing of purpose. I don’t want to feel like an ornament for the pack. Does that make sense? Is it wrong that I want more?”

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