Page 54 of All Along The Watchtower

I hadn’t planned to sleep with her. Not ever. She was my best friend, and I hadn’t wanted to fuck that up, despite the stirrings of attraction I’d been fighting off since my first break with Emily. I’d been afraid it was just some weird rebound thing, and I wasn’t about to use Bree like that.

But she’d been so devastated after the fire. I’d wanted to distract her. To comfort her. There’d been alcohol and an unexpected kiss that rocked me to my core. Because it had finally stripped off the blinders I’d been wearing for years. I wasn’t just attracted, and it wasn’t some reaction to being free of the toxic ties to Emily. I was in love with Bree. Had been for years. And I’d been too fucking stupid to realize. I should have stopped there. Should have immediately admitted that I’d enlisted. But she’d kissed me again, and it had set us both on fire. From there, things had just… gotten out of hand. Gone too far.

You were my first. Did you know that?

Christ, I hadn’t known. Somehow that compounded my fuckup to an infinite degree.

And now… now I didn’t know what to do. The apology I’d been hanging onto for years hadn’t been enough. It hadn’t changed anything. As she’d said, it didn’t undo the damage I’d done. Nothing could.

The knowledge of that absolutely killed me. I wanted to make things better. I wanted to prove to her she was a priority for me. But I wasn’t even sure she wanted to be a priority for me anymore, and I had no idea what to do with that.

I’d told myself I’d be satisfied if I could earn back her friendship, but facing her down today, I had to admit the truth, even if only to myself.

I was still in love with her.

Bree was the unfinished business I’d left behind. The specter that cast a pall over every relationship I’d attempted since.

I wished I had it all to do over again. That I’d hadn’t been blind to the extent of my feelings for her. I would never have enlisted, and maybe we would have finally become exactly what she’d imagined with those castles in the sand she’d talked about. Because, damn it, we were good together. Not just physically—although holy hell, yes—but as friends. We understood each other. And we could have—should have—been each other’s everything.

Instead, I’d taken her for granted. I’d been a damned fool. And now I might have lost her for good.

The ringing of my phone dragged me out of my rumination. I didn’t recognize the number and almost let it go to voicemail. I wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone. But on the off chance that it was something to do with work, I answered anyway. “Hello?”

“Lieutenant Commander Donoghue?”

The use of my rank had me shoving my emotional turmoil aside. Probably was something related to my new assignment or maybe we’d missed something in connection with my transition. “Speaking.”

“This is Special Agent Langston.”

Everything in me went on high alert. “What do you want?”

“First off, to apologize. I didn’t agree with how we were asked to handle things with you and your daughter. You were right that we weren’t being forthcoming about why we came to see you.”

Oh fuck. What now? “Has that changed?”

Langston paused. “Officially, no. In fact, my superior would be pissed as hell to know I was talking to you.”

I shoved up from the sofa and began to pace. “And yet, here you are.”

“Here I am. Against direct orders, because I think you’re a man who can handle himself. Out of an abundance of caution, I’m sharing some of the details of our investigation with you. I need a promise of your discretion.”

“I’m not sure who you think I’d be sharing with. What’s going on, Langston?”

“Casey Walsh was helping us investigate the company she worked for.”

“So she wasn’t under investigation herself.”

“No, no. She came to us, actually, after finding some… inconsistencies in paperwork. It was enough for us to verify that something was going on, but not sufficient to be actionable. She was gathering additional intel.”

My brain spun with the implications. So Casey had realized something shady was going on at work, and instead of searching for a new job, she’d gone to the authorities. Then stayed in when they’d asked for more.

“Are you suggesting that someone found out? Is that why she’s dead? Was Casey’s death something other than natural?” The idea of it turned my stomach. Had she died because she’d tried to do the right thing?

“We have no reason to believe her death was anything but a natural tragedy. But the information she was gathering for us has disappeared. We don’t have it, and according to our sources, neither does the company.”

“That’s why you were asking Peyton all those questions. You thought Casey brought it home.”

“We don’t know what she did with it. The fact is, neither does anyone else. I’m concerned there is a slim possibility Peyton could be a target because of it.”

---