Page 53 of All Along The Watchtower

Something in his tone had me going stiff again, my fingers tightening on my mug. “Kids will do that.”

When he lifted his gaze to mine, my stomach twisted into a cleat hitch knot.

“There are things I need to say to you. That I’ve needed to say for years. I know you haven’t been ready to listen. And I get that. I hurt you. In ways that should have been so fucking obvious to me before I did it. When I left for the Navy, I broke the very first promise I ever made to you—that you wouldn’t be alone anymore. I had my reasons for going, but none of them matter. I made the decision without taking you into account, and I ruined the best friendship I ever had. I know it’s too little, too late, but I am sorry. I’ve always been sorry. And I just… I needed you to know that going forward.”

The bloom of pain started in my chest and spread outward, overtaking every inch of my body as I closed my eyes and soaked in the apology I hadn’t allowed him to make for a decade. He knew. He actually knew and understood why I was upset. Why what he’d done had cut me to the quick. I shouldn’t be surprised. No one had ever known me better than Ford. And it mattered that he recognized it. That he owned it. So few people understood that was an essential component of a genuine apology.

Opening my eyes again, I found his gaze steady on my face, waiting, pleading. He’d said his piece. Now it was time to say mine.

I sipped at my now cold coffee to wet the throat that had gone dry. “I appreciate the apology and the acknowledgment. But it’s not that simple. That last summer wasn’t the first time you hurtme, Ford. There were little slices to my heart for years before that. You were my best friend, but I never felt like yours. It was always your brothers who came first, and I so often felt like I got the scraps of your attention. I took it because I loved you, and I figured anything was better than nothing. Then the tavern was torched, and for the first time ever, you truly put me first. You were there for me, supporting me, making me believe everything was going to be okay, even though the bottom had totally fallen out of my world. I got through it because you were there, and I thought, no matter what happened, I’d keep getting through it because I had you.”

A muscle jumped in his jaw, but he didn’t interrupt me as I paused for another sip of coffee. “You were my first. Did you know that?”

He jolted, obviously shocked. “I?—”

But I didn’t want to hear it, so I pressed on. “You changed things between us that night, and I thought—finally,finallyyou saw me. Saw us. What we could be together. I was the idiot who was building castles in the sand in the days after, thinking we were on the same page. And then you announced that you and all the other Wayward Sons had enlisted in the Navy. That you were leaving in a matter of weeks. That the decision had been made before you ever took me to bed. And that was my line, Ford. Because you never discussed it with me. Never even brought up the fact that you were considering it. And it was just more proof that I wasn’t a priority for you.”

His face twisted as if I’d stabbed him directly in the gut. “Bree?—”

I held up a hand to stay whatever protest he might have made. “No. I’ve spent literally my whole life not being a priority for people. I won’t settle for less.”

“Nor should you. But Bree, I?—”

“Stop, Ford. I know we’re both older. And maybe things have changed for you, but even if they have, I can’t be a priority for you now, either, because you have Peyton. That’s exactly where your priorityshouldbe. She needs you. All of you. So I appreciate the apology, but it doesn’t undo the damage.”

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, his face twisting with unfettered grief. Maybe that should’ve moved me, but I had my own pain to grapple with.

“You should go.”

“Bree—”

My control of my emotions had been stretched razor thin, and I didn’t want him to be here when I snapped. “If you ever loved me at all, please, just go.” I forced the words out past the lump in my throat.

Reluctance in every movement, Ford pushed back from the table and strode to the door. A moment later, it shut quietly behind him.

Keeley padded over, leaning against my leg and whining, and that show of support broke me. All the stress and strain and grief I’d managed to hold back foryearspoured out of me in a torrent of tears.

CHAPTER 25

FORD

If you ever loved me at all.

As if she doubted I ever had.

God, those words made me bleed. I’d wanted to stay and argue, but I knew that would only make Bree dig in deeper. So despite every instinct screaming at me to stay, I’d done as she asked and walked away.

Though I absolutely needed to get to my own work, I hadn’t made it further than my sofa.

I’d known for years that I’d fucked up. I’d known I’d hurt her. But somehow I’d never realized that she’d felt so excluded. In my memories, she’d been with me almost as much as the rest of my brothers. I’d thought we’d included her, but maybe she’d just felt like a tagalong. An afterthought.

How the hell had I never noticed?

Probably because I’d never had to fight for my place in the world, in any group. I just accepted I had a right to be there. But Bree had never felt as if she belonged. I’d known that from the beginning, and I’d foolishly assumed that we’d done enough to overcome all that childhood trauma.

More fool me.

Of course she’d felt like I chose my brothers over her when I joined the Navy. To some extent, it was true. That decision had belonged to all of us, and I hadn’t consulted her. I hadn’t consulted anyone outside the Wayward Sons. Once it was done, I hadn’t planned to keep it from her, but I’d been working my way up to finding the right way to tell her. I’d known she’d be upset, but I’d thought it would be like when I’d left for college.

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