Page 202 of Hate Mates

“Are you or are you not tempted to accept his offer?” I was calm to cover the fright.

“I said, drop it, Am.”

“We both know I won’t. You want something more extraordinary than our modest lives, and it’s time we talk about it. Because no matter how much you cherish our family, you can’t stop thinking about the greener grass on the other side.”

“It’s practical to want financial security.” He spoke with insinuation, cognizant that I had caught on. “There’s nothing wrong with having a nice house and a sizeable savings account.”

My heart started pounding. Before dinner, Stefan said he loved me more than anything. Nothing could separate us. How quickly the tides had turned. Suddenly, practicality took precedence over his undying love. “We can still have those things. It might take us longer on the path we’re on, but I’ll love every moment of the journey as long as we are together. I need to know you feel the same way.”

Stefan appeared somber. “I love you more than anything, you know that. But I wonder how different our lives could’ve been. Don’t you?”

“Never,” I huffed. “Do you remember my life in high school? My mom ran off when I was young, my father had no interest in me and worked around the clock, and I came home to an emptyhouse every day. Sometimes I’d scream to see if anyone could hear me and confirm I was still alive. Loneliness makes you doubt your existence. But then you came into my life and made me feel seen. I was in awe the first time you invited me over for dinner. Everything here was full of life and crying children. I was addicted to the chaos and never wanted to return to my quiet home. I chose this life, and I’m happy with my decision. If I had to do it all over again, I’d make the same choice.”

He shook his head. “You say that now. Will you feel this way in five years when we want children but can’t afford to feed another mouth?”

“We’ll find a way to make it work,” I said quietly.

“We can’t even afford co-pays for doctor’s visits. It feels catastrophic whenever one of the kids gets sick. For fuck’s sake, Am, you passed out from exhaustion at work and we’re no closer to catching up on overdue bills. Our lives aren’t sustainable for the long haul, especially if we want to start a family of our own. What’s the point of honesty and dignity when this road only leads to disappointment and broken dreams?”

This was a blow to the heart. Stefan had practically confessed what I had already guessed. The reason he didn’t ruthlessly shut Kai down or burn bridges was because he wanted to accept the offer. He had purposefully left the window open for future discussions.

Our relationship shifted with his one admission. There was no turning back now.

My first instinct was to yell at him for the audacity. But my second was to notice how close he was sitting to the edge; it would be difficult to survive a tumble from here.

Now that he had confessed, his gloomy face and perched butt on the ledge made me nervous for a different reason. He hadn’t come up to the rooftop in years, but tonight, someone stripped him of his dignity.

I had long suspected that Stefan was depressed based on his dissatisfactions with life. Sometimes, he was lively, playing with the kids and laughing without restraint. Other times, he would go through the motions like life was mundane and he was simply waiting for it to end.

He wouldn’t actually… No way!

“Stefan,” I said quietly. “Why did you come up to the rooftop tonight?”

No response.

“Stefan.”

“I wasn’t going to do anything,” he said quickly, fully aware he could never lie to me.

My voice shook. “You’re scaring me.”

“I really wasn’t going to do anything, I swear,” he insisted, voice laced with pain. “I don’t want another man to become your second husband. You’re mine, always and forever. But I can’t stop thinking about how easy your life will be if you marry him.”

“My God, Stefan.” I wanted to shake him, scream at him. How could he think our lives would be better off without him?

“I’m trying to be practical here, Am. Kai can give you everything. He could set the kids up for life. You won’t agree to his proposition as long as I’m in the picture. I just thought… if I can’t do anything right in life, maybe I can do it in death.”

My throat was suddenly dry. I felt claustrophobic even though we were outside in the open air. With great difficulty, I opened my mouth. “Let’s talk about this inside, okay? Please, please just get off the ledge and come with me. You can tell me whatever’s on your mind. I won’t get mad, and I’ll listen with an open mind. I’ll consider everything on the table. I’ll be openminded, I promise.”

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, with a heavy sigh, he rose to his feet. Silently, he followed me down the ladder andinside the house. We chose the kitchen table for the conversation because it was farthest from the kids’ rooms.

His eyes were down, staring at a point on the tabletop. “I love you more than anything in this world,” Stefan started with a heavy soul. “Nothing can change that, and no one can break us, not even Kai. Do you believe me? Say you believe me.”

“I believe you,” I spoke with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Kai Cavendish seemed perfectly pleasant while he was my patient. Sure, I had my concerns about this dinner and his intentions. For starters, numerous medical professionals attended to him, yet he only treated me like his savior. Why not thank the entire team? It was also odd that he invited us to dinner on the night we were in a pickle about celebrating the twins.

The setup at the restaurant raised further red flags for me. Toy cars, Barbies, unlimited chocolate fondue—it was a kid’s dream party. Why would Kai Cavendish put in so much effort for us? We were nobodies.

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