Page 116 of Someday You Learn

“Good. But before we have life-changing make up sex, I think you need to tell me about Sasha.”

The sigh that escapes me feels like dropping a brick I’ve carried the weight of for the past four years.

“Okay, but I’m going to start at the beginning so you know everything.”

“Okay.”

Her hands rest on my shoulders as I prepare to share the long-buried story with the woman I hope to write a new one with. My palms grow sweaty and my mind races, but I know this is what I need to do to truly move forward.

“Sasha and I met my senior year at UC Davis. I was twenty, ahead on credits, and she was two years older. I fell hard and fast for her. I was studying to be a veterinarian, and she wanted to be a pharmacist—it felt like a perfect match. But by the time I started the DVM program, Sasha wasn’t sure she wanted to pursue pharmacy anymore. She got a job in a medical office while I focused on school.” Cashlynn keeps her eyes locked on mine as I speak.

“I was honest with her that I planned to move back to Carrington Cove to practice. I wanted to give back to the community that I was raised in, and I had been in contact with your grandfather before I left for college. We had even discussed me returning to work for him. But you know how that turned out.”

She nods. “Yeah… So my father hired you?”

“Yes, and Sasha moved back with me because I proposed to her before I finished the veterinary program. She was leaving her life in California, but we were in love, and she seemed excited about small-town life. But that changed the longer she lived here.”

Cashlynn’s brows knit together, concern in her eyes.

“It started small, now that I think back on it. She got a job at a medical office here and made friends, and started going to happy hour with them after work. And I thought it was great. She was building a life in a new place, and I was focused on proving myself at work. Honestly, it made me feel less guilty for being gone all the time. But I was so focused on work, I didn’t even realize we were drifting apart until it was too late.” I swallow roughly before I continue.

“Years passed and we both just slipped into a routine. I got up and went to work, and she did the same, but didn’t come home until late most nights. It wasn’t until I smelled alcohol on her breath one morning that I started to become concerned. Then I was watching her more closely, looking for signs that it was a real problem. She was an adult, right? If she wanted a few drinks after work, who was I to stop her? Then one night, I got a call from the police. She’d run her car into a telephone pole—while intoxicated.”

“Oh my God,” Cashlynn whispers, her hand covering her mouth.

“Yeah. So that was my wake-up call. I sat down with her and told her I was concerned, all the while wondering how this got so out of control. But I wasn’t focused on her, I was focused on myself and my career, so she found another form of attention and entertainment. I asked her if she’d get help, and she told me she didn’t have a problem. I let things go on for a few more weeks until I had to pick her up from Ricky’s one night and take her to the E.R. for alcohol poisoning.”

“Jesus,” Cashlynn whispers.

“The next morning, I packed her a suitcase and told her I was taking her to rehab, or we were done. She was scared, but I honestly believed that she just needed help. If she got clean, we could start over and I would do better—give her more attention, watch over her, make sure she was healthy.”

“Oh, Parker…”

“She only lasted a week in rehab before she checked herself out,” I say, my voice cracking now. “When she called me from a payphone, I was shocked, and even more by what she said.”

“What did she say to you?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to keep my composure as all the memories and emotions flood my body, most of all the rage I feel reliving this moment. “She told me that she hated me, that she never should have moved across the country with me. She admitted to being unfaithful to me multiple times. And then she told me she wasn’t coming back.” I lift my head and look Cashlynn in the eyes as I say the last part. “Two days later, she died in a car accident. She was under the influence and swerved into oncoming traffic. They say she died on impact.”

Cashlynn’s eyes well with tears, her hand trembling as it moves to cover her mouth. “Oh, Parker.”

“I have carried around the guilt of what happened to her for years,” I say hoarsely. “Convinced myself it was my fault. That I should’ve done more, been better. That if I hadn’t dragged her here, she’d still be alive. But then I met you,” I say, brushing her hair from her face as she drops her hand from her mouth.

“And you made me feel shit I’d been avoiding. But honestly, I don’t think I would have been willing to face my past if it weren’t you that I wanted in my future.” Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “I love you,” I say simply, watching as a smile breaks through her tears. “I love you somuch. You brought me back to life, and I want to get this right with you. That doesn’t mean we won’t make mistakes, as we’ve already learned. But God, I want to make them with you… If you’ll give me that chance.”

She leans forward, pressing her lips to mine, and whispers, “I love you too, Parker Sheppard.”

“Fuck, baby.” Relief washes over me as her words sink in.

“Thank you for telling me everything. I understand you so much better now. You are such a strong man for having gone through something like that and still striving to be the best version of yourself that you can be.”

“You coming back into my life showed me what I would lose if I wasn’t willing to let go of my failures.”

She cups the side of my face. “You are not a failure. You’re human. And I love you for every scar you carry, on the inside and out.” She reaches up and strokes the scar above my eyebrow.

“I love you too, and I know that your relationship with your father is complicated, and I may have made it even more difficult, but I promise, I won’t let him treat you like anything less than the incredible woman you are.”

“As much as I don’t want to admit it, I think you were right to tell him.”

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