Page 115 of Someday You Learn

My heart tells me that sounds promising, but my head is still reeling with everything that could go wrong.

“Not what if,evenif, Parker,” I say out loud to myself, practicing the tip Dr. Jensen gave me.

Even if Cashlynn decides she can’t get past my betrayal, at least I feel in my heart that I did the right thing. I told the truth, stood up for the woman I love, and finally realized what was truly important to me in all of this.

That’s not something I could have said three months ago.

Fuck. I’ve done a lot of growing lately, and there’s only one person I can give credit to.

AsI hang my head in my hands, hoping that this wasn’t all for nothing, that Cashlynn can see past my imperfections and understand that all I wanted was what’s best for her, the sound of a car pulling into the driveway pulls me from my thoughts.

I called out sick today, something I haven’t done in almost a year, and I took tomorrow off as well, giving me through the weekend to hopefully get my life on track.

At least, I hope.

A car door slams and then I hear footsteps on the other side of the garage door, so I head inside. When Cashlynn walks through the front door, my heart tries to leap out of my chest.

“Hey,” she says, setting her duffle bag on the floor by the door as we stare at each other.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

She licks her lips, takes a couple of hesitant steps toward me, but then runs at me, jumping up into my arms as I open them to catch her. “I’m so sorry, Parker,” she cries into my neck as I hold her against me, breathing her in, hearing my heartbeat in my ears.

“Fuck, I’m sorry too, Cashlynn.” Needing to take a moment to believe this, I stand there holding her in my arms, rocking her from side to side as she falls apart. When I finally feel her sobs start to subside, I head over to the couch and sit down with her still wrapped around me. “Talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s going through your head.”

She lifts her tear-streaked face, her skin blotchy and red, yet she’s never looked more beautiful. She’s never looked more likemine.

“I shouldn’t have left last night, but I’m glad I did. I needed a chance to wrap my brain around everything and for your sister to smack some sense into me.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty good at that.”

Shelaughs, wiping under her eyes. “Yes, and the wine helped. Until this morning, that is, when I woke up with a splitting headache.” Then something dawns on her. “Wait, what are you doing home right now?”

“I called in sick. The last thing I wanted was to be at work when you decided to come home.” Stroking the side of her face, I continue. “Because this is your home, Cashlynn…at least, if you still want it to be.”

She nods. “I do, but first, there’s something I need to say.”

“Okay.”

I rub my hands up and down her back, as she glances up at the ceiling, gathering her thoughts. “I know you thought telling my father was the right thing to do, but next time, I would appreciate you coming to talk to me about it first.”

I nod. “I promise. But I want you to know, the only reason I didn’t is because Seth forced my hand, which made it feel like my mess to clean up. And time was of the essence.”

“I understand, and I would have fought you on it, but I still would have liked to be given the choice and the chance to say no.”

“Okay. You got it. I will give you all the chances to say no in the future.”

Her smile helps the fist wrapped around my heart loosen slightly. “Second, I’m sorry that I reacted the way I did about you going to therapy. That was insensitive of me.”

“I swear, Cashlynn, I was going to tell you everything, but—”

She holds up a hand to stop me. “I get it. Talking about your feelings is not something that comes easy to you, but know that if you had told me, I would have respected that and not pushed you to talk about things until you were ready, like I said in the beginning.”

My head bobs up and down. “That’s fair. I assumed how you would have reacted again.”

“Yes, you did. I’ve been doing the same thing with my dad for years,” she says, tears filling her eyes. “It’s a bad habit to break, but I’d like to work on it with you, if you’re still interested.”

Her bottom lip trembles as I reach up and cup her jaw. “I want nothing more than that, Cashlynn.”

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