Page 61 of Devilish

22

KAI

EARLY THE NEXT morning, I slipped quietly out of bed, leaving Lucien fast asleep so I could watch the sunrise. It was the last time I’d get a chance to see it with such a magnificent backdrop, so I grabbed one of the plush robes from the hook on the door and made my way onto the balcony. It was still dark and a little chilly, and I wrapped myself up in the robe and curled up in one of the chairs.

It was sostillhere, nothing like what it would be if I were sitting on a balcony at this time in Manhattan. The city never slept, which meant hearing the hustle and bustle of traffic and people at all hours of the day. It was never this peaceful.I’dnever felt this peaceful.

I took in a deep, cleansing breath of salty-sweet air as the first hint of light crested over the water. The last few weeks had been such a whirlwind, and it was hard to fathom the stark difference between my life before and what I was experiencing now.

Was this just a blip in the struggle of my life? Or was this the time everything changed for the better? It had been so long since I’d held any kind of hope that I was scared to wish for more. Every choice I’d made over the years had been to survive. Dreams were a thing of the past, a luxury I couldn’t afford, notwhen I needed to keep a roof over my head so I didn’t end up back on the streets.

I took another deep breath, trying to let go of the fear rooting its way inside me. Since I’d met Lucien, I’d tried to fall into new experiences and enjoy all the beautiful things he showed me, but how did I deserve any of it? This was Lucien’s world, not mine, even if I desperately wanted it to be.

But more than that, I knew I wantedhim. Even taking away this amazing trip and all the clothes and money andthings, it was the man who made me feel like a person again. Not just some prize or pet or someone to be used. Luciensawme. He read me like he’d known me all my life. Knew my intentions before I did. Wanted to communicate and actually listened when I talked. Didn’t push too hard, and let me open up to him at my pace. And God, he pleasured my body like it was an altar he worshipped at. That was a high I could get used to but didn’t dare, because what if this all ended tomorrow?

I just couldn’t get my hopes up about that. I’d always prided myself on being a realist, and I needed to remember that.

But for now, I’d enjoy the sunrise.

Monaco awakened slowly, birds beginning to chirp and dash through the air, followed by the sound of people starting their day. It was beautiful and serene, and I didn’t know how long I had been out there enjoying it all before the balcony door opened and Lucien stepped outside.

Wearing one of the black silk robes he preferred, he carried a couple of steaming mugs and set them on the small, round table between the two chairs.

“I thought you might enjoy the view more with tea,” he said, sitting down to join me.

He was so damn thoughtful. And gorgeous. How did he look so good in the morning? It wasn’t fair. I was positive I hadbedhead, but Lucien looked as put together in a robe as he did in his perfectly tailored designer clothes.

“Thank you,” I said, and took a sip of the tea. It was just the perfect amount of creamy and sweet to balance the black, and so damn delicious. “Wow. How do you always know what I’ll like?”

Lucien only smiled like that pleased him, and sipped on his coffee. “Madagascar vanilla seemed like something my beautiful boy would want between his lips.”

My heart squeezed. Every time he said the words “beautiful boy,” it did that. He made me feel wanted, like I was really his.

“Thank you.” I reached for him across the table, and he wrapped his hand around mine.

We stayed like that for some time, drinking in silence and watching the boats begin to sail along the water. This moment was perfect.

But it couldn’t last forever, and the longer we sat there, the more my self-doubt started to creep in until I slowly drew my hand from his and wrapped it around the mug.

Maybe I was projecting. Maybe I was putting feelings on something that was as simple as sex. But every time Lucien smiled at me or did something like make me tea, my emotions got all kinds of tangled.

“Everything okay?” he said. Of course he’d noticed the shift in the air, the change in me. He noticed everything, which made it impossible to hide from him—not that I wanted to.

“Of course. I just…” I searched for the words to best explain my thoughts, but when nothing came, I just shrugged.

“Oh no, we’re way past that, mister.” Lucien put his mug on the table. “Talk to me. Something happened just now. Did I do something?—”

“No. God no,” I rushed out, shaking my head for emphasis. “I was just thinking about how perfect everything has been these past few days.”

Lucien’s brow furrowed. “And that made you pull away from me?”

There was no getting anything past him. He seemed to know me better than I knew myself.

“It wasn’t you I was— I wasn’t pulling away,” I corrected myself. “I was just trying to remind myself that this, us, might not be…”Forever.

I couldn’t actually bring myself to say the word out loud, so instead I let it drift off on the sea breeze, wondering if that was where our relationship was about to end up—lost in the Mediterranean Sea.

“This might not be what?”

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