Page 48 of The Forever Play

“Sorry. I was trying to be understanding. Dads are such an important part of a child’s life, and I don’t know what I would do without Jonathan. He’s my harbor, youknow? And I’m just sad for you that you don’t have that. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s…” I shake my head, flashing her an awkward smile before turning back to watch Zoey. My eyes are burning as she zips down that slide, and I force an enthusiastic celebration, rising from my seat and going over to play with her.

I don’t want to be rude, but I can’t sit there listening to stories about husbands and how great or terrible they are. I don’t want to be reminded of how important dads are in a child’s life.

Zoey has Russell and my father… and Russell’s father. She has plenty of men around her.

Just not the one you really, truly want her to have.

Shit. I didn’t even know I wanted it until I saw him again.

I’d convinced myself that he was a heartless, soulless, man-whore asshole.

But then he’d seen us, he’d sought us out, he’d played with Zoey in the sandpit and pushed her on the swing. He kept pursuing this thing.

He wants in.

But I’m so afraid to let him.

I fight tears for the rest of the playgroup. The moms are nice enough to “not notice,” and Zoey is having too much fun to be aware that Mommy’s having a bad day. So, I stay the entire time, even hugging Fiona before I leave. Michelle gives me another abashed smile as I walk out the door and force a little bounce in my step.

Zoey’s due for a nap in about an hour. I could just go right home, but I figure we’ve got enough time to head to the store. Zoey’s in high spirits after her fun playingsession. She ended up interacting with all the kids during the group activities. She loved the games and songs. I’m going to have to take her again… even though I don’t particularly want to go. The harborless freak that I am.

Oh stop, she wasn’t trying to be mean.

I struggle to counter my emotions with a little logic, but it’s not really working today. Stupid period.

Finding a parking space across the street, I lift Zoey out of the car and use the crosswalk. No more sneaky jaywalking when you’ve got a kid you have to set an example for. I bounce her on my hip, making her laugh all the way to the grocery store. It’s located between the Nolan U campus and Russell’s house, and it’s my go-to. I’m starting to memorize the aisles and know where things are. It definitely makes shopping quicker, which is always a good thing.

The bell above the door dings as we walk through, and I set Zoey on the floor. Grabbing a basket, I take her hand and remind her, “Stay close to Mommy, please.”

She doesn’t reply, and I squeeze her hand, glancing down at her. Looking up with an impish grin, she melts my heart, and we walk down the first aisle together, collecting the things I need before heading for the refrigerated section.

Zoey lets go of my hand, holding on to my leg as I try to find her favorite flavor of yogurt. There’s no point buying the stuff she doesn’t like. I’ll just end up throwing those pouches away.

“Blueberry,” I murmur. “Come on, where are you? Please have a couple. Even just one will do.” Reaching for the back, I move the pouches aside, quickly checking each of them until I come up empty-handed.

Dammit.

“Zoey, you’re going to have to have a different flavor this afternoon. Should we try banana?” I glance down for a response, and my heart goes cold. “Zoey?”

Shit. Where did she go?

Glancing around me, I berate myself for not noticing that she’d let go of my leg.

“Zoey!” I call, dashing down the closest aisle and looking around me. “Zoey, come on, baby. Now is not the time for hide-and-seek.”

I try to remind myself that she’s done this to me before.

She thought it was hilarious.

And thankfully, I heard her giggling and was able to find her quickly.

I pause, straining my ears to hear…

But nothing.

Nothing!

---