Page 47 of The Forever Play

Turning back to the other women, I try to hide howZoey’s independence is making me feel. I should be happy for her—being all brave and meeting new friends—but all I can feel is this overwhelming loss. Like if Zoey doesn’t need me, where the hell do I fit into the world?

I’ve never had to ask myself what I want to be, because the choice was taken away from me. And then I realized how much I love being a mother, and… now I have no one to make more babies with.

Russell would make babies with you.

Ew. I can’t even go there.

And I want to have babies with someone I love.

Zander whistles through my mind, my heart betraying me by pining for him just the way I used to. I try to harden myself against the fantasy of him slotting back into my life, like no shit has gone down. We could become a happy little family and?—

It’s not going to happen, so stop imagining it!

“And then Adam goes, ‘Well, how hard can it be?’” The woman across from me puts on a voice, and Michelle gasps.

“No. He did not.”

“He did! I’m telling you, I nearly kneed him right in the balls.”

“What does he think this is, the 1950s?”

“That’s what I said to him.” The woman flicks her hand in the air, then smirks. “And then I told him that if he didn’t think looking after twins all day was such a big deal, then he could do it. So, this week, I’m going away to my mom’s place, and he’s flying solo. I’m making him use three days of his vacation time. Suck it, Stewy!”

More gasps pop out around me and then a chorus of cheers.

I clap along, forcing a smile and checking on Zoey yet again. She’s now crawling through a tunnel that will take her to the steps… that lead to the big slide. Oh man, she’s going to love that. I have to make sure I watch her when she comes down.

Swiveling my body in preparation, I nearly miss the question being fired at me.

“What about you, Sienna? Are you married?”

“Uh… no.” I shake my head. “No husband problems.”

They laugh, but their faces are filled with sympathy.

I turn my back on them and watch Zoey zipping down the slide, loving the way she giggles.

“Good job, Zo!” I shout and hold my thumbs up.

“Fass, Mommy!”

“I know, you went so fast! That’s awesome.”

“Again, again!”

“Yeah, go again. I’ll watch you.”

She beams at me, and my heart floods with that familiar sense of love. She’s so freaking adorable.

“You’re doing so well.” Fiona gives my arm a soft squeeze. “I can’t imagine raising a child on my own.”

“Oh, I’m not completely alone. My parents have been hugely supportive, and I live with a friend now who helps me a lot.”

“Still not quite the same.” Michelle’s smile is sad. “I bet you really miss her father some days.”

My smile dies while Fiona softly reprimands her friend.

“Michelle. That’s not really our business.”

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