Page 88 of Reckless
“I’m not out to do anything,” I say defensively. “All I want is a unified Ilya. And I certainly had no intention of killing the king that day. He came at me, remember? As if he’d been waiting for the moment.” I look away, shaking my head.
“You still killed the king. You’re a criminal—”
My bitter laugh cuts him off. “And what does that make you? A saint?”
He stops abruptly, practically yanking me into him with the chain. “I’ve never claimed to be anything but a monster.” His hands are gripping my shoulders despite his voice being deceptively soft. “But I also had nointentionof killing your father that day. In fact, I had no intention of turning into the shell of a man I am today. But I did. And I pay for it every day.”
I blink at him, at our abrupt shift in conversation. “What do you mean, you had no intention of killing my father?”
“I had no intention of even becoming a murderer that day.” He pauses, letting go of my shoulders as though just realizing he was shaking them. “I didn’t know what my first mission would consist of. And I wasn’t going to go through with it once I found out.” He runs a hand through his messy hair. “He was sleeping, and I wasn’t going to do it. I was going to slip out of the door and deal with the consequences. But then he woke up. He looked me right in the eyes, and that’s when I was suddenly driving the sword through his chest.” A shake of his head. “He hadn’t even reached for a weapon. Hadn’t moved at all. And yet, I ran him through anyway. In my panicked state, I did exactly what the king hoped I would.” He’s silent for a long moment, swallowing his pride before adding, “I stumbled from the room and threw up before I even made it back to my horse. I didn’t want to do it, Gray. Iwasn’tgoing to do it.”
I take a step back, blinking back tears as I look anywhere but at him. “Not what you wanted to hear, was it?” he says roughly. “Makes it harder for you to hate me.”
I turn away slowly, resuming my slow steps down the street.
“Harder, maybe,” I say softly. “But not impossible.”
CHAPTER 34Kai
The edge of the city is eerily deserted.
With each step closer to the Sanctuary of Souls, the less people linger. It’s to be expected, considering the bandits that haunt this corner of the city. We pass the occasional skittish stranger, hurrying to find their way back onto a crowded street.
I glance sidelong at Paedyn. She’s been spinning that ring on her thumb for the past several hours while managing to look anywhere but my direction. I hate when it’s like this. When we don’t speak. When she acts like my prisoner.
“Your braid is falling out.”
It’s not, actually. But I’m pathetic and couldn’t think of a better way to break the silence. Talking about her hair is better than not talking at all. She grips the brim of the hat, looking around to find any wandering eyes. When she deems the coast clear, the hat slips from her head to let the braid tumble down her back.
“Hold this,” she orders, shoving the hat into my hands.
“There’s those lovely manners,” I murmur, watching as she struggleswith the knotted tie at the end of her braid. It’s unbearable to watch, really. “Just let me do it.”
“Absolutely not.” She laughs. “The last time you braided my hair, it was a mess, remember?”
“I was out of practice.”
Emotion flits across her face. “Well, I’m sure you’ve brushed up on your skills since then.”
I’m only confused for a moment before realization rams into me.
She thinks I’ve been with other women.
The thought almost makes me laugh, and yet, I play along.
“Does that bother you, Gray?”
She ducks into a dim side street, pulling me with her. “Are you going to fix this, or should I?”
She’s still attempting to unravel the braid when I lean against the wall. “That wasn’t an answer.”
“What do you want me to say?” she huffs, whipping the braid behind her. “That you braiding another woman’s hair bothers me? That’s pathetic, and I won’t say it.”
I sigh, stepping behind her to gather what is left of the braid into my hands. “Well, I haven’t.” I manage to untangle the strap and run my fingers through her hair.
“Haven’t what?” she asks stiffly.
“Haven’t braided any woman’s hair but yours,” I say softly. “Well, yours and Ava’s.”
