Page 130 of Reckless
“Is that what you want?” I ask, my voice low. “You want me to hate you?”
She swallows her answer, saying nothing.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me to hate you, Paedyn.”
Silence.
I stand to my feet, laughing bitterly. “Because I will. I will hate you if it means you spend the rest of your life thanking me for it.”
She stands slowly, avoiding both my gaze and the question she won’t answer.
I take a step toward her. “Five words. That is all I’m asking for. Five words for you to tell me how you feel.”
I watch her eyes trail their way to mine. Then I listen to the fivewords that fall from her lips. “Please just hate me.” A pause. “Asshole.”
Under different circumstances, I would have laughed. But instead, I breathe, “Why?”
She shuts her eyes. “Because it is easier that way. Easier to stay enemies than become anything more.”
I take a deep breath. “It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”
When she says nothing, I grab the bedroll and stuff it into her pack. A numb sort of mask slips over my features, keeping my face blank and voice even. “Fine. We should be on our way, then.”
She shakes her head, having found her voice. “Don’t do that to me. Don’t go hiding under one of your masks so you can pretend not to see this.”
I run my hands through disheveled hair, shaking my head. “You want me without a mask?”
Her voice is strained. “That is theonlyway I want you, Kai Azer.”
I take a step toward her, feeling stripped bare under the weight of her stare. It feels unnatural to let emotions paint my face, frustration crowd my features. But I let the mask shatter for her, leaving only the monster beneath it. “Fine. Here is me without a mask, Paedyn,” I say, breathing heavily. “I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t have a choice—”
“You always have a choice,” she says harshly.
“Not in the life I was born into. The missions I’m sent on.” I’m practically panting as the words tumble from my mouth. “You.”
She hesitates. “Me?”
“Yes, you. Something else I’ve always had a thing for.” I let out a bitter laugh. “I had no choice in the matter. Do you think I could have stopped it if I tried?”
She shakes her head at me. “Stop what?”
CHAPTER 46Paedyn
“Stop myself from falling in love with you!”
I choke on my next breath, air clogging in my throat.
His chest is rising and falling in time with my own. My heart sputters back to life, beating hard against my rib cage. I shake my head at him, taking a step back. “No. No, don’t say that. I asked you not to make this harder than it has to be.”
“And I told you that it already is,” he says, voice harsh. “Dammit, the minute you threw a dagger at my head, I knew I was done for. There was no longer a before you, only what I wantedwithyou.”
“And what could that possibly be?” I laugh bitterly. “I’m an Ordinary. You’re Elite—”
“Not out here I’m not.”
I stare at him, startled by words I never thought I’d hear fall from his lips.
“Out here I am Kai and nothing more.” His throat bobs. “Out here I am powerless. A monster without an ability to hide behind. An Enforcer free from his masks. A man shouting his love for a woman.”
