Page 122 of Reckless
My smile is sad. “I could say the same about you.”
When I take a seat in the rigid chair beside her, she reaches for my hand, grasping it far tighter than I figured she was able. “Just silly rumors, then, hmm?”
She smiles, and I smile back. “Yes, just rumors.”
Growing suddenly serious, she says softly, “I didn’t think you would come to see me.”
I press my lips together, nodding slightly. “If I’m being honest, I didn’t think I would either.”
“I can’t blame you.” Her smile is sad. “I never made much of an effort to have a relationship with you.” Tears well in her gray eyes. “And for that… I am sorry.”
I swallow, unsure what to say. Thankfully, she’s speaking again before I’m forced to come up with anything. “Plagues, you look so much like him.”
My eyes crash into hers. Reaching up a shaky hand, she brushes a strand of hair from my forehead. “You are exactly what he looked like when I fell in love with him.”
“Really?” I breathe, desperate to learn more of the man I idolized.
“Really.” She laughs, though it sounds pained. “You know, we didn’t like each other very much at the beginning. My father was a trusted adviser to the king, and when your mother passed giving birth to you, I was the easiest option for him. He wasn’t obligated to spendmonths courting me.” She nods, remembering it all with a slight smile. “I didn’t want to marry him. Truly. It was clear that all he wanted from me was another heir. But something began to blossom between us as time went on. Love. He was different with me. Kind and caring.” Her eyes slowly meet mine. “And now, here I am. Dying because I no longer know how to breathe without him.”
“I know the feeling.”
The words are out of my mouth before I can swallow them. “I know you do,” she whispers. “You loved him very much.”
My voice cracks. “I just want to make him proud.”
She squeezes my hand. “And you will, Kitt. You will rule this kingdom for him. He believed in you, and so do I.”
“Did he?” I whisper pathetically.
She stares at me for a long moment. “He left you letters.” My breath catches, and I hold it as she continues. “Just in case something… happened to him. They are meant to guide you, tell you exactly what he would have wanted for the kingdom. I haven’t read them, obviously, but you should. I believe they are in his bottom desk drawer. Well,yourbottom desk drawer.”
I had yet to open any of those compartments for the sake of my sanity. Because it hurt too much seeing a quill he held or a note he scribbled. But now…
“I’ll find them,” I breathe. “Thank you.”
She smiles. “Of course.”
I stand to leave. She coughs. I wince.
“Kitt?”
I turn back toward her frail form. “Yes?”
“Visit me again?” She swallows. “You look so much like him.”
My throat burns.
I nod.
CHAPTER 43Kai
Her legs are tangled in mine, her head pressed against my beating heart.
I’ve lost track of the time, content to hold her until my entire body goes numb. We’ve fallen into a silence that sounds like contentment, peace of mind.
I don’t dare move, too afraid to ruin the moment when she’s likely frightened of having it. It’s clear that she doesn’t know what to do with me. Doesn’t know what to do with me because of what I’m doing to her.
We are a day away from Ilya now. A day away from handing her over to Kitt—the king—to do with her what he will. And I don’t exactly know what Kitt is capable of anymore. I don’t even know how he will react when I show him the journal, the documentation from a Healer the king couldn’t buy.
