Page 102 of Books and Hookups

I let her tug me through the door into the bar. “Danny!” She waved the arm that wasn’t clutching me. “It’s time.”

My gaze went straight to where he stood behind the bar. He had on a black T-shirt that revealed his muscular arms as he poured a beer. His loose hair flopped over his face, but when he lifted his head, our eyes met. His widened. “Time?”

“If…if you want to go with me. With us,” I said.

There was a crash and a splatter. “Shit!” He looked down.

“I’ve got it.” Leo bounded up to him. “Go.”

Danny looked up again, his face pale. Was that terror? Irritation? Shock?

Another contraction hit, and this time, I felt a gush of wetness down my leg. “What the fuck?” I mumbled. When I lifted my boot, the shaft was wet.

“Looks like your water broke,” my mother said. “Good thing I thought to pack a towel.”

“I’ve got that, too, Luce!” Leo said, louder than he needed to. “Better head out.”

Great. I’d lost my fucking amniotic fluid in my favorite bar.

I was never coming back here.

36

The Bravest Thing

Emergency Cocktail

Go to the hospital vending machine. Pay $8 for two Cokes. Each take a chug off the top, then pour in Jack Daniels from Marvin’s flask. Good luck getting your hands to stop shaking.

DANNY

Iremembered three things from that night:

Terror that made my heart beat so fast spots flashed across my vision.

Lucie’s glowing face as she did the bravest thing I’d ever seen anyone do.

Our tiny daughter’s fierce squall when the nurse set her on Lucie’s chest.

Everything else was a blur of people in scrubs, machines beeping, and antiseptic smells. I ignored my buzzing phone and focused on Lucie, holding her hand, praising her, and encouraging her—not that she needed it. I’d never remember what I said, but some of it made her snarl at me, and some of it made her smile between contractions. But mostly, she focused on what she was doing like the star she was, and at 4:18 a.m., she gave birth to our healthy baby girl.

After they fixed her up and made her comfortable, after Lucie cuddled our daughter for an hour or so, gazing at her with wonder, I got to hold her at last.

She was the most beautiful human I’d ever seen, even with her red skin and her dark hair sticking up from her scalp.

I handed her off to Marvin and Ellen for a while. After the nurse came to check on Lucie, both Lucie and the baby passed out. Lucie’s parents tiptoed out, promising to come back after a few hours of sleep.

But I was too wired to sleep.

I wheeled the sleeping baby to the nursery in her bassinet to let Lucie rest, knowing it might be her last chance for a while. I walked the hall, then I stared through the glass at the handful of newborns in their plastic bassinets. They were all so little, so helpless. But with love and care, they’d grow up. They’d ride bikes and take spelling tests and make fools of themselves on social media. They’d get minimum-wage jobs and go to prom and fall in love. They might go to college. They’d start careers and bring home paychecks. And someday, one of them might stand at a window like this, looking at their own infant.

I hoped for all of these things for them, especially the one in the pink cap withBaby Girl Knoxscrawled on the label at the foot of her bassinet. Lucie had promised I’d be a part of our daughter’s life. But that wasn’t everything I wanted. I wanted to be beside Lucie for all of it, just like I had been tonight. I wanted to be part of her life, not only our daughter’s.

I’d been overjoyed—and shocked—when she and her mom had grabbed me on the way to the hospital. I’d been afraid that her weeks of silence meant she’d take back her offer of letting me participate in the birth. But she hadn’t taken it back. Instead, she’d used my hand as a stress ball and let me ramble at her.

Her body had been pumped full of hormones and painkillers. I shouldn’t read anything into it.

I eyed the hard vinyl couch in the waiting room. I could stretch out for a few hours. But then I wouldn’t be there if Lucie needed something. So, quietly, I let myself back into her room.

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