Page 101 of Books and Hookups

She picked up my hand, and I squeezed back, closing my eyes. When I thought the pain would go on forever, it eased.

“Still four minutes,” she said. “We should go soon. But I want to tell you something first.”

“The secret to motherhood?” My fingers itched for my notebook.

“I wish I knew it. Maybe then, I wouldn’t have been too scared to continue my career and be a wife and mother at the same time. I admire you so much.” Her voice cracked, but she cleared it. “You’re so strong, and you’re going to be a fantastic mother.”

My heart gave a hopeful skip. “You think so?”

“I know so. You’re confident, fearless, smart. You know what you want.”

But did I? I wanted to do what was right for the baby, myself, and Danny. And that was to handle all this motherhood stuff and let Danny live his life. But every time I thought about him, my heart ached. I missed him. But missing him had no place in my plan to do right by him.

“Maybe,” I said.

“Definitely.” She nodded. “I’m going to grab your toiletries from the bathroom. Call Danny. Remember, he’s part of this too. You can rely on him and share the burden.”

I snorted. “Like you did with Dad?”

“No,” she said. “That was another of my failings. After I gave up on my career, I poured one hundred percent of myself into being the best wife and mother I could be. If I’d let your father share some of the work, maybe you’d have a better relationship with him. And with me.”

“I’m sorry.” Why was this the first time we’d talked about this? I’d been so focused on judging her, never asking her how she really felt.

“We’ll work on it. We’ve got time.” She stood. “Now, call Danny.”

But I wasn’t ready for him to hear my panicked voice. Instead, I texted him,In labor. Heading to the hospital. Want to come with?

I stared at my phone for a minute, but there was no response. It was Monday night, so he was working. He might not have even felt the buzz in his pocket. Or he had, and he was so angry with me that he didn’t want to come to the hospital anymore.

Fair.

The next contraction was miserable enough to make me groan. But when it ended, my mother stood in front of me with my suitcase. “If there’s anything I’ve forgotten, I’ll come back for it. You’ve got your phone? I’ll grab your keys. Let’s go.” She held out her hand.

“I’ll need this.” I handed her my laptop. “And this.” I handed her The Book.

“Book, yes,” she said. “Laptop, no. You won’t have the energy to write. And what if something happens to it? You could lose your work.”

“Goddammit, you’re right again.” My eyes prickled as she set the laptop on the coffee table.

“How about we take your notebook? If you’re inspired, you can write in that,” she said.

I handed it to her, then took her hand to heave myself from the couch.

We made it to the top of the stairs before another contraction gripped me. I leaned against the wall and squeezed my mother’s hand so tightly I heard her knuckles crack. “Sorry,” I muttered.

“It’s fine,” she said. “Ready?”

“Yeah.”

The next contraction hit almost at the bottom of the stairwell. “This sucks,” I grunted.

“They can give you something to ease the pain at the hospital,” she said.

“Thank god.”

I started toward the exit door, but Mom held me back. “Don’t forget Danny.”

“He…fine.” He might not have seen the text. And even if he had and had chosen to ignore it, I deserved whatever humiliation I was in for. It might not even be the worst embarrassment I’d experience through this childbirth.

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