Page 35 of The Sins of Silas

Merrick and Elowen had vastly different features. His skin was fair, hers dark, and his hair was white, hers pink. I could see similarities in their faces. Though, to someone with no knowledge of their relationship, it was understandable not to put two and two together.

Elowen giggled. “You are so cute,” she whispered to him and kissed his cheek. “Merrick is overprotective, not for that reason, though.” She shivered in repugnance at the thought. “We only share the same father, which is why we don’t look entirely alike.”

“Well, a brother is a good person to have your back, I suppose,” he mumbled, then gave Merrick an embarrassed grin. “Sorry, man.”

“I could puke,” Merrick muttered, and Edmund chuckled.

“So,” Elowen continued, “we all have been traveling for how long now, but we don’t really know much about one another.” Her eyes went to Silas and Erabella. “How did the two of you meet?”

My smile quickly faded. That was thelastthing I wanted to hear about. Silas shifted in his seat and quickly glanced away from me.

“Well,” Era answered. “We met at Silas’s betrothal ball. In fact, I met him in a hallway I wasn’t supposed to be in.” She laughed softly. “He decided to marry me before even attending the ball, and when we entered together, he introduced me as his fiancée.”

“Just like that? You don’t get to know each other beforehand?” Viola asked, sipping on the mead.

“That’s not how betrothal balls work,” Silas replied. “Typically, you meet the proposed woman and her father and see what the joining of their family has to offer the kingdom.” He took a sip ofhis drink. “It is more for politics than anything. So, meeting Era by herself felt more…genuine.”

When Era smiled, eyes dropping to the fire, Silas wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into him, kissing the top of her head.

Yep, that hurts.

I took a large gulp of my drink, wishing it would knock me the fuck out.

“What about you guys? Merrick?” Era gave him a smirk. “Since you’re not into your sister.”

His eyes darkened at her, and he chuckled at her joke. I watched his eyes flick to Viola, then back to the Otacian Princess. “Nothing serious for me just yet, though I did have a crush on Lena when she first came to Ames.”

I glanced at him and smiled at the memory.

“You didn’t like him back, Lena?”

I tensed, then glimpsed back at her. “I…I just wasn’t in a place where I was interested in a relationship.”

“How come?”

“Era…” Elowen warned.

She shifted her attention to Elowen, her brows crinkling.

“It’s okay.” I sighed. My eyes flicked up to Silas, who shared his wife’s perplexed expression. I drifted my stare back to Era.

I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.

“I lived in Otacia for almost six years. It’s the only place other than Ames that felt like home.” I inhaled, feeling nervous to continue.

Was it stupid to say I was in love? Was I too young at the time to know what that was?

I continued anyway. “I was in love with a boy I met when I was sixteen. When the King put a kill order out for Mages, my mother and I had to leave, and because I couldn't tell him about what I was…I just left. Leaving him to believe I was dead.” I couldn’t meet Silas’s eyes. “I just…I hadn’t been able to move on. Not that soon.”

“Well…what about later on? Unless Merrick wasn’t interested…”

Elowen sucked in a sharp breath, Merrick shaking his head.

“It’s okay, really,” I told them, then turned toward Era. “When I left for Ames, I grew sick during my travel. Vomiting, fatigue, I thought I had caught a stomach bug or something.” My hands began to shake, and I quickly clasped them together. “It…It wasn’t until a few weeks into our journey I realized I had fallen pregnant.”

It grew quiet, everyone’s eyes widening, and I laughed humorlessly to myself. “My mother left my father with no explanation when she fell pregnant with me. She couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth about who she was. It felt as though history in some way was repeating itself.” I smiled sadly to myself, my eyes scanning the ground. “It was a small piece of hope that I had, a small piece of happiness that I couldn't be with the one I loved, but I had a part of him. It wasn’t until…” I took in a shaky inhale. “It wasn’t until nearly two months after we reached Ames—I was a few months along then—that I…I lost the baby.” Tears fell down my face, and I quickly wiped them away with the backs of my hands.

Merrick gently placed a hand on my back, dragging his thumb along my spine. “I couldn't look,” I choked. “I didn’t even know if they were a boy or girl at the time. But Merrick and Elowen were there to take care of me and helped me bury them.”

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