Page 36 of The Sins of Silas

I didn’t mention that Torrin was there. How much he was there for me, too. How much he helped.

Torrin always helped.

I lifted my gaze back up to her, and my eyes finally shifted to Silas. His face was void of all emotion, but his eyes—those golden eyes, gave everything away. There were no tears, but they were devastated all the same.

"Elowen told me months later,” I continued quietly. “The baby was a boy."

Silas's lips parted, his shoulders drooping, and I turned my attention back to Erabella as my tears spilled down my face.

“I know that it’s silly…after so much time. I have struggled with the idea of moving on. I have tried…”

I shook my head, wiping my tears, feeling utterly stupid even speaking about this.

Era studied me sympathetically. “It’s not,” she replied softly. “Perhaps he is still in Otacia…what is his name?”

My eyes slowly met Silas's, whose gaze fell to his lap.

“Quill. His name was Quill.” My eyes then met Roland’s, who, for the first time since knowing him, regarded me with pity.

I fucking hated it.

“It doesn’t matter though. There is plenty more I have to worry about right now than a man who has surely moved on from me.” I stood up, needing to get the hell out of here. “Excuse me.”

I sat by a nearby river, making sure to hold my hands in fists to avoid accidentally freezing the whole damn thing.

Part of me felt embarrassed sharing such a personal story. I wondered if they felt it was foolish that I hadn't been able to move on.

I heard footsteps behind me, twigs and leaves crunching under someone's feet. Part of me hoped it was Silas, but who sat down next to me was Merrick.

I peeked over at him as he rested his elbows on his knees. His eyes were laced with worry as he carefully studied me.

“You alright?” he asked gently.

I sucked in my bottom lip and gazed off into the river. “I will be,” I said after a few moments.

We both stared off, the sounds of the running water and crickets filling the air.

Merrick slowly shook his head. “I can’t believe it took me so long to figure it out,” he whispered.

My head spun to him. “What?”

He met my eyes. “Silas…Silas is Quill, isn’t he?”

My eyes widened, and my lips parted briefly before I closed my mouth. Then opened it. Then closed it again.

“Don’t bother lying, Lena. I can tell if you lie.”

Damn Empath.

I dropped my shoulders in defeat. “I’m sorry I lied,” I whispered, my lip beginning to tremble. “Or rather, omitted the truth. Please, Merrick, you can’t tell anyone…if they kn—”

“Gods, Lena.” He shook his head and then cupped my cheek. “I’m not going to tell. I just can’t believe you felt like you couldn’t tell me.”

I took in a shaky breath. “I didn’t want you to think I was making a decision simply based on the fact that I loved him before…”

He frowned, his hand falling back to his lap. “But didn’t you? You saved him from Viola. She would have made the kill shot had you not intervened,” he reminded me.

I sighed and closed my eyes to prevent tears from falling. “It wasn’t just because I loved him. It was because…I knew him better than anyone.” My eyes opened. “Quill—Silas was the most loving person you could imagine. He was brave and smart and…I would have never let him die. Never.”

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