Page 36 of Beautiful Scar

There’s a bar cart to my left. My hands are shaking so much I spill a little wine on the floor and curse as I stoop to clean it. When I stand, he’s there, and his calm hands steady my own.

“Let me,” he says, moving me toward the couch.

I curl up at the far end, hugging myself and looking around the room. I didn’t expect this much personality. Tigran doesn’t seem like the kind of guy interested in decorating his personal space, but I notice strange splashes of idiosyncratic taste: asigned soccer ball in a case, vinyl records, and big wood-paneled speakers.

Everything’s deeply masculine but beautiful in a way.

He gives me wine and sits at the other end of the couch. Neither of us says anything. I take a long drink and stare at my hands, my heart hammering in my chest. I don’t even know why I’m so scared right now. Because I’m alone with a strange man for the first time?

Or because someone tried to kill me?

“Thanks for what you did earlier,” I say very quietly.

“You don’t need to thank me for that.” He’s studying me as he swirls a glass of something brown.

“I feel like I do, though. You saved my life.”

“I made sure you didn’t get sliced up like I did. But I think your reclusive nature saved you.”

I smile a little. “I always knew it’s safer to stay inside.”

He doesn’t return the smile. His face remains hard and concerned, his square jaw working. “I don’t know how that happened. My cars are swept for explosives constantly. Damian’s normally careful, and there’s no way the McGraths should’ve known my movements, much less been able to get close to my personal vehicle.”

This feels way beyond me. I only have a dim idea of who the McGraths are, much less a normal protocol for a mobster taking a car ride across town. “It isn’t your fault.”

“Actually, it’s entirely my fault,” he says, sounding hollow. “I wasn’t vigilant enough. My enemies got close to my wife.”His eyes lock on mine. They strangely bristle with repressed emotion. “That will never happen again. I promise you.”

I finish my wine, a shiver running down my spine. “Thanks for this.” I put the glass down on the coffee table. “That’s all I wanted to say. And also, I’m sorry about Damian.”

“He was a good man.” Tigran glances away. “I’m going to kill the men responsible.”

“Don’t get yourself hurt.” I’m not sure why I said that. Maybe some misplaced sense of connection? But I can’t forget that we’re just a business arrangement. I’m a uterus with legs to him. A pair of tits, a few fertile eggs, not much more. Just a Russian girl.

“You care about your husband now?” He almost smiles. It’s there, that teasing grin, just lurking under the surface.

“I wouldn’t go that far.” I should get up and leave, but I don’t. I feel strangely comfortable right now. Like I’m safe.

Even though being with Tigran is the most dangerous thing I’ve ever done.

“I’ve been lucky for a while now,” he says, that hint of a smile disappearing. “I have a lot of enemies in this city, but I’ve managed to stay ahead of them for a while. Now they’ve caught up, and there’s going to be a reckoning.”

“The McGraths are an Irish family, right?”

“Small arms, mostly. They buy and sell illegal guns with some drugs on the side. We’ve been in competition for years, and they’re not happy that our families are making an alliance.”

“So they tried to kill us.”

“It looks that way from what I can piece together.”

“Will it be bad? The fighting?”

“It’s never good. Killing is necessary. Violence keeps my family safe from their enemies. But it’s never good.”

“That’s a rough way of looking at the world.”

“The world’s got no way at all. There’s no meaning to any of this. We’re born, we bleed, we suffer, and then it’s back to the dirt. Some of us get more time than others.” He glances away again. Thinking about Damian? “In the end, it’s all ash and blood.” He takes a long drink from his whiskey, the ice clattering against the glass.

“I don’t believe that,” I say softly, pulling into myself. I hug my knees to my chest and avoid his eyes. What a grim, sad worldview. I can’t imagine waking up every day and seeing nothing but suffering and pain ahead of me.

---