Page 109 of Hot Shot

“But . . . ?” Apprehension shadows his eyes.

I smile. “But I don’thaveto wait for you. Because last night . . . I changed my mind about going to Spain.”

He draws back and stares at me searchingly. “What? What the fuck? But you’re on this plane.”

“Yeah. I had the ticket. I figured I might as well go and have a vacation. I’ve never been to Spain and I’ve been practicing my Spanish.” I smile. “But I’m only staying a few weeks. And then I’m going to come back and figure out what I want to do with my life . . . in San Diego.”

“Seriously?”

I nod, holding his gaze. “I made a mistake. I applied for that scholarship on a whim. I’ve been known to be a bit impulsive.”

“No, really?”

I smile. “I was feeling . . . I don’t know, not left out exactly. But Hayden was in love and my modeling career was coming to an end, and I felt like I needed to do something. I saw the ad online and I went for it. It sounded fun and exciting. I never thought I’d be accepted, and then when I was, everybody was so impressed. How could I not do it?”

He makes a rough noise in his throat and reaches to pull me against him. The seatbelts are in the way and it’s awkward, but I nestle into him, one arm going around his neck in a tight squeeze. We sit like that for long moments, oblivious to the activity in the plane around us.

“Carrie. Damn. I love you.”

I huff out a laugh with a little shake of my head. “Because I screwed up?”

“Well . . . yeah. I love everything about you. Even your screwups.”

Now I sniff as more tears well up. “I love you too, Marco.”

He finds my mouth with his in a slow, tender kiss. My eyes flutter shut and I pour my feelings into that kiss, all the longing and sadness and love I’ve been feeling and hiding.

“Christ,” he mutters, leaning his forehead against mine. “This is going to be a long fucking flight.”

I smile. “Oh yeah.”

“I can’t believe this. I booked this flight and snuck on the plane and here you’re not really leaving after all.”

“Well, I am. For a few weeks.” I smooth my hand over his shoulder. “I wasn’t sure what would happen when I got back. It seemed like you were okay that things were done between us, and I knew it would be awkward, but I figured I could just avoid going to Conquistadors as much as possible and not hang out with you guys.”

“You were going to come back and not talk to me?”

“I thought we were done. I thought that’s what you wanted.”

He nods, his mouth a grim line. “I didn’t want that. I’m sorry, Carrie. I should have told you how I felt before you left. I was so goddamn afraid.” He grimaces. “You know what happened with Liz. We were engaged. She couldn’t wait long enough for me to come home, and when I got back she was married to someone else. Everyone I’ve ever loved has left or been taken away from me—my parents, my sister, all the foster parents I wanted so much to love me.”

“I know,” I whisper, my chest feeling like metal bands are squeezing it. I clasp his arm.

“I screwed up by not telling you how I really felt. I should have been brave enough. And then I realized I’d lost you because of it, and I’d never get the things I really want—”

His voice has gone so low I can barely hear it. I lean in closer, knowing how difficult this is for him.

“I’d never get the things I really want unless I was man enough to be honest.”

“What are the things you really want?”

“You.”

My heart jolts.

“Home. Family. Love. Somewhere I belong.”

“I want all that too.”

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