Page 108 of Hot Shot

His head snaps up. “You do . . . what?”

“Feel the same.”

He closes his eyes, his beautiful mouth going soft. “Thank Christ.” Then his eyes pop open. “Really?”

“Really.” My mouth trembles as I smile. “I thought you only wanted to have a little fun. I thought you were okay with me leaving.”

“Fuck no. I fucking hated it.” His grip on my fingers becomes painful, but he quickly realizes and relaxes it. “But you kept saying you had to go. And I didn’t want to try to take this away from you. I know it’s important to you, even though I don’t think . . . Well, that’s the other thing I should have said to you.”

“What?” I stare into his eyes.

“I know you think you have to prove yourself to your family. But you really don’t.”

I blink.

“You don’t know how they see you. And maybetheydon’t even know how they see you. You’re their glue. Theyneedyou. Maybe I can see it more clearly because I’m an outsider, but you’re the one who brings them all together. You’re the light. You’re the fun-loving, genuine, charming one everybody loves. They need you, Carrie. They admire you, even if you don’t feel that.”

My bottom lip quivered. “I think . . .” My throat tightens. “I don’t know if theyneedme.”

“They do. What the hell would Julia do without you?”

“Okay, well, Julia maybe needs me. A little.”

“What about your grandma?” he demands. “Who would make sure she gets to dance?”

Tears sting my eyes.

“And your mom . . . who else even realized she was unhappy? Who else would try to make things better for her?”

A tear escapes and slides down my cheek. I brush it away.

“I bet there are more things you’ve done for all of them I don’t even know about,” he continues. “They do need you, Carrie. And you know how upset your mom and dad were that you’re leaving. They’re going to miss you like fuck.”

I almost laugh at his crudeness, but more tears threaten. “Okay, okay. You know what? I kind of figured that out last night.”

“What?” It’s his turn to gape.

I try a smile. “I went to say goodbye to Grandma last night and she said some things that made me think. She really gets me.”

Marco’s lips curve. “Yeah.”

“She went through the same kind of feelings of not being valued when she chose to work as a burlesque dancer. She almost quit. But she found a man who loved her, who saw who she really was beneath glitter and ruffles and pasties, and he gave her the confidence to keep going. And I realized . . . you’re like that too. You see what’s inside me, not just the exterior. You encourage me and support me.” I pause. “Grandma asked what I really wanted to achieve by going to Spain, and I told her I want to accomplish something that will make my family take me seriously and be proud of me. She told me the only person I really need to prove things to is . . . me.” I sigh. “I think I’m the only one who’s been doubting myself.”

He tips his head. “Yeah. I’d agree with that. I don’t totally get it, but then I again, I think I do. I just think you need to realize what an amazing woman you are. How talented you are. How smart. How caring.” He pauses. “How loved.”

Blinking rapidly, I touch my fingertips to my trembling lips. “Oh, Marco. You helped me realize that too.”

“If you need to prove to yourself that you can do this, then you totally should. It’s gonna be hard. But that’s the other thing I wanted to tell you. I’ll wait for you.” His jaw tenses “Nine months is a long time.” He appears to grind his teeth and my heart clutches. “It’s a long time to be apart and . . . and things can change. Feelings can change.” His hand tightens on mine again and I feel the slight trembling in his.

I turn my head slowly from side to side, knowing what he’s thinking about. Liz.

“But I’ll wait for you to come back,” he continues, voice gruff. “Maybe I can even come visit you in Spain again. We can Skype. I’ll email you every goddamn day.”

“Oh God.” I pull in a long breath and slowly let it out. “Marco. I love you so much. That means so much to me. And I want you to know, I’d wait for you too. I totally would. I’m not Liz.”

His eyes narrow and his forehead furrows at my words. I realize how they sounded . . . like I’m about to reject him.

I shake my head. “I don’t know her and I don’t know what the hell is wrong with her, but she didn’t— She couldn’t have loved you the way I do. Because I’d wait for you . . . forever”

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