Page 11 of Memories with Fire

Until last week, anyway.

Of all the places Luke could have ended up, I don’t understand how he ended up in my firehouse. Or why he became a firefighter. And he wasn’t about to give me any answers, either.

Anger doesn’t begin to describe how I felt. He was pushing my buttons on purpose; it always gave him a thrill to see me worked up, and I guess some things don’t change. Something I’d be wise to curb, however, is the way I react to him. I know I was giving him exactly what he wanted, which pissed me off even more.

I couldn’t help it. Seeing him was a shock straight to my core and my world hasn’t been right since. That first day I was a head case on every single call. Quinn had to take over putting an IV in, I got caught up in the nasal cannula for a patient, and I forgot how to talk over the radio to the hospital. Those were just a couple of my fabulous moments.

My days off didn’t get much better. After spotting someone who looked like Luke at the store in Bear Creek, I ran into a display of crackers, knocking them all over. The next day, I almost ran a woman over when I thought I saw Luke walk into the pizza place on main street. And then, when I met with my mom for lunch, a Jeep that looked like his pulled out of the parking lot as I was turning in. That one had me so discombobulated that as the hostess was taking us to our table, I ran into a waiter who had just finished clearing a table, causing him to lose every single dish in his arms.

It’s been a disaster. I’ve been a disaster.

“Yeah,” Nate says, his head popping up from his work. He nods in my direction. “Close the door. Have a seat.”

For a long moment I just stand there, blinking slowly. This must be a dream. I wasn’t one to get into trouble growing up, or when I got older, and definitely not as an adult. The most trouble I got into was that summer with?—

No. I’m not going to think his name again.

The point is, I don’t get into trouble, so I don’t know how these things go, but I’m pretty sure they generally start with “close the door.” A wave of adrenaline sweeps through me, causing my stomach to lodge in my throat, and my heart to beat ferociously. It’s a feeling I’m used to, but usually it entails a crazy scene where we’re working against the clock to save someone. Or when there’s sudden danger because a patient reacts poorly, or a family member shows up. Hell, I’ve even felt it when we show up for a six year old’s scraped knee. Things with kids just hit different.

“Am I in trouble?” I ask with trepidation, swinging the door shut.

His piercing blue eyes are scrutinizing me with such intensity that I nearly squirm as I sit down opposite him. If this is what it feels like to be in hot water, I know why I didn’t do it growing up. I’m not sure how anyone does.

“Why don’t you tell me?” he responds after what feels like an eternity.

My eyebrows shoot up. Confusion settles in and I shake my head unintelligently. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

The air about Nate is nonchalant when he asks, “What’s going on between you and Luke?”

“Nothing!” I snap quickly. Probably too quickly for Nate’s keen observation, but I can’t help my reaction. Hastily I add, “Did he say otherwise?”

He sits back in his chair and expels a breath. I’ve known Nate for years and he’s clearly frustrated, but if he thinks I’m going to tell him anything, he’s sorely mistaken. There’s nothing to tell. There’s nothing going on between Luke and me. There never will be.

“He hasn’t said anything, but your reaction tells me all I need to know, Hailey,” he says, his tone softening. Picking up a pen from his desk, he twirls it in his fingers, looking cool and casual, but I can tell by the way he watches me that his gears are spinning, trying to figure out the right way to broach this.

“There is nothing between Luke and me,” I reiterate through gritted teeth.

Silence fills the space between us. It might be the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been, something I’m sure Nate is acutely aware of. It’s like he’s waiting me out to see if I’ll crack under the pressure of his watchful gaze, but I refuse.

Growing up, authority never scared me because I never did anything wrong. If someone in a position of power requested something of me, or asked a question, I was an open book. In this moment, however, I’m getting a firsthand glimpse of how it would have felt to be defiant.

I am not talking about this with him. I’m not talking about this with anyone. Not even Cindi, my best friend at the time I knew Luke. The only one who might understand what his being back means for me. Even though she was across the country for school by the time my heart was broken, she was the one there that whole summer, to witness me falling in love with the boy from Texas who got me to do things that scared the hell out of me.

The Double Drop at the Boardwalk, where we spent so many days and nights. Jumping off cliffs into the river below while I screamed at the top of my lungs. Riding on the handlebars of his bike through town, laughing the whole way.

My heart aches in my chest at the memories that bubble up, and I push them away, determined not to let them interfere with the conversation at hand.

I give a silent cheer of victory when Nate is the first to crack. He sits up in his chair and then leans forward on his desk, his forearms coming to rest there while he interlocks his fingers in front of him. The stern look on his face squashes my triumph.

“Maybe not now, but it’s clear the two of you know each other. I’ve never seen you act like this, Hailey. It’s a tad concerning,” he says with a tone that matches his look. “Frankly, it’s affecting the firehouse, and because of that I need to step in. I’ve allowed this to go on for a few shifts now, hoping you would resolve it, but you haven’t, and I can’t keep letting everyone freeze Luke out.”

“I never asked them to do anything!” I defend myself vehemently.

Nate holds up a hand to stop me. “I never said you did. But each and every one of them has been picking up on your cues. They can tell you don’t like Luke, and they’re your family. They’re going to stand by your side even if they don’t understand why. They’re going to do everything in their power to protect you.”

He pauses for a second, letting this all sink in for me before he adds the kicker, his voice softening marginally, “Whether you like it or not, Hailey, Luke is family now, too.”

I swallow the rising lump in my throat that threatens to conjure tears. I will not cry over this, even if it’s in pure frustration. Nate hasn’t been mean or unkind since I closed the door, but I feel battered and guilt ridden by this conversation, nonetheless.

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