Page 7 of Broken Chorus

“Are you forgetting I was listening in on the audition tapes too?” Hawk interrupted. “There’s no fuckin’ comparison. Hands down, Micah and Declan outplayed everyone, especially Kazzy. So if you’re on a Kazzy kick ‘cause he’s somehow talked you back into his bed again, then you can forget what we talked about the other night. It won’t be happening! Not when you come visit this weekend or ever again.”

“Jesus, fuck, where did that come from!”

“Hearing that you seriously want to have Kazzy Malone of all people, out on the road with you! It’s hard enough for you to keep your shit together as it is, having him around on the daily will be like tossing a hand grenade in a firework factory.”

“I wasn’t thinking about fucking Kazzy when I said we should have him play.”

“Then what were you thinking about?”

“That he knows us, man, and we’re already chill with one another. Hell, he’s filled in for us when we needed a temporary drummer and it went fine. It wouldn’t be an issue getting used to having him around ‘cause he’s around anyway, whenever I pop down to Shenanigans.

“Which should be as infrequently as possible considering you’re supposed to be staying sober, not storming through a place where it’s as easy for you to get shitfaced as it is to breathe!”

“If Ray told you….”

“All Ray said was that you’d been in there several times a week shooting pool and hitting the stage with Kazzy and his cover band, which he appreciates, ‘cause people show up hoping to see you. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t notice you eyeing those bottles like a starving man, even if all you’ve asked for was root beer.”

“And let me guess, even if I asked for something harder, he wouldn’t give it to me.” Aaron spat.

“No, he’d give you whatever you wanted, but I can guarantee he’d tell me about it too, which, like the Kazzy thing, would also be a dealbreaker.”

“You keep talking like we’ve worked out something in the first place. All you’ve given me is a whole lot of maybes and we’ll sees. When are you gonna give me a straight fuckin’ answer! Will you give us another shot or not, or is that why you want me to head up on Friday, so you can cut my heart out in person?”

“I’ve given you the only answer I can right now! What you do with it is on you. I didn’t call you to talk about us. I called to talk about the band and you giving up before you even got started.”

“There is no band! Our band is gone. Dead. Buried. The earth has been salted, there is no room for resurrection, you know this. What Kelly’s wanting to do, that has nothing to do with what wecreated. I don’t see how he expects to play any of the old songs without you. No one can sing them like you do.”

“Bullshit. You can, so stop lying to yourself, me and Kelly! I’ve fucking heard you. I know what your voice sounds like when you’re not trying to stifle it, so cut the shit and tell me what the real issue is here so we can solve it and get on with the business of making music like we’ve always done.”

“Only it won’t be like we’ve always done, ‘cause you’re gone, Ethan’s gone, and Jason fucked right the hell off and told us all to go screw ourselves, remember?”

“How could I forget,” Hawk grumbled, the harshness in his tone bleeding to something melancholy and lost.

“Look, that was on him, not you. You’re doing the right thing.”

“Then how come I feel like I’ve ruined my best friend’s lives in the process?”

“Because Jason was a dick and said that shit to you.”

“Can you honestly tell me you haven’t been thinking it too?”

Sighing, Aaron wished he could reach through the phone and hug him, ‘cause it sure as hell sounded like Hawk needed one right now. “Not once, okay. Not one single time. I support you completely. The kids need you way more than we do. Your brother entrusted them to you for a reason. He knew you’d do right by them and give them all the joy and love they deserved, so quit thinking we’ve all turned against you, especially me. I wouldn’t have offered to help you with them if I was against you doing it.”

“Both of us didn’t need to quit making music. They’re my family. My responsibility.”

“Funny, I thoughtIwas your family too, only the first time something came along to truly test that, you threw up a wall and cut me loose. Thanks for that, by the way, it feels fuckin’ shitty.”

“Tell methatisn’t what’s going on out there!” Hawk growled, the weariness giving way to pissed off again.

“You’ll have to be more specific, since there are a lot of things going on out here, most of all me missing the hell out of you! So which one are you referring to?”

“You did not fuck things up with the new band hoping that would miraculously change things between us?”

“Told you once already, I didn’tdoanything. Kelly was the one who told me to leave, which in hindsight, was the best thing he could have done since I never should have been involved in the project in the first place,” Aaron said. “If all you called to do was threaten to hold our nonexistent relationship over my head, then fuck you. I don’t need it, and I don’t need you!”

He was about to hit the red phone icon to end the call, when he heard Hawk saywaitin that whiplike tone of his that raised the hairs on the back of Aaron’s neck. Like anytime he heard that tone from Hawk, he froze and waited to hear what Hawk would say next.

“I’m not okay with this,” Hawk admitted, his voice having grown low and melancholy again. “It sucks, more than I can find the words to explain right now. If I’m pushing you away and being a dick, it’s because I don’t want you to go through the same things I’m going through. You know how I said I was gonna put in a music room?”

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