Page 8 of Broken Chorus

“Yeah.”

“Well, it’s here, with all my gear, and it’s gathering dust ‘cause I’m too tired at the end of the day to step foot in there, let alone think about playing anything. There are moments, when Dani and Liem are napping and Ella is in school, when it’s quiet and I hear the rumblings of lyrics floating around in my head. Then I’ll notice the mound of dishes in the sink, or the laundry I keep meaning to fold and it all goes away. I can’t do the thing I love the most in the world and it rips my fuckin’ heart out to see you still able to do it and yet trying to throw it away.”

“I haven’t written anything either,” Aaron admitted. “Not since that last night in our hotel room, when we lay awake until after dawn working out the refrain to Shattered Beasts.”

Hawk let out a harsh sigh, his voice low and a bit shaky. “I still haven’t had the chance to hear you play it.”

“No one has, I didn’t finish the chords.”

“Why the hell not!”

“’Cause there is no song without you to sing it, so I didn’t see the point.”

“That is bullshit. I want to hear that song, Aaron, dammit can you do that for me, please?” Hawk tone dipped from sad to pleading, and Aaron would have had to be a cold-hearted bastard to saynoto that.

“I’ll finish it,” Aaron muttered, reluctant, because it hurt like hell to remember the last night things were truly perfect between them.

“There’s something else I’d like you to do for me.”

Sighing, Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose. “Don’t say go back upstairs.”

“I’m not, just be quiet and listen, okay?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Be patient with me,” Hawk said softly. “I know I’ve been keeping you at arm’s length, and part of is because I knew that eventually you’d see right through me. I wasn’t ready to admit to anyone, least of all myself, how god damned much I miss the life we’ve had. I can’t lose you too, Aaron, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna lose you to Kazzy, booze, or some reckless bullshit so hold it together please. For me, and these kids who really want their uncle in their lives.”

“They’ve got me. I’d never do anything to fuck that up, Hawk, you’ve got to know that. I’d drop everything to be there for them and you, all you’ve got to do is the word and I’ll never leave your side again.”

“I know,” Hawk said. “And I promise, I’ll say it soon. I miss you too and it’s been hell thinking about the way we left things off. I never should have told you that having you here would be like having a forth kid in the house.”

“No, that was fair. I deserved that with how completely out of pocket I was on the last tour. There was no need for that level of chaos. I think it just got to the point where I was trying to stay at the top of TMZ’s bad boy of the week list. At least then I’d be the best at something.” Aaron admitted as he wrapped the towel around himself.

No way was he getting back in the pool now. The wind had picked up, dropping the temperature while they were talking, so Aaron slipped his feet into his slides and headed for the door, water dripping down his legs from his trunks and making his shoes squelch.

“I needed to quit drinking,” Aaron said as he stepped into the elevator to head back down to his unit. “It was getting too out of control. I should have stopped when I first started to hate the way it made me feel about myself, but I kept trying to rationalize it, make vows, and set deadlines I knew I’d never keep. The only good thing losing you did for me was make me see that I needed to make some changes before I wasn’t around to see if there could ever be other possibilities for us.”

“We both did. Maybe we can help each other get to where we need to be to make it work.”

“I’m willing to try anything but another one of those meditation retreats,” Aaron said, pleased to get a chuckle out of Hawk. “All that silence had me about ready to claw my skin off.”

“I seem to recall you leaving a few well-placed scratches on mine as well.”

“And if memory serves, you were the one who initiated the whole thing, then damn near smothered me when that mindfulness facilitator knocked on the door and reminded usthat silence was supposed to be observed even in the privacy of our rooms.”

“And you bit me, you little shit!”

“So I could breathe, fucker!”

“Funny, I don’t remember you complaining about any of theothertimes I cut off your airway,” Hawk said.

“That’s because you were doing it with something far more interesting than your hand.”

“Damnit, you had to go there!”

“I just followed your lead.”

Hawk growled, and it seemed like the conversation was about to drift into familiar territory for them, one in which they used sex and innuendos to avoid dealing with the heavier shit. Only he was interrupted by the terrified voice of a little boy screaming about there being a giant spider on his wall.

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