But I’m happy for her. Really, I am.
So, so happy.
I booked to have my last heat at an Omega Wellness clinic. A safe place for unattached omegas to go through their heat with alphas of their choosing.
The alphas and the center never knew I planned to get pregnant, and when I walked out of the door, I never looked back.
Because I couldn’t do it.
I was so preoccupied with getting pregnant by only one alpha that nothing else mattered.
But that alpha loves another omega, so I’ll let everybody know the same story. I don’t know who attended to my heat.
“Here.” I hand Jagger a milkshake to go with his cookie, injecting even more sunshine into my voice than I feel. “Why don’t you go sit at the table and draw while mommy and I talk?”
“Thank you, Aunt Freya.”
Once he’s settled with his snack and crayons, Harlow turns to me with those knowing eyes. The ones that see right through my act. “You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?” I busy myself with wiping down the counter, though it’s already spotless. Just like my life. Just like everything.
Perfect, perfect, perfect.
“Pretending everything’s fine when it’s not.” She touches my arm gently. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, Frey. Not with me.”
“I’m fine.” The words come automatically, but my voice wavers. “Really. The bakery’s doing well, the baby’s healthy, I have everything I need.”Everything except someone to hold me at night. Everything except the sweet, easy intimacy I see between Harlow and her mates. Everything except someone to share this baby with.
But I don’t say any of that.
“Except someone to rub your feet after long days of baking. A pack to help raise this little one.” She lays her hand on my belly, and the baby kicks in response. My traitor of a baby, already loving Harlow as much as everyone else does.
Tears prick at my eyes, but I blink them back. Happy omegas don’t cry.
“I made my choice. The wellness center was my last chance at having a baby before...” I swallow hard. “Before it was too late. I don’t regret it.”
And I don’t. I just regret everything else.
“But you’re allowed to want more.” Harlow’s voice is soft. “You deserve more.”
“Mom!” Jagger calls out. “Look what I drew! It’s me and my new brother playing with rockets!”
“That’s beautiful, buddy,” Harlow calls back, but her eyes stay on me as I try to pretend my back isn’t killing me right now. “You can’t keep working these hours, Freya. The doctor said—”
“The doctor said I need to rest, I know.” I pat my belly and flash my brightest smile yet. “But this little one isn’t cheap, and neither is running a bakery.” I beam at her like my heart isn’t breaking. “And baking is the only thing that makes me feel normal. And I’m doing great! Really great! Amazing, even!”
The timer dings, saving me from further conversation. As I waddle to the oven, I can feel Harlow’s concerned gaze following me. She knows I’m lying. She knows I cry myself to sleep most nights, touching my belly and wondering if my baby will ever get to meet their daddy? And I wonder if our baby will have his eyes, his smile, his laugh, or just be grumpy like his personality.
But I’ve made my bed, and now I have to lie in it.
Even if I have to lie in it alone.
Even if I have to keep pretending, that’s exactly what I want.
A sharp pain shoots through my lower back. “Ouch!”
“That’s it.” Harlow grabs my elbow and steers me to a chair. “Sit down before you fall down.”
“But the timer—”