Page 90 of In Good Company

And it seems like there’s nothing that’ll change her mind.

As someone who is used to getting what they want, it’s a hard pill to swallow. I can have anything in the world, but I can’t have her.

“Say something,” Lucy begs. Her voice breaks a little, and Ihate how that little hitch in her voice gives me the tiniest ounce of hope that maybe she’ll realize she’s making a huge mistake.

I shake my head. I run my hand over my mouth as I try to think about what to even say to her. Just as her walls have come up, I can feel mine doing the same. I never wanted that to happen with her, but I can’t help it. I have to protect myself the best I can as she breaks my heart.

“What is there to say? I told you I’m falling for you, and you told me I was a distraction. I don’t know what else to say to you, Lucy, other than I wish you’d stop trying to carry the world on your shoulders all alone. I’ve never even been close to falling in love, but now that I know what it feels like, I think you feel it too. But for some reason, you’re scared of me loving you, and if you don’t even trust me enough to tell me why, then there’s nothing else I can do to change your mind. Until you’re ready to trust me and let me be there for you, then there isn’t much for us to talk about.”

I try to deliver the words softly. I’m not trying to fight or do anything to hurt her. Even so, she winces at my words. She’s got a lot on her plate, and the last thing I want to do is add more to it, but she wanted me to say something, so I did.

“You’re only a distraction because I’ve never felt for someone what I feel for you,” she finally gets out. Her words come out shaky, and she doesn’t even look at me when she delivers them.

I swallow, not knowing how to process her words. A sarcastic laugh leaves me as I realize how depressing this entire scenario is. “Apparently, whatever you feel, and hell, even what I feel, isn’t enough. You’re still not going to let me go with you and be there for you, are you?”

She lets out a sob as she shakes her head.

I nod as pain takes over my entire body. Nothing’s ever hurtthis badly, and no matter how hard I try to rub my chest to make the pain go away, it doesn’t subside.

I close my eyes for a moment as I force myself to accept defeat. No matter how much I want to, I can’t fight for someone who doesn’t want to be fought for. I can see she feels the same as I do, but I’ll never force her into something she doesn’t want, even if it’s absolute torture to have to let her go.

When I open my eyes, I let out a shaky breath as a numbness I hadn’t felt in a long time creeps into my veins.

“While you gather your things, I’ll call my pilot. We’ll go by your place so you can grab anything you need, and then I’ll drop you off at the airport.”

“You don’t have to do tha?—”

“Will you please just let me do this one last thing for you?” I plead, my voice hoarse. I’m sure I look ridiculous to her right now. It feels like all the color has drained from my face, and my entire body feels clammy. I can’t stop rubbing at the pain in my chest, and my jaw hurts from how much I’ve been grinding my teeth.

Thankfully, Lucy allows my last request. She nods, and it’s all the answer I need. Before I can beg her to change her mind about me, I turn to head back to my room to grab my phone.

She doesn’t say a word to me the entire ride back to her place.

Nothing’s said as I help her pack her things into a small purple suitcase.

We’re both silent as I drive her to the private airport.

Finally, I can’t take the silence for another second. She’s broken my heart and ripped it into a million pieces, but I can’t let her get on that plane without saying goodbye.

We stand by my SUV, the both of us staring at one another.

“I meant what I said. I’m falling for you, Lucy Rae, and I want to be there for you. It’s killing me not to get on this planewith you, but for once, I’ll accept not getting my way. But if you find yourself ever needing me, I’m one call away. You got that?”

Lucy’s chin trembles as she nods. “I’m so sorry. I wish things didn’t have to end this wa?—”

Her words get cut off as I pull her against my chest and just hold her. I’m well aware that people are watching us, but I don’t know the next time I’ll ever get to hold her like this—if ever. I just need a few more moments to commit this to memory.

I don’t know if it’s her or me that trembles, but our bodies shake as we hold each other.

I’m the first to pull away. I’m afraid if I hold on to her any longer, I’ll never be able to let go. And right now, she’s made it obvious that she needs to go—and she needs to go alone.

I have to let go, no matter how much it fucking kills me to do it.

My hands find either side of her face. We just stare at each other for a moment. My eyes trace the freckles along her cheeks, committing every single one of them to memory. I run my thumbs along them, hating how final this goodbye seems. There’s so much uncertainty about if she’ll ever change her mind about us and if I’ll ever see her again, and that destroys me.

“Goodbye, Lucy baby,” I rasp, trying to hide my hurt from her. I don’t want to make her feel any guiltier than she already does. It’s clear she’s carrying enough about not being in Virginia, so I want to do my best not to add to the guilt that’s clearly consuming her and preventing us from being together.

She rises to her tiptoes and presses a kiss to my lips. My entire body relaxes for a brief moment at the connection. My eyelids flutter shut, and for a few prolonged seconds, I pretend this isn’ta goodbye.

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