Page 83 of In Good Company

“It’s just because I’m crazy about you,” I admit, my heart racing inside my chest.

Saying the words out loud feels vulnerable. I can’t imagine it’s something she doesn’t already know because I feel like everything I do makes it obvious how much I care about her. I haven’t even tried hiding how I feel about her from my friends or anyone else.

I can’t fight what’s happening. Now, I just need to know that she feels something for me too, but I’m too afraid to ask, scared to have her tell me again that we’re just a fling.

I swallow, my pulse spiking with the thoughts racing through my head. All I want to do is pull her close to me and get answers. I want to beg her to admit that there’s more between us and that she’s even half as crazy about me as I am her. I want to ask her if she’d ever consider moving to Manhattan or if there’s any part of her that thinks things could work between us past the summer. There are so many things I want to know, but all the questions get stuck in my throat from fear.

I scrub my hand over my mouth, so many feelings rising to the surface. I don’t know if I can handle the answer to all of the questions running through my mind, but I’m feeling brave enough to ask one.

“Can I ask you something?” I get out, my voice hoarse.

She smiles. “Ask me anything.”

“Could you see yourself with me…even after this summer?”

My heart drops the moment she pulls her hand from mine and sits back in her chair. Whatever she’s about to say, I know it isn’t going to be what I want to hear.

And that realization tears me apart.

FORTY-FIVE

LUCY

My mind races with different ways I can answer Cal. Whatever I was thinking he was going to ask me, this was not it.

I wish I knew what to say back to him, but my mind is at a loss. Tonight has been so perfect I don’t want to ruin it. But I also don’t want to lie to him. Not when he’s staring at me so vulnerably, almost like it killed him to even ask me the question to begin with.

“I wish that were an option for me,” I whisper, not knowing how to tell him that I can’t change my future, no matter how badly I want to.

How horrible would it be for me to admit that I don’t want to take over my family’s store? It’s everything my father has worked for. It’s his legacy. He literally almost worked himself to death, working so hard that he had a heart attack, to keep the store afloat. It was his dream to pass it down to his sons. When we lost my brothers, I knew whatever future I saw for myself didn’t matter anymore. I had to take over so we could keep the store in the family despite not wanting to.

But I can’t tell that to Cal. Even admitting that I don’t want it makes me feel horrible, and I don’t want him to see me as a bad person.

Cal sits up as his eyebrows draw together. “Why isn’t it an option?”

“Because I have to go back to Virginia. I’m the only one left to take over my family’s store, and it’s time to give my dad a break. It’s time for me to run it, not him.”

His lips press into a thin line as he thinks about my answer. I hate that I can tell I’ve hurt him. He’s normally full of confidence, his head held high and his shoulders pushed back. Right now, it’s the opposite. His entire posture is stooped as his facial features set in a grimace.

“Is that what you want?” he asks, his eyes pinned on me.

I nod, unable to speak the words and lie out loud to him. “But if I had the choice, if I didn’t have to go back, then the answer to your question is yes. I’d want to be with you after the summer, Cal.”

A sad laugh escapes him as he runs his hands through his hair. “I don’t know if that answer makes me happy or incredibly sad.”

I slide out of my chair and close the distance between us. I hate the sad, pained look in his eyes. I never thought I’d be the one to make Cal feel that way, but I hate that what I’ve said has hurt him. He’s quickly become one of the last people I’d ever want to hurt, and I don’t know what to do to prevent it from happening again.

I tried telling him all we could be was temporary. I tried telling myself the same thing. But whatever’s happening between us, it seems that our hearts haven’t paid heed to the warnings from our heads.

And I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to stop the pain that is inevitably coming at the end of the summer.

“You have me for the summer,” I tell him, not knowing what else to say. I straddle his legs and lower myself onto hislap, my eyes searching his face for any sign of what’s running through his mind.

He leans into my touch when I grab both sides of his face, needing to feel his skin against mine. “That won’t be enough for me.” His voice is hoarse and filled with emotion, hitting straight to my heart.

I stroke his cheek, savoring the feeling of the scrape of his facial hair against my fingertips. “It has to be,” I whisper.

Cal shakes his head. “I wish you’d be honest with me, baby. I know there’s more to why you need to go back to Virginia. You’re just not telling me what it is.”

---