Regret isn’t something I ever feel. I always own my decisions. But just this once, regret might be seeping into my bones at what happened with Lucy. Not because I regret kissing her. To be honest, I want to do it again. And I would if she’d let me. I regret it because I’m coming to the conclusion that in kissing her, I might’ve lost her. And that’s not something I’m ready to accept.
I clench my jaw, hoping that maybe I’m just overreacting. Maybe she’s just still processing what happened and needs time.
“I wasn’t planning on hosting anyone tonight,” I grit out, keeping my eyes pinned on her.
I want to plead with her to look at me. I miss the familiar feeling of her warm brown eyes on me. When she looks at me, it feels like she actually sees me. Not Callahan Hastings, the billionaire heir to Hastings Inc. She doesn’t see the man who’s been called cold and ruthless on the internet or the one with more money than he can ever dream of spending. She sees me.Just Cal. And I want that back more than I want to kiss her again.
Lucy’s back stiffens at my argument. She keeps her eyes trained in front of her, way too focused on organizing the grocery haul for it to be believable. “Why not? The weather is beautiful today. I found so much fresh food. I could really make an amazing menu.”
“Because I don’t want to see anyone else but you today,” I answer, my words coming out blunt but strained.
Out of all things, that’s what finally gets her to look at me.
Her brown eyes meet mine, and I realize that it might not just be attraction I feel for the woman staring back at me. I might be developing feelings, something foreign to me. I’ve always been too busy with school and work to ever deal with feelings, but something is different inside my chest when she looks at me.
Lucy runs her palms over the front of her jeans. She sighs before tucking her hands into her pockets. “We really don’t have to talk about what happened, Cal.”
I try not to show any kind of reaction to her words, no matter how much I don’t like them. They hurt. “Yeah, well, I do want to talk about what happened.”
“It shouldn’t have happened. You’re my boss, and I don’t know what I was thinking. We’ll just pretend nothing ever happened.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to pretend nothing happened.” Ican’tpretend, but I keep that part to myself.
Lucy closes her eyes for a moment as she lets out a frustrated exhale. “Cal.”
My heart hammers in my chest as I take a step closer to her. I don’t close the distance between us fully, no matter how much I want to. I let her have her space. “I don’t regret what happened between us,” I confess. Being honest and vulnerablelike this is new to me, but I don’t shy away from it, hoping it helps her see I’m telling the truth.
Her eyes scan my face. “You don’t?” The question comes out a little shaky. It takes everything in me not to pull her body into mine. We’ve never embraced, not really, but for some reason, all I can think about is hugging her right now.
“No. I couldn’t regret that for a second.”
She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. I wish I could lean in and press my lips to the spot where her teeth dig in, but I don’t. She’s finally looking at me, talking to me. I don’t want to cross a line and risk losing either. “It just feels like we shouldn’t have lost control like that. You’re my boss and Oliver’s brother. We don’t have to pretend like we didn’t kiss, but we should at least not do it again.”
She’s close enough that she can probably hear the sound of my teeth grinding against each other. My jaw is so tense that it’s painful. If it was anyone else, I’d stand here and argue, but I’ve learned enough about Lucy to know that right now, her mind’s made up. I don’t want to push her too far.
So I nod, even though I can’t imagine going the rest of the summer—seeing her almost every single day—and not kissing her again.
Her eyes get wide. It’s obvious she wasn’t expecting me to agree so easily. If only she knew I’d agree to just about anything right now if it meant her not shutting me out.
“Okay,” she breathes, her eyes focusing on my lips for a fraction of a second.
Maybe the reminder of what happened between us is running through her mind like it is mine. My tongue peeks out slightly, wishing to taste her again.
Her chest hitches as a small gasp leaves her lips.
My lips twitch with the hint of a smirk. She can say we shouldn’t kiss again all she wants, but her body betrays her. Iknow she wants to; she’s just fighting it for some reason I don’t think she’s fully shared with me yet.
I’ll give her the time she needs to admit it to herself.
She puffs her cheeks out with a loud exhale before plastering on a smile. “So does that mean you’ve changed your mind about guests tonight?” she asks, her tone curious and hopeful.
I return her smile. “Nope. But you will be teaching me how to cook with all of these incredible and fresh ingredients you brought back. And we’re going to record it.”
TWENTY-FIVE
LUCY
My heart hammers against my chest. I don’t know if it’s nerves about Cal getting ready to press Record or if it’s because of Cal himself.