Page 7 of Hidden Memories

But what if I get denied?

I’m a single man for one, which even though the application and website indicate anyone can foster regardless of gender or relationship status, it’s got to be a red flag the size of Texas. Thankfully, I do tick all the boxes and haven’t left anything to chance. I already gave my manager, Bran, more responsibility and I’m looking to hire more people to help with the expansion at our new location. I’ll need to show I have time for Owen. Iwanttime for Owen.

Lots have considered me self-centered. But I have always, and I mean always, prioritized my animals over myself. When I didn’t have money for much to eat, they still had their feed and supplements for health ailments. I wasnever too hungover to not be with them exactly when they expected me. I like being there for them. It’s the best part of my life.

Not that I don’t realize raising kids is a whole lot different than raising animals. It will be trying but a million times more fulfilling. And that’s saying a lot because my creatures are my identity. I’m ready for a new role now. I’ll take the title of Dad no less seriously just because it has the word ‘foster’ before it.

I’ve made a success of my professional life.

Now, I want to make a success of my personal one.

Owen loosens the hay with his pitchfork, sending grass pollen and dust into the air. I blink hard, hoping not to let it settle into my already bloodshot eyes. I’m allergic to grass. I don’t have to do this job. I pay others to do it on the thoroughbred’s side. It’s worth it, though, because it’s time with Owen.

“Hey.” I grab his attention for a minute so he stops churning up dust. “Hector and Chispa need a ride out this afternoon. Can you help me out?”

They don’t need a ride out. They’ve both been exercised this morning. But I know how much better Owen feels after a hack and how we both get talking out on those trails.

“Sure.”

He tries to sound sullen, but I sense we might have gone from a ten to a nine.

We work together in comfortable silence, and I wonder if I could put Owen at ease just by mentioning my application. Should I tell him no matter what, I’ll fight to get approved?

I have to stick this out. I’ve faced big challenges before. Adversity, too. But Owen isn’t the only one who has been disappointed in the past. Who has had someone lie, cheat,and not show up. I know how easy it is for someone to pull the rug out.

We finish up our family horses’ hay nets for the week, then we go to tack up the horses. Slowly, some of Owen’s tension releases through our activity.

Owen shifts the saddle into place on Hector and smooths the girth around to buckle it. “The thing is, I know Sandy said she wouldn’t leave until I’m placed again. But this morning, she had an episode, she was all frozen and… first, I was just worried about her. Like, what should I do? Why is this happening to her? It’s so messed up that good people have bad things happen to them. You know?”

“I know all too well.” I slip a bridle around Chispa’s nose.

Owen lets down a stirrup. “And then, I looked up online what’s going to happen to her. It’s… horrible.” He chokes up and quickly lets out a cough to mask the emotion. “Like, will her family take good care of her when she starts drooling? I just hope they’re going to help and not put her in a home or something.”

This caring side of Owen is what he often feels he needs to hide, but it truly is one of the best parts of him.

Owen fastens the buckle on the side of Hector’s bridle. “Anyway, I helped her this morning and wasn’t sure if I should come here today because I don’t know if she’ll be all right. On the way here, I kind of hated myself for thinking this way, but I was like, what if her health goes down faster than they find me another home? I kind of felt bad for thinking about it. Like, this woman is falling apart, this really solid person is sick, and I’m thinking about myself? I can handle a group home if it will be easier for her.” He coughs again, and his words are a mere mumble. “I guess…”

I put my boot in the stirrup and hoist myself over Chispa. “You think you’re a burden on her?”

“Probably.”

“Sandy chose to have you. Shechoseto keep you on.”

Owen mounts and worries his lip. Then, he turns his face away from me, slumps over, and does something he’s never done in front of me before. He puts his forehead in his palm, and I’m sure he’s crying.

I jump down off Chispa without thinking and go to his side.

He turns Hector so he can hide himself. “Leave me alone.”

Damn, my heart has just fallen in my boots.

I put my hand on Owen’s back. “I’ll do most of what you want, Owen, but I won’t be leaving you alone.”

He clears mucus in his throat, trying to pull himself together. Finally, he glances up at me. There’s some sweat on his cheeks, over his freckles.

“Hey…” A lump fills my throat.

Maybe I should just tell him. I need to give this guy some hope.

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