Page 20 of Hidden Memories

On our way up the single-track highway, I’m a bubbling cauldron of emotions and starting to get prickly under my arms. After work, I really should stop by Monarch Hills to thank Santi. But then, I’ll see all he’s built for himself, the life I thought we’d have together and with all his dreams come true around him. Curiosity claws at me all over again.

I’ll need strength to thank him. It’s bittersweet that he’s saved us, despite him being the only person to ever trulybreak me. Suddenly, a surge of fear overcomes me. What if I can’t hold it together?

I continue to survive a manipulative, unloving father. I survived an abusive marriage. But with my father and Nicholas, I worked from behind my armor. I never let my shield down with them. I knew from a young age, from the way my father treated my mom, to be wary. I knew the day I found out I was pregnant that Nicholas wasn’t to be trusted.

I wore chainmail with those men so they never cut that deep.

But Santi? I didn’t just show him my heart, I let him hold it in those hardworking, talented callused hands of his. And he crushed it. I didn’t survive him because he took the girl I was wherever he went and never came back with her. She’s gone.

I never stopped wanting that hopeful young woman back, and that hurt as much as losing him.

“Mom?” Theo breaks me out of my trance, and just in the nick of time, because I might have missed our turn.

“Yeah, honey?”

There’s the sign for Echo Valley. Population 2502.

“I forgot to put on my lucky sock.”

“It’s a good thing I have both mine on then.” I glance over quickly, offering a beaming smile despite feeling nervous as hell. I try some small talk because it will take both our minds off our frazzled nerves. “Julia said there are a lot of dogs coming in and out of the place. I guess where it’s a tack and feed shop there will be animal food, wheelbarrows…”

“Wheelbarrows…” he says more to himself than to me.

“Yeah. And maybe pitchforks and shovels and lots of farm stuff.”

Theo isn’t a bubbly kid, he’s always been theserious type, so he doesn’t get excited by bouncing around, he does it by becoming more thoughtful. The wordfarmhas his wheels turning.

Julia told me the shop is the first thing I’ll see coming into town, and sure enough, there’s the gray-sided building with red trim. Right under the apex of the roof is a sign.Heritage– Feed, Pet, Tack.

I pull into the lot and throw my car into park. When I turn off the ignition, the music goes along with it and any distraction that was keeping me from becoming a wreck. I have to keep it together for Theo, but I have to pee suddenly as well, and I know it’s just that fear of the unknown dancing on my bladder.

Out of the front door and under the awning of the front porch appears an attractive older woman, hair in a bun. She’s wearing jeans and a button-down green shirt and looks pretty fit. When we step out of the car, she puts her arm in the air to wave at us, so that can only mean it’s Julia.

Keeper runs ahead toward Julia and sniffs around her ankles. She bends down and scratches behind his ear.

As we approach, Theo grabs for my hand, and I’m as glad to hold his as he is mine. We’ve been there for each other since the beginning. I know I’m supposed to be his support, but this little boy has no idea how much strength being his mother has poured into me over the years.

I squeeze his hand and glance down. He offers me a thin-lipped smile.

Julia extends her hand. “Kat, I presume?”

I nod and shake her hand. “Nice to meet you. This is Theo.” I search around for my dog who is very annoyingly peeing on one of Julia’s pots. “And that’s Keeper.”

I hope she’s chill about the begonias.

She is.

She bends down to get at eye level with Theo. “I hope you don’t mind getting dirty.”

He briefly makes eye contact and then stares at the ground again, but his lips quirk up at the corner. Julia unknowingly just spoke Theo’s love language. Dirt.

“Come on in so I can show you two and Keeper around the shop before the trucks arrive.”

We enter the huge airplane-hangar-sized store. Theo’s eyes widen instantly.

Inside, it smells like earth and leather, which is what I want pumped into the air of my coffin so I know I’m in heaven. The store is separated mostly by house pets and big animals. Half of the store is stocked with industrial-sized bags of dog and cat food and on the other side, horse supplements, salt licks, fly masks, horse blankets, bridles, and stirrups… it goes on for miles. A wave of nostalgia bursts through me in the best possible way. The only times in my childhood when I was truly happy was with the horses. Be it mucking out, riding, or grooming.

Julia points to the far end of the building. “Over there is the door leading to the hay stores, outbuildings… the containers where we keep wood shavings and all the bedding.”

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