Page 70 of Perfect Playbook

The sincerity in his eyes makes mine water. The bridge of my nose stings. Until now, I have believed every single word that’s come out of this man’s mouth. But, I’m sure he’s being naive. We both are.

When we met we had everything in common.

All too soon, we won’t.

Chapter Twenty-Three

I lie downon the hotel bed and toe off my shoes, letting them fall with a thud at the base. I cross my arms behind my head and stare at the ceiling. If we’d stayed together, would I have just had years in hotel rooms, with nonstop thoughts of what Shay got up to that day? Did she get stuck in traffic? What did she eat for lunch? Dinner? Did she dream up a new cake design?

The questions could be the same now as they would have been sixteen years ago, because Shay hasn’t changed. Not even being a mom has changed her, but it was the steady in her I fell for, and the steady in her I stillfind attractive now. As well as those womanly thighs she had hanging out of her skirt this morning.

Being the kind of man who can’t stop moving, a person like me is attracted to her nature. I remember as a kid, out on the open range with the horses, you could only feel confident galloping into the distance, miles away from home, if you had a landmark. I haven’t been able to figure out how to stop moving, not even to go to sleep, and Shay’s reliability of spirit is like a lighthouse to a sailor.

Not that the woman is easy or boring or does anything short of keeping me on my toes. Because as much as she’s predictable, she’s feisty, too. She can look me in the face and tell me I’m a dick if I’m being one. You never have to guess where you stand with an independent woman like that. Unfortunately, feisty women pick their men, their men don’t pick them.

I’ll never know for sure how it would have gone if Shay and I had worked out. Would we have had those kids? Built a house on our ranch? Though I used to wonder every once in a while when I’d see a cupcake or brownie in a coffee shop and get reminded of her, our present life together has made any remnants of wishing for a different path disappear. Without us being apart, Nino wouldn’t be here. I have to admit, the kid wiggled into my soul almost immediately.

It’s not hard for any child to win me over. I’m easy that way when it comes to the little ones. But Nino is special. There’s no use denying Shay had to go down that path in order to fetch him, and that required things to be exactly as they are. It’s the ultimate paradox. A catch-twenty-two.

I let out a long breath and stare at the black TV. The room is dimly lit apart from one lamplight jutting out from the wall next to the bed. This mattress is too soft. They’re always too soft. I hate it when I sink too far into a mattress.Some things never change. The hotel rooms are always too dim, and the beds are nothing like home.

And that reminds me of how Shay said I’ve changed. I know, in some ways, it appears I have, which was why I didn’t carry on challenging her at that moment. I didn’t want to hear about how to the outside world I’m some playboy. To hear her actually utter those words wouldn’t feel good when it’s the last thing I want her to think I am.

But what’s done is done, and I can’t apologize for doing my best to live life. I stayed celibate for a while, and made sure to knock on her door as much as I could in the months that followed, but the obstacle we faced was impossible to overcome.

I slide my cell from my back pocket, spin it around in my hand. It’s eleven at night. I’m sure she’s sleeping but I want to hear how her day was. I want the answers to the mundane questions which is how I know I’m in the danger zone. I’m falling all over again.

It’s the first piece of evidence it’s happening—wanting to know about her dinner, and the traffic and work calls should not be on my mind when I’m exhausted after a game and needing some rest. But when you fall, the ordinary becomes extraordinary. I know what a magical thing this transformation is. It makes your life something special, you’re so present, so alive with love that the most common little things light you up.

Fuck it.

Hopefully she’ll have her phone off if she’s sleeping.

How did the calls go today?

My phone beeps.She’s up.

Pastelito

Good and bad.

Why?

Pastelito

I booked the job for the “just in cake” haha

Maybe it was a better joke than I first thought.

Pastelito

It’s still terrible.

Why was your day bad then? That’s a high profile job. Exactly what you need.

Pastelito

I need to deliver the cake to LA on Antonio’s first day at Longbrook.

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