Page 47 of Perfect Playbook

He must be at physical therapy this morning because there are only twenty minutes left of optional skate time when his tall ass steps onto the ice. He barrels towardme, as I knew he would, comes at me like I’m in trouble and shoves me playfully into the plexiglass with a fake check.

“Congratulations, Mrs. Mendez.”

I push myself up properly. “Thanks.” I start skating off so I don’t have to look him in the eye, but it’s what we’re supposed to be doing, so there’s no shade.

He skates alongside. “Fuck, man… I had no idea you were talking to Shay for a while. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Payback.” I punch his shoulder. It’s a blow-off answer but a solid one, too, since he had his secret relationship with my sister not too long ago.

My best friend isn’t one to talk without thinking, so he holds on to my answer, and I’m sure once the initial humor wears off, he’ll be thinking about why Shay and I would be a secret. After all,hehad a good reason to stay private when it came to Jolie.

Ashton will not think of me and Shay the same way everyone else will. I was able to hide a lot of my heartache back then from my family, but from Ashton? It was impossible, because once I decided the dark place I was in was too scary to be alone, that week at Golden Sierra, Ashton made me get out of bed every day. That might have been over a decade ago, but Ashton still refers to my life asBefore ShayandAfter Shay, because much as I don’t want it to be true, our breakup was a major demarcation in my life.

I changed a lot. I changed to survive.

So I find the most plausible explanation to our low-key dating. “Shay has Antonio. Out of respect for her privacy and giving her time to tell him on her own, I kept us quiet.”

“Well, you couldn’t have had a louder marriage in the end. Everyone is talking about it. It’s all over social media already, and I’m guessing you’ve been offereda mag spread?”

I hope Coach has social media.

“Yeah. We were already papped in Vegas, but Reggie told me two magazines want multi-page stories and photos.”

“I can’t see Shay being up to that.” He remembers her precisely.

“Nope. I’m not even going to ask.”

I focus on the ice ahead, but it doesn’t stop me knowing Ashton is staring right at me.

“What was it like being with the love of your life after a year-long dry spell? You must have sucked.”

I wish I could remember.“I’ve got a lifetime to make up for it.”

I round the bend in the rink and head down center ice for a more active skate and to make a temporary break from his scrutiny. I glide a drill down the middle.Three right. Three left. Quick feet.Ashton follows me and pushes himself hard to blow past me, then skates backward to capture my gaze.

He breathes heavily. “You know I’m really happy for you, right?”

“What else would you be?”

“Suspicious.”

I manage a staccato laugh because he’s far too close to the bullseye, as always.

But he’s kidding, thank God. “Seriously, Lo? Maybe now we’ll get some of that true you back.”

Sincerity fills the space. Sometimes I miss the old me, too. Apart from hockey, the life I’ve been leading has been like a skipping record, repetitive, boring despite the vast variety in it. For the past years I’ve barely slept in the same place twice in a row. Women’s names are like an alphabet I’ve been through front to back more than a few times.

Even sex, which I didn’t do nearly as often as peoplethought, lost its appeal. I stopped chasing for meaning in it over a year ago. That’s when I told Reggie to stop setting me up, but he convinced me it was still a wise idea to maintain my public persona.

It’s been a long dry spell indeed. I probably blew my wad in a millisecond with Shay just like Ashton suggested. I’m surprised I managed to get a condom on with a woman like Shay under me.

In all the years gone by, I never found a woman who excited me quite like she can. She’s the kind of woman who doesn’t take shit and keeps you on your toes. She’s a woman you can confide it and get the truth, even if it hurts. She was everything a guy like me needed back then and probably still does. There are few people in my life who don’t blow smoke up my ass. It’s boring, and there’s nothing worse for your life than people puffing up your ego with thin air.

As a man who’s always been at the top of his game, people remarking on my God-given talent, I’ve had a huge amount of attention. Whenever I’d puff my chest, my dad would warn me, “Ego is like fire. Your servant if kept under control. Your master if you let it rage.”

Shay kept me in check from the minute I first spoke to her. It’s amazing how easy and uncomplicated love is when you drop your ego.

But this isn’t a conversation I’m down to have right now. Dredging up the past will muddy our vision. Reflecting on how she’s the only woman I ever loved is reckless.

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