Page 37 of Perfect Playbook

My heart thunders thinking of these other men. I triedto bring it up, we’ve had plenty of hours, but we’re not there yet with each other, and Shay is tight-lipped. We have plenty of time for me to ask again and receive the words like I’m their whipping boy.

We pass Blackrock; we’re close to Starlight Canyon. In thirty minutes, this whole deal of ours will be truer than it has ever been, and there’s one big thing we haven’t fully discussed—Antonio.

Shay has been silent for the past twenty minutes, maybe listening to music, but I doubt it by the tension in her jaw.

The clock is ticking, and we’ll be at her dad’s house soon, so I guess it’s up to me to serve up the topic. “We should talk about Antonio again.”

“You’re right. I’ve been thinking about what to say.” She turns down the radio that’s barely audible anyway.

“So the silence wasn’t your hangover getting the best of you? I could have driven.”

She deadpans, “Insurance. Plus, since you have had drivers pretty much since college, I’m guessing you haven’t improved behind the wheel.”

Ihaveimproved.

“How do you know I’ve had drivers? Have you been following me, Shana Mendez?”

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Thinking about insurance reminds me. We should make a list of admin for my PA. Do you and Antonio have health insurance?”

“We do but it’s expensive and shitty since I’m self-employed.” She cocks her head. “Wait, your PA is a guy?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I just thought you would have hired a woman. It seems like unless a person skates for a living, you only hang out with ladies.”

It would be a dig if not for the truth attached to the statement. I have been around a lot of women. I went through a phase of intense escapism and partying, and where there is booze and Vegas, there are women. Sometimes they were just around, and paparazzi got photos of me with somebody I didn’t even know was near me. Now and then, it was me trying with someone who seemed nice enough. Other times, it was just an orchestrated media charade Reggie put together to keep me in the public eye. It was exhausting and kind of sad.

It never would have happened if me and Shay had stayed together. They say life comes full circle. Now here I am with the very woman with whom I wanted a family and kids. She’s also the reason I had neither of those things.

I’m not getting into that right now any more than she’ll tell me about her men in between.

“You’ll like Tom. I’m always shocked how quickly he can get things done. He stays one step ahead of me even. I told him about us, so I’ll give you his number and you can call him day or night.”

She nods but she’s still thinking about the same thing I am, and it isn’t Tom. “I know I told you that I have lied to Nino before.”

Her features contort as if she’s convincing herself of something.

“But it really has been about the smallest things. I tried to give him tacos with a little bit of cheese once to trick him into saying he liked it. And there are the obvious stories like Santa and the tooth fairy… not that he’s lost any teeth yet, but one of his classmates got one knocked out, so we talked about that. So I have lied.Tinylies. And I don’t think there’s any right or wrong answer here, it just depends on whatkind of parent you are, and every parent does things good and not so good but…”

I know where she’s going. “You’re still happy about telling Nino we’re married…”

“Well, yeah…” Her knuckles go white. “Also, you need to know, just because Nino has a really high IQ, it doesn’t mean he’s any more mature than a normal five year old. He isn’t. I mean, he can remember people’s names and pays more attention to his surroundings maybe than some other kid, and of course there’s the math… but he’s still just a baby. And impressionable and…”

She’s working out mom shit inside. I’ve watched a lot of my teammates become parents; spoken to them about raising children. It’s tough, even just hearing about it I sometimes get stressed. It’s the biggest gift but also seems like the most enormous responsibility in the world.

What Shay says next tells me she’s really damn good at it. Just like I thought she’d be.

“I want him to view relationships in a healthy way. Like, even when I was going on a date I’d tell Nino about it. Inform him what I was doing that night and never pretended otherwise. I explained how people meet others and can fall in love…”

Who were these guys?Are they in Starlight Canyon? My stomach curdles thinking about Shay on a date.

“Did he actually understand what you were saying? When I think back to my five-year-old self, if kissing was involved or the thought of anything like that, I pretty much tuned out.”

She laughs. “I don’t think he really took it in. But I always told myself I would teach him not to have a toxic view of relationships. I want him to know that sometimes people are together and then they aren’t and it’s okay. Theend doesn’t mean failure. I think it’s such a shame-based lie—that two people deciding they aren’t healthy for each other anymore, or aren’t a match, is some sort of failure. Failed relationship. Failed marriage. It’s such bullshit.”

Shay has always had a mind of fairness and she’s that girl in college with the rally posters all over again.

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