I don’t even glance at Santiago. He stayed in New Mexico after the Day of the Dead celebrations in order to see some old friends. Being that we were both in Santa Fetoday, I offered to pick him up and take him to get Nino. Santi wanted to see his new school.
My brother doesn’t notice I’m a zombie. “Hey. Thanks for the ride. Can’t wait to see the place. Nino made it sound like paradise.”
“Mmm.” If I open my mouth enough to form a word, it might allow a sob to creep out.
He stares out the windshield, unaware, and tells me about the meeting with his friend. “I can’t believe how much Gaspar’s life has changed. It’s hard to believe that old gigolo has a family now. Cute kids, too. Twins.” He pauses. “What’s with all the twins these days? Is it something in the water? I swear there are twins everywhere you look in California.”
I grip the steering wheel. Stare at the road ahead, but know I need to answer or he’ll ask what’s wrong. “Maybe it’s all the older parents there. IVF maybe?”
“Hm. That makes twins more likely?”
“I think so.”
His gaze seems to strip off my cheek and find another place out the window. “Well, he’s doing great. He’s still an artist, and I have to say I’m impressed he didn’t give up on his dream to do that.” His hand lands on my arm. “It’s not easy to keep going. I know about that…” He taps my arm. “Proud of you, too,nena. You got this cake business on lock…”
With his touch, with his pride, I burst. Tears well up and I have to blink fast to keep watching the road. I wipe my burning cheeks, but as soon as I dry them, the tears wet them all over again.
“Oh no. I made you cry. Shit. What did I say?”
“It’s not you.”
“Did you not book the cake?”
I booked the cake. In fact, it was another mind-blowing budget the Rosarios had. So much so it made me wonder if Logan was actually subsidizing these deals and making contributions.
“I booked the cake.”
“Is it Nino?”
I’ve almost completely stopped crying now. “No. Antonio kicks ass. He’s so damn cool.”
I sense his mind searching for any other reason in the world that could bring me to tears.
I admit what’s on my mind. “It’s Logan.”
The energy shifts quickly in my passenger seat. “Fucking…” Santi speaks through gritted teeth. “I actually started to think he was all right.”
“No. He didn’t do anything wrong….” I say past a stone in my throat, and then when my next words come out, they force more tears. “The problem is he’s done everything right.”
The last word is high-pitched and accompanied by another set of pitiful sobs. I grip the steering wheel and head for straight but I’m sniffing and crying…
“Pull over…” Santi commands.
We only just pulled off the freeway and into Longbrook, so I find a small side road not a mile from campus.
I quickly regret letting one of my brothers in on this. If any men have been reluctant to love, it’s these guys. Family. Their business. Horses. Tamales. That is all they really care about and not necessarily in that order. Santi will just tell me to forget about it.
“Ooof…” I hurry to clear away my outburst. “I don’t know what got into me there.”
“You said it was Logan.”
“Yeah. I don’t know why I said that.” I can’t talk to Santi. “Must be that time of the month.”That will work.
“Come on, Shay, that might have worked when we were younger, but periods don’t scare grown men.”
My brother’s glossy dark brows are pulled inward. His lips form a thin, concerned line.
“You can talk to me,” he reassures. “I’ve changed a little since doing this business. I’m more sensitive now. Try me.”