Page 110 of Perfect Playbook

Almostwould tear the fucking skin from my bones.

She hasn’t said it yet. She hasn’t told me she loves me.She hasn’t told me she thinks this will last. But Ifeelit. It’s not just in my intuition but in her every touch. It’s in the way she stares at me, pretending not to smile at my jokes, but her lips quirk up like I’m the most delightful person in the world. It’s the way she cooks for me and puts extra spice in my portion just how I like it, even though it’s more work. It was in hercalaverita. In her always knowing the score for my games and being so pissed at the players that check me she swears in Spanish. Her love is in how she rubs my shoulder in the exact place it hurts, without having to ask where it aches. Shay shares her son with me, quite possibly the ultimate display of love.

Do I need her words to make this decision?

We get on our gear. I slug some energy drink in hopes of getting a second wind.

Ashton comes into the locker room from kicking the soccer ball with some teammates. He takes out his earbuds and packs them into their case. “So you have a call with Reggie?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you made up your mind?”

“I think so.”

He contemplates me.

I chew my lip. “Were you sure? When you did it for Jolie, were you a hundred percent sure?”

He glances around to check if anyone listens. He sits next to me and asks discreetly, “You want to know if I was sure when I decided to retire?”

I nod.

He scratches his head. “I wasn’t sure exactly. I tried to justify it as a good move even if Ididn’thave her.” He blows a laugh out of his nose. “With women like Shay and Jolie, I don’t think you’ll ever be sure about anything.”

My sister and Shay are both feisty and independent. They don’t need men to complete them, and even though Jolie is much more open with her feelings than Shay, she sometimes makes choices that seem so illogical you could never guess them.

He continues. “It happens for all of us. I knew I was getting gnarly and going to end up useless to anyone or anything if I played another season more with my ankle. The thing that cropped up for me over and over, though, was what to do after. You at least have the wind farm.”

“I’m sure the turbines will be stimulating conversation,” I deadpan.

“And you already have a kid, which was something I worried about at the time.” He slaps my arm. “You’re going to be a great stay-at-home dad.”

“I have a kid if Shay stays with me.”

“She will.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You won’t give her any choice.”

“I let her leave last time.”

“That clearly had to be. And it had to happen to bring Antonio here.”

It’s uncanny. “I said the same thing.”

“But this time? No, this time you won’t let her leave. You’re gonna retire, bro, because it’s the only way. And you know what they say about the right thing?” He throws his sneakers into his locker space. “The right thing isn’t reactive. It’s proactive.”

“Who said that?”

He whips his shirt off overhead. “Your dad.”

Ashton grabs his water bottle and squirts some drink into his mouth. “Bro, you do what you have to do.” He throws a towel over his shoulder, preparing to head over tothe massage therapists. “We’re lucky we have this season. Let’s make it count.” He points at me. “Then we can join the golf club.”

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I madeit through the car ride to Longbrook just listening to Nino talk and sing to songs on the radio. I made it to my meeting by numbing myself completely. I turned into a whole other person to get through that. But as I drove away from Rosario’s family’s house and to the restaurant near Longbrook where I agreed to pick up my brother, Santi, the energy I’ve used to prop myself up was nearly completely deflated. When he gets in the car, I have to hold my jaw tight not to burst into tears.

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