Page 108 of Perfect Playbook

“Want to talk about it?”

“Well, we need to talk about it.”

“We do?”

He hangs his head and nods.

I turn his body around to face me. “You’re freaking me out, Logan.”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to. We need to talk, but it’ll take some time to iron shit out. But unfortunately, I’ve never been good at hiding my feelings, and it’s just a tough one, you know?”

My heart nearly explodes with anxiety. “No. I don’t know. You should tell me.”

“There’s not enough time now.”

“Don’t do this to me, Logan. Now I know something is wrong, it will eat me alive today.”

“Honestly, Shay…”

“Tell me…”

“I’m getting traded,” he blurts. “At the end of the season, they’re trading me. I don’t know where, but come April, May, I’m done here with the Scorpions.”

His words are a sucker punch, a hard, ruthless blow, and with my defenses down, tears instantly threaten behind my eyes. I have to look away. What the hell? He’s being traded? I didn’t plan for this. We didn’t talk about this. I clear mythroat and push away the devastating sadness the only way I know how.

I summon anger in its place. “So our plan didn’t work. It’s over?”

My words have more force than I intend, and Logan’s defeated energy stiffens into something else. Something hard. Like he’s immediately erected a fortress. “Over? What exactly do you mean byover,Shay?”

I don’t know what I mean byover.But as usual, I choose the words that make me appear invincible, though I’m very far from it. His words sucked the strength and soul right from my body. And when I don’t feel strong, I self-destruct. It’s happening now, but the words come out like second nature. “Our agreement. I can’t give you my end of the bargain anymore so I guess it’s over.”

He laughs maniacally, and I know I hit a nerve. Logan is one of those calm, collected men, suave and classy, put together and unshakeable, so when he does shake, it’s like tectonic plates shifting. He’s not loud but he rumbles strong like an earthquake.

“You are my wife, Shay. You think I give a shit about that agreement anymore?” He cages me in against the counter. “Is that all it is to you?”

Say no, Shay, Say no. Tell him he’s so much more.

But even if I tell him I love him, that he means so much to me it will only make the trade that much harder. I couldn’t do it back in college. How can I do it now when I love him a million times more and he means the world to not just me but Nino? I haven’t completely forgotten how much Logan’s reputation hurt me, especially when I experienced it amongst a string of lying, cheating men.

With Logan here, coming home regularly, we can work on it.

My jaw clenches. Fear stabs at my insides. In just six months he’ll be gone. Not just during the day and a few nights a week. Gone. There is no way I can move. There is absolutely no chance of Logan coming home after regular practice or a home game.

Despite fear plucking my every last nerve, it’s not what I see in Logan’s gaze. It’s not what his hands on my hips are telling me.

“Do you trust me?”

I wish I said nothing. But instead, my words would haunt me for the hours to follow when Logan leaves for Santa Fe.

“I’m not sure.”

“You’re not sure?” he asks. “Are you serious?”

He’s halfway between shock and pain. I hate seeing him this way. I hate that I’m hurting him, but my shadow follows me still, and she’s hellbent on putting me back behind my wall.

I choke on my words. “I haven’t thought about it.”

“You don’t need to think about whether you trust someone or not. It’s a feeling, Shay.”

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