Page 98 of Ramsey & Emerson

“-he’s still not as bad as Ramsey,” Delaney finished, ignoring the truth about her own husband. “Is it possible that Ramsey’s seeing something that’s not there?”

“Even if Ramsey is being paranoid, he said that Adrian told him that he wouldn’t be able to stay away from me all day long if I were his wife, and that’s inappropriate all around,” I informed them. “Since Ramsey would never lie about something like that, I fully believe that Adrian said it.”

“He’s lucky that Ramsey didn’t lay him out,” Ava grimaced.

“I think the only reason that he didn’t was because we were at a children’s charity event,” I said honestly. “Ramsey tries his best not to embarrass me in public after…after that morning at Windsor.”

“Which explains why you look like you’ve been attacked by a vampire,” Roselyn chimed in. “The last time that I saw a hickey that violent looking, it was when Ramsey had dragged you out of the café after you guys first met.”

“Yeah, it’d been eighteen-year-old Ramsey that had dragged me into the restroom at The Hologram last night, and it’d been eighteen-year-old Ramsey that had gone out of his way to make his point,” I said. “I haven’t seen him like that in a long time.”

“You know, not to sound like I’m on his side, but…what he did to you was rather awful, Emerson,” Ava remarked. “Not only did he humiliate you in the worst way, but he also put your health at risk. I mean,shouldhe forgive himself for that?”

I let out a heavy, tired, exhausting sigh. “I’m not dismissing what he did to me, even if it sounds like I am. I remember everything about that morning, and I remember how I felt and how I felt days afterwards. It’s why I’d been able to sympathize with Lake when Ram did what he did to her. History had repeated itself, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.” I looked at the faces of my friends, and it really sucked that they were each going to be able to identify with what I was going to say next. “Nevertheless, I’ve been through worse, and that’s what Ramsey doesn’t understand. Yeah, what he did to me was horrible, but it wasn’t my father beating me before I’d even been old enough to understand why I was getting beaten. It wasn’t my father drinking away his income, forcing me to work just to feed myself. It wasn’t my father beating my mother in front of me and raping her in their bedroom. It wasn’t my father finally killing my mother, leaving me with issues that no therapist will ever be able to heal fully.”

No one said a word, but then what was there to say? While Ramsey’s actions that day would have made a normal person never speak to him again, I wasn’t normal. In fact, none of us on this back porch were normal, and while the guys had their own issues, they weren’t anything like what we’d had to deal with. Except for the scar on Ramsey’s face, their biggest complaints about their childhoods were neglect and narcissism, but that wasn’t the case for us.

I shook my head as I thought about every woman here, and I wasn’t bragging when I said that we were all way more stronger than the men in our lives. I had endured a childhood of horrible neglect and physical abuse, Delaney had endured a childhood of emotional and mental manipulation, plus the scar on her face, Roselyn had endured a childhood of neglect, then forced to live in a house where her stepbrother had given guys permission to rape her, and Ava had endured the worst. Ava’s mother had allowed one of her husbands to sexually abuse her, and instead of helping Ava seek help for the horrific things that had happened to her, her mother had chosen to leave Ava on her own to figure it out. So, yeah, these women understood me in a way that Ramsey would never be able to.

“Ramsey can’t move on because that morning is the worst moment of his life,” I went on. “I can move on because it’s not even close.”

“Have you explained that to him?” Delaney asked softly.

I shook my head. “No,” I admitted. “But I think that’s because I’m just barely figuring that out now for myself. Last night, I was so upset that…well, Ramsey and I never solve anything on the first night when we’re both pissed off like we’d been last night.”

“Are you still pissed?” Ava asked.

“No,” I answered honestly. “Right now, I’m hurt. I’m hurt that Ramsey’s unhappy. I’m also feeling like a fool for having not noticed it all these years. I really thought that we were happy.”

“In all fairness, has Ramseyeverbeen happy?” Roselyn asked. “I mean, I honestly can’t remember a time when he wasn’t always so serious.”

“It’s true,” Ava chimed in. “I can go back all the way to grade school and tell you that Ramsey was way too serious even back then.”

Delaney nodded. “She’s not lying. Either serious or angry, I’ve never seen Ramseyhappy.”

“C’mon, we’ve all seen him smile before,” I countered. “He’s been happy.”

“Emerson, the only time that man smiles is when he’s looking at you,” Ava snorted. “If it’s not at you, then it’s at something that the kids are doing or saying. Apart from that, the man doesn’t laugh easily, though he never has.”

I looked at the girls. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to not feel like he just ruined the last twenty-five years with his truth.”

“Oh, Em,” Roselyn whispered.

“Honestly, I feel like the wife that was the last one to know,” I chuckled dryly. “All these years, I’ve been living in ignorant bliss, and how can that be? I really thought that me and Ramsey shared a soul, but if that was true, then I would have felt that something was off with him, and I didn’t. I had no idea that his regret had that tight of a hold on him.”

“Emerson, I know that you’re hurt and probably feel a bit betrayed, but…”

I eyed Delaney. “What?”

She let out a heavy sigh. “Ramsey wasn’t keeping secrets from you, Emerson. He’s just been trying to find a way to live with himself after what he did to you, and providing the perfect life for you was the only answer that he could come up with for that. Plus, is this about what he did to you that morning, or is this about how he hadn’t trusted you? After all, had he trusted you, instead of listening to Bailey’s lies, then that morning at Windsor never would have happened. So, maybe that’s the regret that he’s been dealing with, not necessarily what happened at school.”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” I told her. “While he did mention how he never should have believed my cousin, we were all over the place last night, so I really don’t know.”

“Well, you want to know what I know?” Ava asked. “I know that we better come up with something, because Ramsey can’t go on like this, and we all know it. If you don’t kiss and make up soon, he’s going to go off the rails.”

She wasn’t wrong.

“Like Ava said, our plan needs to be better than theirs, or else we’re all screwed,” Delaney added.

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