Page 62 of Ramsey & Emerson

I had ended up crying all over again.

My tears had shocked them, and it’d been well into the evening by the time that I’d finished telling them everything that I’d been through, beginning from the night that they had arrested my dad until being back in Hantover. By the time that I’d been done, it’d felt like I’d gone through an emotional cleansing, and I’d felt exhausted.

So damn exhausted.

After my epic meltdown, Sally had ordered pizzas, then we’d hung out in my trailer, catching up on everything. It’d only been a matter of months, but it’d felt like forever since I’d seen them. Though we had called and texted a lot, it hadn’t been the same thing.

It’d been around midnight when Sally and Henry had crashed on the bed, the familiar sight a cozy one. They weren’t a couple or anything like that, we were just all sort of all comfortable around each other. Scott had been laid out on the couch with his back resting on one of the arm supports, and I had been lying next to him, curled up in his arms, as we had watched television.

After about an hour of silence, save for the television, Scott had asked me pointblank if I still loved Ramsey, and I’d kept replaying the conversation over and over in my head during the entire drive back to Sands Cove.

“Tell me, Em, do you love him?”

I couldn’t lie to him. I had never lied to him before, so I wasn’t going to start now. “Yes.”

“Then make him prove it to you, honey.”

I sat up, then looked over at him. “What do you mean?” I asked, and I hated myself for even asking. What Ramsey had done to me was unforgivable, yet here I was, trying to find a way to forgive him. I’d never felt so weak and cowardly in all my life.

“Go back to Windsor, walk down that hallway-proud and strong-until you’re standing in front of him, and then let him make the next move,” Scott suggested.

I shook my head. “I don’t understand. What’s that supposed to accomplish?”

“Emerson, when he sees you, he’s going to either beg your forgiveness in front ofeveryone,or he’s going to let you go,” he explained. “If he lets you go, then you get to go without the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what could have beens’ plaguing the rest of your life. If he begs for forgiveness, then you’ll be vindicated, and it won’t hurt to love him anymore. Well, it won’t hurt as much. You both are unstable as fuck, so I imagine any future relationship that you guys have will be riddled with heartbreak, but you’re strong enough to see it through.”

“Bu…but he doesn’t deserve a chance to make it right,” I stressed.

“You’re right. He doesn’t,” Scott agreed. “What he did makes me want to kill him. But, Em, you wouldn’t be going back for him. You’d be going back foryou, so that you can find peace, either with or without him. But it’ll be done either way, and you’ll be able to move on.”

I had replayed his words over and over in my mind until I’d fallen asleep, and then all weekend long. Scott, Henry, and Sally had hung out with me the entire time, and it’d felt wonderful. It had felt like old times. It had felt comfortable and safe. However, at the same time, it’d felt lonely. Even my trailer wasn’t free from the memories of Ramsey anymore.

So, I had worked my Saturday and Sunday shifts, but I had asked for Monday off, and I hadn’t been embarrassed to tell Muriel why. Being the godsend that she was, she’d thought that my plan to go back to the scene of the crime had been a good idea. She had also assured me that, no matter the outcome, she would always be there if I ever needed her. It’d been hard walking away from her again. Of course, if this all went to hell, I’d be back.

When I’d gotten home after my shift last night, I had called Roselyn, and after several minutes of hearing her shriek about how happy she was that I had called, I’d told her about Ramsey’s visit and my talk with Scott.

Now, while Roselyn had assured me that she was Team Emerson, and as she’d gone on to reveal that she had put a voodoo curse on Ramsey, praying that his balls would shrivel up and fall off after what he’d done to me, she had agreed with Scott. She’d also told me that she’d never seen Ramsey lookingso torn up before. She had even mentioned that the hallways at Windsor were quiet and eerie, and that people were afraid to even say boo after word had gotten around about what Ramsey had done to Bailey and her mother.

I wished that I could say that I felt sorry for my aunt and Bailey after Roselyn had told me everything that had gone down, but I didn’t. They were both horrible people, and just like my father, it meant nothing to me that they were my blood.

People always felt like you had to forgive your family because they were yourfamily, but I had never bought into that theory. Family was what you made it, and just because you shared the same blood with someone else, that didn’t mean that they were your family. It just meant that you were related to them.

Scott, Henry, Sally, Muriel, and Roselyn, even after only knowing her a short while,theywere my family. They were the people that I trusted and would do anything for. Bailey, Aunt Constance, and my father, they were just unfortunate members of my bloodline, so I didn’t have to forgive them shit. For a short time there, I’d felt as if Ramsey, Deke, and Liam could have been my family, too, but fuck was I ever wrong.

So, because of that, I also had to question what I was feeling. Did I really love Ramsey, or was I just attracted to his demons because I was warped in the head? It felt like I loved him, but I was so confused that I wasn’t sure how much I should trust those feelings.

Either way, Scott had been right with his advice; I needed to see this through. I had to find out if everything that Ramsey had said were just pretty words that he’d been using to lure me back into his game of cat and mouse. Seeing how he’ll react to me in front of everyone that he had humiliated me in front of…well, that would tell me all that I needed to know.

I sat in my car and watched as everyone headed towards the main entrance. I wanted my arrival to be a surprise, so I had parked my car as far from the entrance as I could because it was unmistakable. It was the only used car in the entire school-hell, in the entire town, I do believe.

I heard the first warning bell ring and that was my cue to man up. I hadn’t worn the school’s uniform since I was pretty sure that I wasn’t enrolled as a student anymore, but I wasn’t exactly sure. I knew that things worked differently here, and that kids could buy a week off from school if they wanted to ditch.

So, I had on a plain white t-shirt, a used pair of blue jeans, and a pair of white sneakers. I’d thrown my hair up in a messy bun, and I had decided against any makeup again. This was me. The real me. The me that didn’t care about the latest fashions or fastest cars. This was the me that didn’t care aboutbank accounts or job titles. This was me, and that’s what everyone here was going to get.

I made my way through the parking lot towards the front lawn, my heart beating a mile a minute. As I scanned the area, I could see a few stragglers recognizing who I was. I could hear shocked gasps and loud murmurs all around me, and I even saw some students start running towards the front doors of the building. They no doubt wanted to be the first ones to spread the news that I was back.

When I finally reached the main doors, I took in a deep breath, lifted my head, steeled my spine, then opened them bitches up. I ignored the deafening silence as everyone stopped to stare. I looked straight ahead, knowing exactly where Ramsey’s locker was. I could only see his back as he was digging inside his locker, but Deke nudged him as soon as he saw me, and Liam averted his eyes, choosing not to look at me at all.

Ramsey turned around, and his face conveyed pure shock at seeing me, but it was only for a brief second. The closer that I got to him, the more controlled he appeared. Now, of course, as always, he looked gorgeous and in control.

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