My father was a ruthless businessman with ties to the Mob, and my mother was a brainless socialite that had never embraced motherhood. Both she and my father fucked around and used their money to wash away all the stains from their sins. However, I was fine with all the stains that smattered my soul. They didn’t bother me one bit, and today’s little revelation was the answer to why I was so drawn to Emerson.
Darkness attracted darkness.
It also answered my question of how far Emerson would let me take this game. I was pretty certain that she’d let me take it to the finish line before she ever conceded defeat. While my parents might dance on the edges of the Mob’s dance floor, Emerson came from a family where her father’s violence had ultimately led to him murdering her mother. No wonder she wasn’t afraid of us or our status and money.
She knew real-world fear.
She had experienced real-world violence.
This was probably the part where I should leave her alone. The part where my conscience would finally speak up and tell me that Emerson had been through enough. The part where my brain would tell me that I had my pick of any female in town; I didn’t need this one.
However, my brain, and what little conscience that I did have, were no match for the voice of my soul, the heat in my veins, and the pure feeling of euphoria at knowing that Emerson would welcome my demons. She’d embrace them, play with them, tempt them, and challenge them. Emerson would give me the ultimate high. That girl would let me hurt her at the same time that I made her cum on my cock; she’d let me leave her bruised, bloody, and torn.
Still, that wasn’t all of it.
Oh, no.
I also knew that she’d leave me in the same condition if we ever came together because I wanted her violence as much as she craved mine.
Chapter 10
Emerson~
Ihated to admit it, but I was spending the rest of fifth period hiding in the girls’ restroom. I felt pretty safe because I knew that I wouldn’t have to see Ramsey for the rest of the day, and I needed to feel safe from his scrutiny and keen observations.
Ramsey had seen into the deepest, darkest, sickest parts of my soul, and it had unnerved the fuck out of me, being something that no one had ever been able to do before. Maybe my poker face wasn’t as solid as I thought because Ramsey had touched every nerve with each word he had spoken, and I was really starting to wonder if I was in over my head with the guy.
At a very young age, I had learned how to put on a brave face. I had learned how to stick up for myself and how to stare down bullies and thugs. I hadn’t taken crap from anyone, and I had held my emotions in check, lest I show any signs of weakness. Then, in one fucking week, Ramsey Reed had seen inside me and had noticed all my darkest sicknesses.
He’d been right about everything; I did get turned on by his strong hand. I did fantasize about how sinister he could be, and I did pray that his darkness wasn’t all an act. I actually worried that he would turn out to be a pussy.
When I’d gone home Monday night from the café, then had stared at my neck in the mirror, I’d been so turned on that it had taken everything that I’d had in me not to hunt Ramsey down and demand that he finish the job. The awful, awful, awful marks on my neck had made me wet and uncomfortable. I had even purposely worn the scarf the next day, hoping to piss him off enough that he’d put his hands on me again, and he’d had.
God, how he’d had.
When he had wrapped the scarf around my neck, then pulled it tight, I had almost climaxed. I’d felt the sensation building and building, and when he’d finally let go of me and the feeling had evaporated, I’d felt so empty that it had dawned on me what had happened.
Jesus Christ, I was so sick in the head.
I mean, really, really sick.
Normal people didn’t get off on violence.
Normal people didn’t enjoy bleeding or pain in a sexual capacity.
There’d been lots of times when my father would beat my mother, then drag her to the bedroom and take more from her. Since we had lived in a trailer the size of a goddamn shoebox, I could always hear what he’d been doing to her. It hadn’t taken years in therapy to figure out why I felt the way I did; why violence and sex went hand-in-hand for me.
No.
The problem stemmed from the fact that I was in no hurry to see a therapist to fix the issue. The way that I saw it was that I couldn’t be sure if my issues were real or not. I’d never had sex before, so I wasn’t entirely sure how I would react to being manhandled during sex. I might love it, or I might hate it enough to murder my partner.
I just didn’t know.
However, I wanted to find out, and I wanted to find out with Ramsey Reed. I just didn’t know how to go about it without completely surrendering myself to him, because something told me that, if I gave myself to Ramsey, there’d be no turning back until he was absolutely done with me.
I heard the bell ring, and I wanted to skip the trip to my locker, but I needed my calculus book. I knew that this school was run like no other, but at the end of all the weirdness and drama, I really wanted to graduate from high school. While I had no delusions that I would turn into someone significant, I still wanted to have my high school diploma, so that I could at least land a decent job.
I barely had my locker door open when I felthisheat enveloping me from behind. I knew that it was Ramsey because I was already accustomed to his scent and his nearness. Also, I doubted that any other guy in school would be stupid enough to get this close to me.