Page 61 of The ABCs of You & Me

I hesitate for too long, and she makes a noise of disapproval.

“Do you enjoy his company, in a non-romantic way?”

“Yes, of course I do.”

“And you’re definitely not dating?”

“No, we arejustfriends. We’re just really good at pretending and I think I’m having a hard time separating the two sides,” I admit. “And I think I should be able to.”

“Maybe take a step back?” she suggests.

But I like spending time with Foster, and he makes it easier to forget. He makes me feel worthy of his time.

“What’s going through your head, Soph? You called me, so talk.”

“I… I don’t want to take a step back.”

“Why not?”

“Because.” I pick up a pen and roll it between my fingers. “I want to spend time with him.”

“Okay, so you are afraid of… what? That you’re developing feelings? Rediscovering feelings you’ve always had?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re scared that he won’t share them? That it’s too soon? That he’s going to be like Gregory?”

I hang my head. “Yes,” I say softly.

“Right now, at this moment, is he anything like Gregory?”

“Not one bit.”

“Alright, so let’s stick to that for now. He’s not Gregory.”

“Gregory wasn’t Gregory in the beginning either,” I say quietly. He was charismatic and kind. Always giving me his time, constant gifts, compliments. He built me up and then without me realizing it he began to tear me down.

“Yeah, but this is so different, Soph. You’ve known Foster since he was a kid. I want you to ask yourself one question, okay?”

“What is it?”

“What do you want? Don’t focus on the negative shit. I want you to narrow it right down. Don’t think about the future right now. What do you, Sophie Hore, want?”

“I… want Foster in my life.”

“Great. Then keep doing what you’re doing and use that intuition of yours to guide you.”

“I used that with Gregory.”

“No, you didn’t, Sophie.”

“What?”

“He used fear. We saw it, even though at the time it wasn’t obvious.”

“I’m so stupid,” I whisper, fighting back tears.

“Stop it. You weren’t stupid. You aren’t stupid. You were young, and he abused his power. You aren’t at fault here.”

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