Page 115 of This Monster of Mine

“Of course, Petitor Sarai. Perhaps another time.”

Insisting on paying them, she hastily half-buttoned-up her uniform and strode to the door. She’d just have to absorb what the other vigiles had to say tomorrow. Easing out of the crush, she walked right into Kadra.

“Leaving already?” He pried a shard of glass from his hands. Something infinitely wild seethed under his now too-calm demeanor.

She swallowed. “You were right. I’m tired.”

A muscle bunched in his jaw, eyes flinty. “Does my presence bother you?”

“In general?”

“Now.”

Her heart beat at a breakneck speed. “You mean am I not indulging tonight because you’re looming over my shoulder like one of the Wretched?”

The muscle in his jaw looked liable to snap. “Yes.”

Fascinated, she stared at it. “No.” Throwing caution to the wind, she stepped closer. “You aren’t the only one who manages their needs,” she murmured.

Kadra went rigid. A breath and his eyes closed. “Fuck.”

A violent shudder rippled through her when his eyes traced the open column of her throat as though he were searching for words in the gait of her pulse.

A patron squeezed past them, pushing them together against the door. Kadra braced himself with a palm right as she clutched at his robes to steady herself. The muscles under her palm tensed. She expected him to step back. He didn’t.

“Is that the only reason why you’re leaving?” Wine scented the air between them. “I saw you. Earlier.”

“People expect celibacy of you. I’d be the odd one out if I didn’t indulge.”

“Then why stop?”

“Because I feelnothing,” she grit out. “And when you”—she snapped her fingers in front of her face to signify his glass shattering and her corresponding snap of realization—“I had enough of forcing myself to try. Ican’tso—”

“Neither can I.”

She was suddenly afire. She looked up, her lips parting at how close his mouth was to hers.

“Because everyone’s a liability?”

“Yes.” Kadra slipped a hand on the back of her neck, tilting her head up with his thumb. “And because I shouldn’t.”

“Why?” she whispered.

“Ishouldn’t.” His voice was hoarse. His palm circled her throat. The faintest hint of pressure, and she instinctively tilted her chin to give him better access.

“Because?” It was almost a plea.

His thumb moved to her jaw, eyes holding a world of conflict. That halted her.Not like this. Not if you’ll regret it.She grabbed his hand before he could lean in. He looked as dazed as she felt. They stared at each other, before their hands fell.

After a long moment, he spoke. “This way.” He led her past the crush of bodies and to a side door that led out of the building.

Outside, she drew several deep breaths, the sweet smoky scent of blazeleaf, alcohol, and sex fading in favor of unpleasant reason. When she finally looked at Kadra, he was getting their horses ready, movements jerkier than she’d ever seen them.

“I … hope you don’t regret leaving,” she mumbled.

He turned, face back to its implacable set. “I never stay long enough for them to actually poison the wine.”

Her jaw dropped. “You terrified that barkeep for no reason!”

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