Page 114 of This Monster of Mine

“Petitor Sarai.” They smiled, all dark eyes and riotous golden curls. “I’m Tavlis. Your first time, I gather?”

She nodded in admiration at how unselfconscious they were by their nudity. “I’m still taking it all in.”

“Certo,” they said easily. “Would you like to know where to start?”

Catching a glance from a vigile who’d never cared much for her until recently, she stilled at the pity in his eyes. Turning back to Tavlis, she nodded. This foolish pining would only get her hurt.

“I …” She stared at the floor. “I don’t really know what to do. Should we talk first?”

“Would you like us to talk or would you like me to start slowly?” Tavlis asked gently. “You can halt whenever you’d like.”

She’d never seen a smile as mesmerizing as theirs. But she felt nothing. “Slowly,” she stammered.

They leaned toward her, looping an arm around her waist to pull her close. Her palms went damp with something that felt like panic.

“Buttons or do you want my mouth?” they whispered, inches from her.

A weight squeezed her chest. “Buttons,” she made herself say.

Gentle fingers caressed her jaw, another hand working at her collar. The first button slipped free, then the next. Cool air brushed her exposed skin, and all she could think about was when Kadra had done the same after Tullus had burned her.

Pressing her against a pillar, Tavlis stroked the exposed skin of her collarbone and stilled, looking thoughtfully at her skin.

The scars. “Could you,” she stammered, and tried again. “Could we finish the buttons first? And can we keep … everything on?”

Tavlis smiled softly. “Absolutely.”

They resumed their downward path. Feeling close to tears, she glanced back at the bar. Kadra’s fist choked the stem of his wineglass as he tipped it upward, taking a hard swallow. His mouth drew into a hard line like the burn of alcohol wouldn’t soothe him. Looking terrified, the barkeep refilled his glass.

Is something wrong?

Lips brushed her shoulder, and she jumped.

“Is something wrong?” Tavlis asked carefully.

“No.”

Tavlis tilted their head to one side. “It’s darker on this side of the pillar. If you’d prefer the privacy.”

A few feet away, the vigile who’d teased her about not having lived enough enthusiastically slid onto her partner and waved at Sarai.

She immediately shifted over to the other side of the pillar. “That’s helpful, thank you.”

Tavlis pressed another kiss against her collarbone. She tried to make her body respond to the soft whisper of hands into her open tunic, but it all felt wrong. Yet, if she left, there would be pitying glances tomorrow as the vigiles gossiped that their Tetrarch truly did feel nothing for her. She had to prove that she was equally unconcerned. Because, at some point between her distrust and this powerful, unyielding man calling her “strong,” she’d wanted the rumors everyone had been parroting to be true.

She didn’t pull her gaze away fast enough when Kadra looked up from his drink, and he unerringly found her across the room. The look in his eyes knocked all breath from her. Heat tangled with something sour. She only realized that she’d gone motionless when Tavlis raised their head.

“Are you alright? Is this what you want?” Cupping her cheek, they pressed an openmouthed kiss to her jaw.

And something splintered, echoing like the crack of a whip across the room.

She sprang back. The pleasure house barely paused for an instant before resuming its business. It took her only a moment to find the source of the sound. Fragments of Kadra’s shattered glass dug into his hand, wine leaking into the wounds. He stared at it, the anger in his eyes looking strangely like it was directed inward.

I can’t do this.

Sarai turned to Tavlis. “I’m so sorry. You’re absolutely lovely. I just … I thought I could, but I can’t.”

When she managed to meet their eyes, there was a hint of a smile on their face.

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