Page 78 of Chasing Sarah

Hours later, I’m leaning with my forearms rested on the balcony railing. The city below is lively. Unlike our rundown part of the city, this area is filled with men and women in power suits. They strut along the sidewalks with their briefcases and they’re either on the phone yapping away or chugging coffee like it’s a lifeline.

The sun casts a warm orange and pink glow behind the towering skyscrapers. The image is just what you’d see in a travel brochure about New York City.

My mind isn’t trapped with thoughts of Rhys, but with drowning sadness about my brothers.

“I wish I could talk to you guys. I need some advice,” I whisper, hoping wherever my family is, is not too far away, and they can hear me.

The skin around my nails is raw from me picking at it. My nail polish is nearly gone for the same reason.

“I don’t know what I’m doing without you.” My voice cracks and my eyes being to burn, blurring the world around me. “Why didn’t you take me with you?”

The first tear slides down my cheek, dropping onto the back of my hand. I swear I can almost feel the warmth of arms enveloping me.

“Remember when you guys gave me advice about my first boyfriend?” A small chuckle falls from my lips at the memory.

Kaleb was in Colson’s grade. He was cute, funny, and caring. After we’d been dating for 6 months, he told me he loved me. I didn’t say it back and, luckily, he didn’t push me to. When I got home that night, I was sweating with panic. I was 16 and didn’t know anything about love, so I asked Xander about it. He had been with his girlfriend, Amy, for a few years by that time and they were already talking about marriage.

The rest of my brothers, of course, took it upon themselves to put in their two cents.

Colson told me he was a tool. Ronny threatened the castrate him if he was only saying it to get in my pants. Tommy told me to be careful who I give my heart to and if I didn’t immediately know I loved him, then I probably didn’t.

Xander sort of agreed with him. He told me it took some time to realize that he was in love with Amy but when he did, it was as though he saw the world differently.

He needed Amy like he needed to breathe. He didn’t see a future without her right there beside him.

So, needless to say, I didn’t love Kaleb.

I knew. Eventually, he knew it and we broke it off not long after.

“I still don’t know about love. But the way Rhys makes me feel is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.” I sniffle and wipe my nose with the sleeve of my sweater.

Lifting my chin, I watch the colors of the sky darken to blues and purples. “I really wish you were here. I need help. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to let him in.”

The city’s lights make it impossible to see the stars and my heart breaks a little because of it.

“Please. If you can hear me, please help me figure it out.”

Kissing my forefinger and middle finger, lift them to the sky, then head inside.

Tension coils every muscle in my body. My neck and shoulders scream despite me trying to stretch and roll them loose.

My ears still ring from the cries Bones let out as Declan dismembered him piece by piece. Blood has caked on my knuckles from me roughing him up a bit.

To say I was shocked about Sarah’s boss being involved with the Russians is an understatement.

Sarah is stunning. He easily could have had her kidnapped. Sold.

I knew he recognized me the second his eyes met mine. They flared for a split second before he masked his face with indifference.

How do I tell her about this?

Will she hate me for helping Declan dispose of someone she cleared cared for?

I slide my fingers through my hair as the elevator to the penthouse rises.

I spent a lot more time away than I intended and I have no doubt she will ask questions. She’s unbelievably observant to the energy around her, so she’ll sense the rigidity I struggle to contain.

When the doors open to the penthouse, I’m greeted with silence. The entire space is dark except for the soft light of the TV screen. The credits of a movie scroll up the screen.

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